Beats means he loves. Beats means loves - where does the expression come from? Why do men hit

Where did the saying “hitting means loving” come from and why is this not so? The proverb beats means loves

Beats means loves - where did the expression come from: a little history

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Beats means he loves. This dubious expression is on everyone's lips. But where did it come from? What gave you the basis to say or think like that?

Beats means loves, where did the expression come from? This saying has its roots in ancient Rus'. According to one version, the tradition of beating your woman arose when Christianity appeared. In paganism, women had equal rights with men, but in the Christian period this importance was downgraded.

Until the 21st century, all girls were protected by close relatives, and even after legal marriage. Fathers and brothers could cuff their husbands for beating their beloved ones. But if the wife was stolen or bought, then she had the status of a slave.

Women who entered into legal relationships of their own free will or with the consent of their parents had many rights. For example, they could well demand a divorce if they were not satisfied with the relationship. The role of a woman was to maintain love and marriage, spin yarn, give birth and feed children.

Is woman a devil's temptation?

After baptism in Rus', new rules appeared that significantly changed the fate of Russian women. After monotheism was adopted and the man became the head of the family, the other half began to be perceived as a kind of creature that had no reason and was inferior. The husband was given many rights; he had to take custody of his wife, monitor her morality and the salvation of her soul.

It was necessary to keep the woman under strict control and beat her regularly. The children were subjected to the same upbringing. The presence of such a stereotype of behavior was imposed by church ministers, who believed that a woman is the root of evil, a devilish temptation and a source of evil spirits. To cleanse the wife’s soul, the husband was recommended to teach her as often as possible and at the same time beat her.

This kind of punishment was perceived as preventive work. Thanks to them, the woman was supposed to be freed from her vices, which she inherited at the time of birth. It was believed that when beating, the husband showed concern that his wife’s soul would be saved from suffering in hell. Women who have mastered this science began to believe that if a man does not beat his wife, it means that he does not pay due attention to her, and, accordingly, does not love her. These relationships are reflected in Domostroy, which is a famous literary monument.

"How to beat your wife"

This document contains many chapters devoted to exactly how to raise a wife. An anonymous adviser gives recommendations on how to beat a woman so that severe injuries are not caused. Thus, it was not recommended to hit the eyes, ears and other important bodily areas, which could lead to serious injuries. In addition, it was not recommended to use heavy and especially metal objects for the purpose of education, because as a result the wife could become crippled.

If you look through Domostroy, you will find that this kind of physical techniques were applied to children, servants and careless workers. All these people, according to the compilers of this work, should have been regularly beaten for the purpose of prevention; this was the responsibility of the man, since he was the head of the family. It was believed that by doing this he showed concern for his loved ones.

If he doesn't beat you up, it means he's fallen out of love

In this way, Russian women perceived a manifestation of loyalty towards themselves. Nowadays this sounds strange and wild, but previously the girl was raised in a society dominated by men. Her whole life was regulated by harsh laws in the family and clan. Most often, Russian women did not have any education. They had a narrow outlook.

The women did not even suspect that the family could have been built differently. And there were no other options then. The most surprising thing is that even in our time, some women consider assault as the norm, and they allow their husbands to treat them this way.

Fortunately, you and I live in a different time, and different morals reign around us. Be happy! Let's leave the saying in the past.

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nash-secret.ru

If you hit it, it means you love it. Origin of the expression

Sometimes you look at a couple in love and are amazed at how idyllic they are. But six months pass, and the first quarrels begin. Sometimes it can even lead to a fight. But the woman clenches her teeth and says to herself (and sometimes out loud): “If you hit, it means you love.” Let's find out where this expression came from.

Origin story

When did the phrase “if you hit it mean you love” appear? Hard to tell. Like all phraseological units, folk expressions lose their roots in history. But there are records of the 16th century made by the priest Sylvester. In his book “Domostroy” he wrote: “Beating the body, delivering the soul from death...” But the complex church texts were not to the liking of the people. People paraphrased them into the expression “if he hits, it means he loves.” And I must say, this phraseological unit turned out to be tenacious. To this day you can hear it from the lips of women and men.

Is the phrase true?

Today, the expression “you hit is you love” seems terrible to most of the population of our country. But to be honest, people are divided into two camps. Some people consider beatings a normal part of life and see nothing wrong with them.

Some men who do not know how to solve their problems in any other way than with their fists take advantage of the demonstration of their strength not only among their friends. At home, they also often show their wife who is in charge. But still, there are few such unbalanced people. No normal person would hit another without reason. Most often, men beat their wives out of jealousy. And yes, to some extent the phraseology is true. After all, beatings are inflicted in order to teach a lesson to a person, even a close one. Suffice it to remember how in Russian families children were beaten for misbehavior. And this was considered the norm, a way of learning.

Men's opinion

We understand where “hitting means loving” came from. Now let’s tell you what modern men think about this expression. There are very few individuals left who are able to raise a hand against a loved one. And it doesn’t matter who it is – his wife or his own child. Over many centuries, men have found a way to restrain their aggression and not show it unnecessarily. Today, the chance that a husband will be rude to his wife is much higher than the chance that he will beat her. But you need to understand that words sometimes hurt more than fists.

Women's opinion

Surprisingly, the fairer sex today believes in the expression “hitting means loving” more than men. A woman wants her husband to pay attention to her, but how this attention will be shown is not so important. If a man is affectionate and gentle, that’s good, but if he’s rude and arrogant, that’s also normal. Some women are so sure that all men are like that that it doesn’t even occur to them to moderate the ardor of their lover.

All this happens because many women grew up without fathers and did not see normal family relationships. When a girl gets married, she does not know what normal family life is like. She studies it from books and films. And there, often, to show who is boss in the house, a man uses his fists. And girls even find it strange when her husband doesn’t try to dominate her. Particularly sophisticated ladies sometimes even force men to treat them rudely, thereby pushing them towards domestic violence.

Experts' opinion

Psychotherapists believe that the saying “hitting means loving” is quite true. People in relationships become dependent on each other. They begin to fear that one of them will find a better partner. At first, people try to bind each other with care and affection. And then, when the love passes, the stage of retaining the partner begins with the help of threats and beatings. Moreover, it is not so rare that a woman, and not a man, is the aggressor. It's no secret that in a relationship, usually one person loves more, and the other accepts advances. So, some naively think that this is noticeable only to others. Nothing like this. A person who does not receive enough love understands the current situation perfectly. And it is precisely from the lack of reciprocity that jealousy and threats begin.

Why do men hit?

There are several reasons for aggressive behavior. Some individuals sincerely believe in the saying “if you hit, you love,” but most men still justify this statement. The real reasons are hidden much deeper.

• Jealousy. One of the main reasons for beatings is simple jealousy. Men see that their rival is smarter/prettier/richer, and they try with all their might to protect the woman they love from communicating with their rival.
• Public humiliation. When a woman publicly ridicules her husband's failures, this can provoke conflict. The hurt pride immediately reacts, and the man, using force, tries to show that he is not such a loser as they say about him.
• The woman is drunk. In an inadequate state, ladies can behave very relaxed even in a crowded place. Some men try to reason with their wife through physical force.

Why do women endure?

Over time, a habit develops towards everything - both bad and good. If a man drinks, smokes or resolves disputes with his fists, this is only annoying at first. If a woman learns to tolerate it, gradually she will even stop noticing it. Under no circumstances should this be allowed. If a man hits you once, it can still be attributed to an accident, but if aggressive actions are repeated, you urgently need to run away from such an arrogant man.

A woman can endure not only out of habit. Some representatives of the fair sex have such low self-esteem that they believe that they simply cannot find anyone better. And some women love to be pitied so much that they try with all their might to bring misfortune upon themselves, including the wrath of their husband. Moreover, they will drive the man crazy periodically, so that the beatings are repeated, and the pity for them from friends and relatives only increases.

How not to let your relationship end in a fight

People say: “Hitting means loving,” but this is not true. How to establish normal relationships, without aggression from anyone?

• You need to be able to listen to each other. Any problem can be resolved peacefully if you do not interrupt your opponent and give him a chance to speak out. By bringing logical arguments, you can resolve any issue.
• Don't underestimate other people's self-esteem. A reasonable person will never become jealous of his partner if he is confident in the sincerity of his feelings.
• You shouldn't wash dirty linen in public. If there are any problems, you should discuss them in private, not in public.

How to improve relationships?

Why was it believed in Rus': hitting means loving? People thought that the only way to teach another person was through corporal punishment. They said that this way any knowledge is better absorbed. That is why men beat women for offenses, and women, in turn, beat children. It was a vicious circle that no one wanted to leave. Modern people do not believe in the benefits of the assault method. To maintain a good relationship, there is no need to beat your significant other. What should be done?

• Make you happy with all sorts of little things. This could be an unplanned trip to the cinema or a delicious dinner prepared for no reason. It is thanks to signs of attention shown for no reason that a person understands the depth of his partner’s feelings.
• Be able to support. All people have troubles at work or misunderstandings with friends. So, the wife should always be on the side of her husband, and vice versa. If you take the opposite position, your significant other will feel lonely. So support and moral assistance are sometimes simply irreplaceable.
• Be able to forgive. We all yell at people we love from time to time. And sometimes they are absolutely not to blame for this. You need to understand the true reasons for such breakdowns and not be offended.
• Find common interests. If people are engaged in a common activity in their free time, then they will have less chance of quarreling, and even more so of fighting.

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Where did the saying “hitting means loving” come from and why is this not so?

The tradition of beating a life partner appeared in Rus' after the adoption of Christianity. Now this will seem surprising, but in the times of paganism, a woman was an equal member of society. Until the 11th century, women were protected by their father and brothers throughout their lives, even when they got married. Although this did not apply to stolen or bought wives, who were equated to slaves. A woman did not lose her rights after marriage. She could even get a divorce if something didn’t suit her about her husband.

Along with baptism, Rus' also adopted a new morality, which provided for the “salvation of the soul” of a woman. How? Naturally, regular beatings - “insults0 -“for her own good. The fact is that many clergy, deacons and priests, perceived women as the root of all evil, believed that from birth there was a devilish principle in her, which needed to be “pacified” from time to time, or not allowed to come out through “preventive” beatings . Gradually, this perception of women spread throughout Rus' and became traditional. The same applied to children, by the way.

Is it any wonder that women were convinced of the veracity of this saying and therefore perceived the absence of corporal punishment as a manifestation of indifference and “lack of love.” If he doesn't hit you, it means he doesn't love you.

It took many, many decades for Christians to gradually eradicate from the list of rules of “dubious quality” everything that actually contradicts the religion itself and goes against its fundamental moral foundations. However, even now, in the 21st century, society still has some things to improve.

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Beats means loves - where did the expression come from, meaning in psychology

Other relationship problems

The very absurdity of the expression: “Hitting means loving” does not stand up to criticism. But in the modern world, many continue to believe in this “folk wisdom”. Even when complaining to her parents about her husband, a woman does not feel protected. On the contrary, they convince her that it is her husband who shows concern in this way, or that she herself is to blame and provoked an unworthy act. A woman can either tolerate this attitude or seek support from a special center for combating domestic violence.

Where did the expression come from?

The first book that teaches life is the Bible. She advises accepting God's punishment as a sign of love and care. By sending trials and pain to a person, the Lord teaches him to be grateful for the benefits received in the future. The following psychological scheme is formed: pain (punishment) - love (care) - earthly blessings. It is still relevant in the family. The husband beats his wife, and then buys gifts and is affectionate with her for a while, and the relationship moves in a circle until the woman finds the strength to break it.

In the ancient book “The Parable of Solomon” there is the following text: “Whoever spares his rod hates his son, and whoever loves him punishes him for his misdeeds.” In the New Testament you can find the Epistle to the Hebrews, which says that the Lord punishes the one whom he loves most and cares about most. It is not surprising that these beliefs remain deep in people's subconscious. But the modern church teaches spouses to love and respect each other.

There is also an opinion that the origin of the expression dates back to ancient times, when Russian women were taught from childhood that the husband should raise his wife and teach obedience with the help of his fists. And if he doesn’t hit, then he’s indifferent to her and her actions. The peasant women came to terms with the proverb and their violent husband. After all, more than half of ordinary Russian women had such a husband. Divorce was impossible, but somehow it was necessary to justify the husband and such an existence, so the expression took root: “hitting means he loves.”

What does flirting mean in the psychology of communication and how to use it?

Why does the man raise his hand?

Psychologists say that the reasons why a husband raises his hand against his wife are hidden deep in the subconscious. This is normal fear and self-doubt. Only an infantile and immature person will stoop to violence in the family, considering himself a leader and master. This way he increases his self-esteem and gets satisfaction from power over a person, and the fact that his beloved woman is intimidated does not bother him, but makes him happy. The reasons for this unworthy behavior are as follows:

1. 1. Thirst for power. By humiliating his wife, he feels her fear and enjoys the pain.
2. 2. Fear. The man is afraid that his wife will leave him and intimidates her using physical violence.
3. 3. Awareness of oneself as a complete loser. He has an uninteresting and low-paying job, low self-esteem and is dissatisfied with himself and his own life. Waving his fists, the husband punishes his wife, blaming her for his failures.
4. 4. Thirst for moral aggression. Such a person humiliates his wife, putting psychological pressure on her.
5. 5. Expectation of provocations. Accumulated grievances and previously made remarks burst out at one moment along with beatings, as soon as the man drinks too much. Then repentance comes, but after forgiveness comes permissiveness, and this is repeated more than once.

The psychology of the expression “hitting means loving” is close to men with similar problems. They show their power by prohibiting them from meeting friends, going out on business, or visiting their parents. It all starts with criticism. The husband doesn’t like the dress his wife wore, her hairstyle, her hair color, the movies she watches, or the books she reads. Such a marriage ends with complete tyranny, leaving work and becoming a housewife. Remaining in complete submission and dependence on her husband, the unfortunate woman herself already believes that she deserves such an attitude.

Why do women suffer beatings?

Wives subjected to domestic violence not only endure beatings, but also justify their husband’s behavior. The psychology of such martyrs is to accept pain as the norm, and the “hits - loves” scheme does not seem to them something terrible. Most often, an incorrect truth has been ingrained in their minds since childhood. Mom was offended by her father, and she adopted the corresponding model of behavior, coming to terms with the role of the victim as she grew older.

You shouldn't be alone with your problem. You should definitely tell your parents or friends everything and ask them for help. The husband will not change, but his life will be ruined.

The problem with such a woman is that she is attracted to tyrant men. Confusing strength with aggression, they fall into a trap, from which it is very difficult for a weak and dependent woman to get out. And what’s even more surprising is that the marriage of “tyrant and victim” is a fairly strong union.

The mistakes that wives make when staying with an oppressive brawler consist in misunderstanding the situation. They believe that:

• a tyrant is easy to recognize;
• pressure represents caring;
• he will come to his senses and will not do this again;
• she is strong and difficult to break.

These are all myths. A despotic man does not immediately show his nature; he will never come to his senses and will offend his companion more than once. Even strong, self-sufficient women sometimes become victims of a deeply dishonest man. Psychologists advise not to forgive a person who misunderstands the meaning of this expression and assures that if he hits, he is showing concern. You should “run” from him as far as possible and save yourself. If parents are opposed to divorcing a tyrant or the problem is difficult to cope with for other reasons, you can contact crisis centers that provide support to women who have suffered from domestic violence.

feelcontrol.net

“He hits, it means he loves” - how to understand this?

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www.woman.ru

HEATS - MEANS LOVES... HEATS

Oh, how tenacious this folk “wisdom” is: “hitting means loving.”

Even in the old days, foreigners laughed at such Russian “love.” This joke went around in different variations: One Italian took a Russian wife. They lived for several years, the Italian never beat her or scolded her. One day she says to him: “Why did you take me, take me away from home, but you don’t love me?” “I love you,” the husband said and kissed her. “But you never proved this to me,” said the wife. “How can I prove it to you?” - he asked. The wife answered: “You have never hit me.” “I didn’t know,” said the husband, “that in order to prove my love to you, I need to beat you, well, that won’t be the case.”

He beat her with a whip, and he saw that his wife had become more kind and helpful to him. He beat her harder. After that she went to bed, but, however, did not murmur or complain. Finally, for the third time he beat her with a club so hard that she died a few days later. Her relatives filed a complaint against her husband; but the judges, having learned all the circumstances of the case, said that she herself was to blame for her death. The husband did not know that beatings mean love among Russians, and he wanted to prove that he loved him more than all Russians. He simply miscalculated his strength and killed him to death.

In those days, wives were beaten like cattle. There was a whip hanging on the wall for this purpose; it was used only for beating the wife. So that she would always be in front of her eyes and remind her of the inevitable punishment. Although the husband could pull her by the hair and flog her with rods. Beating a wife was not considered something reprehensible, but on the contrary was an honorable duty of the husband. Pious people said about those husbands who did not beat their wives: “he does not build his house and does not care about his soul, and he himself will be destroyed... and he will destroy his house.” This is where the sayings came from: “beat a woman with a hammer, the woman will be golden.” “,” “if you want to live in perfect harmony, shake your wife like a pear,” “he who loves someone beats him,” “beats him, that means he loves him.”

Domostroy has sunk into eternity, but the seeds sown by it are still sprouting. Even in our time, some women would rather be beaten than take responsibility for their own fate. They are afraid of loneliness and material problems, agreeing to play the role of a victim.

A young couple lives in our house. She is a fragile, pretty woman. He is a huge man, like a closet, with a toned torso and a carefree smile on his face. She is a former librarian, divorcee, and single mother (horrible phrases that still exist in our vocabulary). He has money, connections and position. Just a classic case. At first it seemed to her that no one knew anything. But our courtyard gossips would give Miss Marple herself a hundred points in advance, so the whole entrance knew about the troubles in this family.

The first time he beat her was when she tried to get a job as a secretary. She told her neighbors that she accidentally fell in the kitchen. The next day she sported a silver fox fur coat. Then came the turn of jewelry, a trip to Egypt and other small joys. Each time she accidentally fell, either in the bathroom or in the hallway, and once “accidentally” managed to cut herself with scissors. The son went to live with his grandmother and did not want to return.

One day he beat her so badly that she was taken away by ambulance. And even then, he sincerely did not understand why she was “blissing” and throwing hysterics. He loves her, pampers her, well, sometimes he gets jealous, so this is a matter of everyday life. His hand, of course, is heavy, but who else besides him will love and pity this stupid fool so much, who will raise her son and pay the rent? He won't beat her anymore. He will try. And from her he only wants a little gratitude and tenderness.

When she returned from the hospital, a neighbor advised her to write a statement. She refused with fear. Like, it will be even worse. “Then go away,” the neighbor insisted, “he will kill you someday.” And your son? You’ve almost lost him already.” “Leave? - she was even more frightened. - No no. Again a semi-beggarly existence. Don't want. But to kill, it won’t kill. He loves me. It’s better for my son and mother, I give them money. It’s just that my fate is so unhappy.”

But nothing ever happens suddenly in fate, and we build our destiny with our own brains. Everything is going gradually.

At first it’s easier to listen to mom and dad, and then blame them for your failures. Then a bad husband was caught, a second, a third... The boss is plotting. The child is naughty. And now the victim is already ready, and then the jailer will not hesitate to appear. It is very difficult to give up your misfortunes. It’s much easier to suffer and complain and you don’t have to do anything for it. Just leave everything as it is.

If a woman wants to free herself from the captivity of addiction, to get out of her home prison, she must first admit to herself that it exists. Admit that you voluntarily wear the shackles you complain about. And no amount of calls for men to respect women will help until women begin to respect themselves.

Why is a woman not embarrassed to say: “my alcoholic got drunk again yesterday,” but she carefully covers up the marks from the beatings of the “non-alcoholic”, and even shields it, saying that she fell herself? But fighters are the same alcoholics and drug addicts, they constantly need a “dose”, they get a thrill from humiliating the weak. Moreover, the “dose” must be constantly increased - hit harder and more often.

And one more delicate nuance. During the beating, the “hero” sometimes awakens sexual desire, and he immediately demands that his wife perform marital duties. Intimate relationships are a delicate and purely personal matter, but most often after beatings, sexual violence also occurs. And the woman finds herself humiliated twice.

I think the only way out is to break off the connection with such a man once and for all, no matter how difficult and painful it may be. Habit, additional income, help, he is the father of a child - all these are not arguments for sacrificing the physical and mental health of yourself and your child. No one will ever, in any way, help this.

And love? Love for the rapist will eventually develop into hatred, and then into illness...

www.inpearls.ru

Where did the saying “Hits means he loves” come from and why is this not true?

Roots of evil.

The tradition of beating a life partner appeared in Rus' after the adoption of Christianity. Now this will seem surprising, but in the times of paganism, a woman was an almost equal member of society. Until the 11th century, women were protected by their father and brothers throughout their lives, even when they got married. Although this did not apply to stolen or bought wives, who were equated to slaves. A woman did not lose her rights after marriage. She could even get a divorce if something didn’t suit her about her husband.

Along with baptism, Rus' also adopted a new morality, which provided for the “salvation of the soul” of a woman. How? Naturally, with regular beatings - “intimations” - “for her own good.” The fact is that many clergy, deacons and priests, perceived women as the root of all evil, believed that from birth there was a devilish principle in her, which needed to be “pacified” from time to time, or not allowed to come out through “preventive” beatings . Gradually, this perception of women spread throughout Rus' and became traditional. The same applied to children, by the way.

In early Christianity, women in general were equated with unintelligent and undeveloped children. Such beatings were considered a form of guardianship and concern for the purity and salvation of a woman’s soul. In other words, if a man beats his wife, it means he cares about her, expresses his love and concern. These rules of proper family life were also reflected in the famous literary monument “Domostroy”. This is how the saying “hitting means loving” came into being.

Is it any wonder that women believed in the truth of this saying and therefore perceived the absence of corporal punishment as a manifestation of indifference and “lack of love.” If he doesn't hit you, it means he doesn't love you.

It took many, many decades for Christians to gradually eradicate from the list of rules of “dubious quality” everything that actually contradicts the religion itself and goes against its fundamental moral foundations. However, even now, in the 21st century, society still has some things to improve.

The tradition of regularly beating your wife appeared in Rus' with the adoption of Christianity. In the pagan period, women were more equal members of society than in the Christian period. Until the 11th century, women remained under the protection of their close relatives (father and brothers), even if they got married. And they stood up for their beloved daughter and sister. This did not apply only to stolen or purchased wives, who existed as slaves in their spouses' families.

Women who entered into marriage by their own consent or by agreement between their parents had many rights. They could even “get a divorce” - leave their husband if they were not satisfied with the marriage. The role of women was also reflected in the presence of female deities: Lada - the goddess of love and marriage, Makosh - the goddess of spinning, women in labor - divine messengers who determined the fate of the child at birth.

After the baptism of Rus'

Along with baptism, Rus' also adopted a new morality, which had the most unfavorable effect on the fate of Russian women. With the adoption of monotheism and the establishment of the dominant role of men, a woman in the family began to be perceived as a somewhat inferior being, unreasonable, like a child. The husband had to literally take care of his wife, take care of her morality and the “salvation of her soul.”

This care had to be expressed in severity and regular beatings. Children were raised in a similar way. In many ways, this stereotype of behavior was instilled by the clergy, who in the Middle Ages saw in a woman the root of all evil, a devilish temptation and a source of evil spirits. To prevent a woman’s soul from going to hell, the husband was simply obliged to regularly “instruct” her in “beating.”

Corporal punishment was considered a kind of preventive work. They had to knock out of a woman all those vices with which she, by definition, was endowed from birth. If a man beat his wife, it means he cared about saving her soul from hellfire. The women themselves learned this lesson so well that the absence of beatings was perceived as a sign of a lack of husband’s love and care. Such laws of family life were reflected in the famous literary monument “Domostroy”.

How to beat your wife

“Domostroy” was created by unknown authors approximately in the 15th-16th centuries in the Novgorod Republic. According to Alexander Sergeevich Orlov, Sergei Mikhailovich Solovyov and other Russian literary scholars and historians who studied this document, “Domostroy” was the result of the work of many priests, “teachers of the people,” and at the same time the quintessence of the moral norms of society of that period.

In this document, more than one chapter is devoted to the matter of “raising a wife.” An anonymous adviser teaches respectable men how to beat their wife correctly so as not to seriously injure her. A man was not recommended to hit a woman in the eyes, ears and other important parts of the body, so as not to cripple his wife. Also, heavy and especially metal objects should not be used for “education”, since all this can lead to disability.

Physical education methods according to Domostroi were supposed to be applied not only to wives, but also to children, servants and careless workers. Regularly beating all these people - sometimes just like that, for preventive purposes - was the sacred duty of a man, as the head of a family. Thus, like a diligent shepherd, he cared for his “flock.”

Doesn't hit means he doesn't love

This is exactly how Russian women perceived a more loyal attitude towards themselves. Now this may seem strange and wild, but we must not forget that the woman was raised in a patriarchal society. Her whole life was regulated by the harsh laws of family and clan. The overwhelming majority of Russian women were uneducated and had a narrow outlook. They had no idea that there was any other way to live in a family. And there were no such examples.

If a woman happened - extremely rarely - to marry a foreigner, she quite naturally perceived the absence of beatings from her husband as a sign of his dislike. Over time, society has forgotten the original meaning of corporal punishment as a way of education “in the fear of God.” Men began to beat their wives simply out of jealousy or self-will. The worst thing is that women themselves still perceive this behavior as the norm and endure assault for years.

Psychologists' opinion

Traditions are very strong in Russian society. Even the wildest and most absurd ones. The memory of their ancestors dictates that Russian women must endure beatings in silence and not bring the problem to the attention of the public. This is less accepted in intelligent families; more common in the lower strata of the population. In the latter, regular beatings can be aggravated by drunkenness and are often superimposed on other types of violence (moral, sexual).

No matter how women believe that “hitting means loving,” violence is only violence. Often, a degraded man continues to live with a long-unloved woman, and at the same time he also continues to beat her. There is no talk of any love in such families. In addition, in a huge number of cases, beatings end in murder. Every year, more than 10 thousand Russian women die at the hands of their husbands.

The fruits of such “love”

Children also suffer from domestic violence. Even without being direct victims of beatings, they grow up morally damaged. Psychologists call this deviation Stockholm syndrome. It is expressed in the inability of a person who was exposed to any kind of violence in childhood to resist it in adulthood. This also applies to situations where a child regularly observes his mother being beaten.

Where did the expression come from: “A husband hits, that means he loves”? and got the best answer

Answer from Victoria Kurilova[guru]
The well-known Domostroy, in my opinion, is a cultural phenomenon to a greater extent than just a literary monument: it clearly and clearly articulates the “proper” attitude towards a woman and her place in society. The status of the head of the family gave a man the right of ownership not only to the entire household, but also to women, who were essentially equated to things (which, by the way, is illustrated in the idea of ​​​​a dowry: a woman, along with other things, passes into the possession of her husband, seeming to get lost among these things , becoming the same thing.) There were also “instructions” on how men should “teach” women: “Don’t hit her in the face, otherwise you won’t be able to appear with her in public”; “Don’t hit her on the stomach when she’s pregnant” ; “It is better to teach a wife with a whip, because it is more painful: this way she will learn the lesson better” (5). Since that time, since the 16th century, the (in my opinion, most monstrous) saying has spread: “Beating means he loves,” which is also found to this day.
Not only beatings, but also humiliation of a wife by her husband were firmly established in Russian culture as a natural way of family life; The symbolism of Russian wedding customs illustrates this. (Rite of taking off shoes: before the newlyweds went to bed, the groom put money in one of his boots, and the bride had to take off one boot of her choice. If she managed to remove the boot with money, she received it and from now on was not obliged to take it off husband's boots. If the bride got into trouble, then she not only lost money, but was also given the responsibility to constantly remove her husband's boots.
The term “domestic violence” appeared much later than the well-known saying “hitting means loving.” In general, folk wisdom categorically justifies the abuse of the stronger spouse (husband) over the weaker spouse (wife) and condemns the intervention of outsiders in such conflicts. “He hits - it means he loves”, “darlings scold - they only amuse themselves”, “don’t interfere between husband and wife”... Perhaps this is one of the few cases when you should not refer to folk wisdom.
In order not to console themselves with the proverb “hitting means loving” all their lives, when choosing a future husband, girls should take into account the theory promulgated by Canadian scientists who revealed a direct relationship between the structure of the palm and male aggressiveness. It turns out that a man's character (at least some aspects of it) can be easily guessed by carefully studying the length of two fingers - the index and ring fingers. Researchers from the Canadian University of Alberta claim that a short index finger compared to the ring finger is a sure sign of a brawler prone to assault. The fact is that men are made aggressive by high levels of the hormone testosterone, under the influence of which the shape of the palm and fingers is formed even in the womb.

Answer from 2 answers[guru]

Sometimes you look at a couple in love and are amazed at how idyllic they are. But six months pass, and the first quarrels begin. Sometimes it can even lead to a fight. But the woman clenches her teeth and says to herself (and sometimes out loud): “If you hit, it means you love.” Let's find out where this expression came from.

Origin story

When did the phrase “if you hit it mean you love” appear? Hard to tell. Like all phraseological units, folk expressions lose their roots in history. But there are records of the 16th century made by the priest Sylvester. In his book “Domostroy” he wrote: “Beating the body, delivering the soul from death...” But the complex church texts were not to the liking of the people. People paraphrased them into the expression “if he hits, it means he loves.” And I must say, this phraseological unit turned out to be tenacious. To this day you can hear it from the lips of women and men.

Is the phrase true?

Today the expression “you hit it means you love it” seems terrible to most of the population of our country. But to be honest, people are divided into two camps. Some people consider beatings a normal part of life and see nothing wrong with them.

Some men who do not know how to solve their problems in any other way than with their fists take advantage of the demonstration of their strength not only among their friends. At home, they also often show their wife who is in charge. But still, there are few such unbalanced people. No normal person would hit another without reason. Most often, men beat their wives out of jealousy. And yes, to some extent the phraseology is true. After all, beatings are inflicted in order to teach a lesson to a person, even a close one. Suffice it to remember how in Russian families children were beaten for misbehavior. And this was considered the norm, a way of learning.

Men's opinion

We understand where “hitting means loving” came from. Now let’s tell you what modern men think about this expression. There are very few individuals left who are able to raise a hand against a loved one. And it doesn’t matter who it is - his wife or his own child. Over many centuries, men have found a way to restrain their aggression and not show it unnecessarily. Today, the chance that a husband will be rude to his wife is much higher than the chance that he will beat her. But you need to understand that words sometimes hurt more than fists.

Women's opinion

Surprisingly, the fairer sex today believes in the expression “hitting means loving” more than men. A woman wants her husband to pay attention to her, but how this attention will be shown is not so important. If a man is affectionate and gentle, that’s good, but if he’s rude and arrogant, that’s also normal. Some women are so sure that all men are like that that it doesn’t even occur to them to moderate the ardor of their lover.

All this happens because many women grew up without fathers and did not see normal family relationships. When a girl gets married, she does not know what normal family life is like. She studies it from books and films. And there, often, to show who is boss in the house, a man uses his fists. And girls even find it strange when her husband doesn’t try to dominate her. Particularly sophisticated ladies sometimes even force men to treat them rudely, thereby pushing them towards domestic violence.

Experts' opinion

Psychotherapists believe that the saying “hitting means loving” is quite true. People in relationships become dependent on each other. They begin to fear that one of them will find a better partner. At first, people try to bind each other with care and affection. And then, when the love passes, the stage of retaining the partner begins with the help of threats and beatings. Moreover, it is not so rare that a woman, and not a man, is the aggressor. It's no secret that in a relationship, usually one person loves more, and the other accepts advances. So, some naively think that this is noticeable only to others. Nothing like this. A person who does not receive enough love understands the current situation perfectly. And it is precisely from the lack of reciprocity that jealousy and threats begin.

Why do men hit?

There are several reasons for aggressive behavior. Some individuals sincerely believe in the saying “if you hit, it means you love,” but most men still make excuses for this; the reasons are hidden much deeper.

• Jealousy. One of the main reasons for beatings is simple jealousy. Men see that their rival is smarter/prettier/richer, and they try with all their might to protect the woman they love from communicating with their rival.
• Public humiliation. When a woman publicly ridicules her husband's failures, this can provoke conflict. The hurt pride immediately reacts, and the man, using force, tries to show that he is not such a loser as they say about him.
• The woman is drunk. In an inadequate state, ladies can behave very relaxed even in a crowded place. Some men try to reason with their wife through physical force.

Why do women endure?

Over time, a habit is developed for everything - both bad and good. If he smokes or resolves disputes with his fists, this is only annoying at first. If a woman learns to tolerate it, gradually she will even stop noticing it. Under no circumstances should this be allowed. If a man hits you once, it can still be attributed to an accident, but if aggressive actions are repeated, you urgently need to run away from such an arrogant man.

A woman can endure not only out of habit. Some representatives of the fair sex have such low self-esteem that they believe that they simply cannot find anyone better. And some women love to be pitied so much that they try with all their might to bring misfortune upon themselves, including the wrath of their husband. Moreover, they will drive the man crazy periodically, so that the beatings are repeated, and the pity for them from friends and relatives only increases.

How not to let your relationship end in a fight

People say: “Hitting means loving,” but this is not true. How to establish normal relationships, without aggression from anyone?

• You need to be able to listen to each other. Any problem can be resolved peacefully if you do not interrupt your opponent and give him a chance to speak out. By bringing logical arguments, you can resolve any issue.
• Don't underestimate other people's self-esteem. A reasonable person will never become jealous of his partner if he is confident in the sincerity of his feelings.
• You shouldn't wash dirty linen in public. If there are any problems, you should discuss them in private, not in public.

How to improve relationships?

Why was it believed in Rus': hitting means loving? People thought that the only way to teach another person was through corporal punishment. They said that this way any knowledge is better absorbed. That is why men beat women for offenses, and women, in turn, beat children. It was a vicious circle that no one wanted to leave. Modern people do not believe in the benefits of the assault method. To maintain a good relationship, there is no need to beat your significant other. What should be done?

• Make you happy with all sorts of little things. This could be an unplanned trip to the cinema or a delicious dinner prepared for no reason. It is thanks to signs of attention shown for no reason that a person understands the depth of his partner’s feelings.
• Be able to support. All people have troubles at work or misunderstandings with friends. So, the wife should always be on the side of her husband, and vice versa. If you take the opposite position, your significant other will feel lonely. So support and moral assistance are sometimes simply irreplaceable.
• Be able to forgive. We all yell at people we love from time to time. And sometimes they are absolutely not to blame for this. You need to understand the true reasons for such breakdowns and not be offended.
• Find common interests. If people are engaged in a common activity in their free time, then they will have less chance of quarreling, and even more so of fighting.

Beats means he loves. This dubious expression is on everyone's lips. But where did it come from? What gave you the basis to say or think like that?

Beats means loves, where did the expression come from? This saying has its roots in ancient Rus'. According to one version, the tradition of beating your woman arose when Christianity appeared. In paganism, women had equal rights with men, but in the Christian period this importance was downgraded.

Until the 21st century, all girls were protected by close relatives, and even after legal marriage. Fathers and brothers could cuff their husbands for beating their beloved ones. But if the wife was stolen or bought, then she had the status of a slave.

Women who entered into legal relationships of their own free will or with the consent of their parents had many rights. For example, they could well demand a divorce if they were not satisfied with the relationship. The role of a woman was to maintain love and marriage, spin yarn, give birth and feed children.

Is woman a devil's temptation?

After baptism in Rus', new rules appeared that significantly changed the fate of Russian women. After monotheism was adopted and the man became the head of the family, the other half began to be perceived as a kind of creature that had no reason and was inferior. The husband was given many rights; he had to take custody of his wife, monitor her morality and the salvation of her soul.

It was necessary to keep the woman under strict control and beat her regularly. The children were subjected to the same upbringing. The presence of such a stereotype of behavior was imposed by church ministers, who believed that a woman is the root of evil, a devilish temptation and a source of evil spirits. To cleanse the wife’s soul, the husband was recommended to teach her as often as possible and at the same time beat her.

This kind of punishment was perceived as preventive work. Thanks to them, the woman was supposed to be freed from her vices, which she inherited at the time of birth. It was believed that when beating, the husband showed concern that his wife’s soul would be saved from suffering in hell. Women who have mastered this science began to believe that if a man does not beat his wife, it means that he does not pay due attention to her, and, accordingly, does not love her. These relationships are reflected in Domostroy, which is a famous literary monument.

"How to beat your wife"

This document contains many chapters devoted to exactly how to raise a wife. An anonymous adviser gives recommendations on how to beat a woman so that severe injuries are not caused. Thus, it was not recommended to hit the eyes, ears and other important bodily areas, which could lead to serious injuries. In addition, it was not recommended to use heavy and especially metal objects for the purpose of education, because as a result the wife could become crippled.

If you look through Domostroy, you will find that this kind of physical techniques were applied to children, servants and careless workers. All these people, according to the compilers of this work, should have been regularly beaten for the purpose of prevention; this was the responsibility of the man, since he was the head of the family. It was believed that by doing this he showed concern for his loved ones.

If he doesn’t beat you up, it means he’s fallen out of love

In this way, Russian women perceived a manifestation of loyalty towards themselves. Nowadays this sounds strange and wild, but previously the girl was raised in a society dominated by men. Her whole life was regulated by harsh laws in the family and clan. Most often, Russian women did not have any education. They had a narrow outlook.