Not to be led: how to teach a child to have his own opinion. My son is a wingman Friends since childhood

What to do if a teenager gets into bad company? Parents, having learned about this, immediately try to pull their careless child out of this “gathering of bad guys who have neither upbringing, nor worthy interests, nor goals in life.” However, you should not immediately blame other people’s children for “wrongness.” After all, their parents may think the same thing about your child, saying that he is the one who has a bad influence on others.

In fact, children themselves choose the environment in which they feel comfortable and safe. This is their choice! And only by calling on wisdom and patience for help can you influence this choice. And if such popular methods as taking away the phone, turning off the Internet, locking the house are used as punishment, this will not help the matter. And it will even worsen the situation in which mom will become her worst enemy. After all, not only does she not give enough love, affection, attention, but she also deprives the teenager of the means that help a teenager entertain himself on his own, escaping loneliness.

Reasons why a child gets involved with bad company:

searching for people who will respect and accept him for who he is, without moralizing or reproaching;
the desire to be “like everyone else” (at this age, children want to belong to some kind of group, so as not to feel like loners and outcasts. And therefore they start trying cigarettes, drugs, alcohol not because they think it’s right, but simply for company, as everybody);
the need to feel part of society, a team, to express one’s opinion, to gain authority and respect, to establish contacts;
escape from loneliness and emotional coldness that occurs at home, in the family;
searching for an authority from whom you can learn new things;
protest and desire to do things out of spite, simply to disobey and show one’s independence and independence;
the desire to be popular, and at this age popularity is perceived in such a way that even if they speak badly about you, it is better than not speaking at all and not paying attention.

An important reason that teenagers unite in bad companies is that they feel each other’s problems, understand and support each other as best they can. Unfortunately, it is not their fault that they cannot receive the necessary support and understanding in the family... Parents, at best, instill only formal values: you need to be neat, study well and give way to your elders. But there is no quality communication and accessible explanations of “what is good and what is bad” in these families.

Therefore, if children choose a company in which it is “cool” not to play sports, but to sit back, smoke, swear, then it is not they who are to blame, but their parents, who did not instill the correct life values in their consciousness and did not explain what it means to “be” cool."

Signs that parents should be alert to:

The appearance of “strange and wrong” friends among a teenager.
A locked room and strict restriction of parents' access to their personal space.
Absenteeism from school, as well as missing clubs and sections. Often parents, when sending their child to classes, do not even suspect that he is going to a completely different place, for example, to meet his new friends.
Lost things and money from home. Moreover, the theft may not be committed by your child, but by one of those whom he brought into the house during the absence of his parents.
Strange changes in appearance.
Complaints from neighbors and teachers.
A passion for heavy music and songs with obscene words that came out of nowhere.
Bad mood, depression, tearfulness and excessive irritability.
Tension in communication with parents, rudeness, silence, isolation.
Lack of self-confidence (sometimes a teenager himself understands that the company he has contacted is bad, and that he is starting to do the wrong things. And therefore he himself doubts whether it is worth continuing to communicate with new people).
An obsessive desire to spend a lot of time outside the home.
The smell of tobacco, alcohol, inappropriate behavior typical of people who use drugs...

What to do:

The first thing you need to realize is that a teenager goes into bad company on his own, without coercion, following his desires. This means that he must get out of there himself, guided by his own motives. And parents must change the environment at home and the relationship with the teenager so that he no longer wants to seek understanding and support outside the family.
The main rule of education is the use of “I-messages” in conversations. This means that instead of the phrases “You did wrong”, “Why are you silent all the time like a fish!” you need to say: “I worry a lot when you do this,” “I love you and would like us to talk more about what worries you.”
To ensure productive conversations, choose the right time and place. If a conflict has just occurred or one of you is simply not in a good mood, wait until you calm down. Make sure you don't lose your temper and resort to accusations and insults if something goes wrong during the conversation.
Teenagers really want to be respected, noticed, and considered cool. So explain the meaning of the word “cool.” Tell them that in order to arouse admiration, you don’t need to smoke and swear, but learn to do something that not everyone can do. It’s cool to be able to draw awesome pictures, work in Photoshop, speak a foreign language fluently, do cool dance moves, win a medal in some sport, etc. This will definitely cause “Wow!” from their peers, because they can’t do that. And anyone who has a mouth can take a puff or say an obscene word.
Praise and admire the student. He needs it so much! Children themselves would often very much like to tell their family about what worries them, but the fear of being misunderstood and ridiculed forces them to share the news not with their parents, but with friends who will definitely not criticize and teach life.
Be a clear example and bearer of the values you are trying to instill in a teenager. After all, no one will listen to a person who talks about the dangers of smoking, but at the same time smokes himself.
Allow yourself to invite the teenager's new friends from a bad crowd to visit and discreetly watch them. Maybe everything is not as scary as you imagined, and these are ordinary children. Or maybe it will turn out that your child is the “ringleader”.
Don’t be afraid to share your feelings and experiences with your son or daughter. Don’t be shy to be the first to ask for forgiveness after quarrels, to show tears if you are really hurt by the child’s rudeness and behavior. (Read about reasons for children's grievances against parents ).
Unobtrusively tell us what bad habits can lead to, using real examples from the lives of acquaintances or strangers. You can watch feature films and documentaries together, illustrating the consequences of association with bad company, about the dangers of smoking and drugs. Here it is important not just to prohibit, but to ensure that the teenager develops the right attitude towards those things that can cripple his life.
Learn to negotiate so that a growing person understands that he is being consulted, considered, and not ordered in the form of an ultimatum.
Spend more time together, find energy for it, and at least half an hour to an hour a day. Don't despair if your first attempts look ridiculous and are rejected by your offspring.
Try to make friends by doing everything that real friends do: go to a cafe, take a walk, ask for advice, share secrets, listen, don’t call names, don’t criticize and help in everything with deeds and words.
Raise your child's self-esteem, because it is usually children with low self-esteem who cannot defend their point of view and are overly dependent on the opinions of others.
Hug every day and don’t be shy to say kind words, show care and warmth.
Help the teenager find alternative company, for example, in a gym, scout club, or creative circles. Let him see for himself the difference in life values between the “good” and “bad” guys. After all, a child often ends up in bad company only because he couldn’t find a good one.!
Check social networks and your child’s mobile phone to know who he communicates with, how he lives and what he worries about. Skillfully manage the information received in conversations, directing your train of thought in the right direction. Ideally, this should be done secretly, because we all know that snooping on other people's phones is not good. But in this case, this forbidden technique may be the only opportunity to find out the truth and, by sounding the alarm in time, protect the teenager from rash steps that could ruin his life.
If a teenager begins to wear inappropriate clothes and try out “war paint,” do not be sarcastic or make caustic comments, but show other examples, look at fashion magazines together, buy stylish clothes like those you find in magazines, ask your son or daughter to help create a wardrobe for him. you.
Sometimes it’s useful to just wait a little, and the situation will “resolve” itself. If your child was raised correctly and has the right life values, then after some time the teenager himself will be disappointed in his new friends and leave the bad company on his own, realizing that they have too different interests and worldviews.
Remember what not to do so as not to aggravate the situation:

Scandal
Beat,
Conduct show searches
Throw tantrums
Give ultimatums
Peremptorily prohibit (the forbidden fruit is sweet),
Threaten,
Forcibly drawn to a psychologist (find out when a child needs help from a psychologist ),
Keep under house arrest for a long time,
Deprive of telephone, internet (although if struggling with internet addiction, then this method of punishment will be for the good).

20. Instead of strict punishments and shouting, it is better to ask yourself the question more often: what kind of parent am I, what topics do I talk about with my son or daughter? Most likely, this is just a formal: “How are you? Have you done your homework? Have you eaten?” But the internal state of a growing man, his relationships with friends, the opposite sex, and teachers remain unattended...

Many parents feel that if their children are well-fed and have a roof over their heads, then their parenting mission is accomplished. Of course, buying clothes, feeding, paying for clubs and tutors is good, but it is clearly not enough to protect a teenager from bad companies in which he is looking for the missing understanding and attention to himself as an individual.

If you know effective ways to deal with this problem, share in the comments. Maybe your advice will help someone turn from the wrong path to the right one!

My son is, unfortunately, a follower in his group of friends. I am very afraid that, as he grows up, he will fall under the influence of “bad company.” How to develop a sense of leadership in a child?

Postponed Postponed Subscribe You are subscribed

Answered by Zlata Graiber

Not every child who was a follower in a peer group ends up in bad company. These things are not related to each other at all. And it is better to be a “follower” in a good company than a leader in a bad one. Whether your son will become a leader or not depends on what opportunities were given to him by the Creator and his parents. If he has a penchant for leadership and has not been bullied by overbearing parents, he has every chance of becoming a leader. And he will later decide for himself who and what he should be.

If you mean spinelessness, readiness to obey anyone and everyone who starts giving orders, then this is a completely different problem. It is called “low self-esteem,” which entails a reluctance to take responsibility.

When a child views himself as a being of little value, weak, stupid and unsuccessful, he will readily submit to any leadership, even of very low quality. That is why the Soviet government (like many other authorities) invested so much effort in humiliating and trampling the human personality. Rams are easy to manage. People are difficult.

Therefore, the surest way to teach leadership is to increase a child’s self-esteem. This is not a quick task, and it must be taken seriously and responsibly, because self-esteem is the foundation of a person’s entire life.

First of all, the child must be treated in such a way that he understands and FEELS that he is loved (see “love languages”). He needs to be praised a lot: with and without reason. Soviet education said that there is no need to praise, well, except for a feat, but it is necessary to point out more what has not yet been done. This supposedly helps a person become a better person. And if he just behaves well, there is nothing to praise for, that’s how it should be. The true goals of such an ideology - see two paragraphs above. Downtrodden people automatically become followers.

Check - why is it not profitable for your son to be a leader? How do you, his parents, feel about the manifestation of his leadership qualities? To reluctance to obey instructions, for example? To the desire to do what he thinks is right? In the answers to these questions you can find the answer to your first question...

Praise your son, notice any success he has, even the smallest and most insignificant. Convince him that he is smart, strong, wonderful, talented. Support him when he is having a hard time. The main quality of a leader is to rise after falling. To teach this, you need understanding and patience; you cannot rush him to “rise.” Learn to criticize without offending, and reduce the number of instructions addressed to him. Then he will have the opportunity to learn to respect himself and develop as a person.

And even if he decides not to become a leader in his company, he will be the leader of his life, a person who has principles, knows how to set and achieve goals, makes decisions independently and rightfully enjoys the respect of others.

Share this page with your friends and family:

In contact with

Classmates

Related materials

My son is 2.6. He throws toys, doesn’t pick them up, screams, spits at home, and today he spat on children in the park...

Tzipporah Haritan

My 5.5 year old son often touches his genitals. What to do and how to react?

Tzipporah Haritan

Do boys touch themselves until they get married?

Your child is very obedient and reliable, never argues with you, and in the company of children always agrees with the rules of the game of more active comrades. He happily shares his toys, compliments everyone and never gets into conflict, even if he doesn’t agree with something.

Such children are called followers. In order to understand why the baby developed such a character trait, you need to understand in more detail the reasons that caused it.

Usually, children who are under the overprotection and subordination of their parents, but due to their temperament, do not find the strength or sufficient motivation to resist this state of affairs, become followers. Usually phlegmatic, melancholic or sickly, not very active children become followers.

When interacting with peers, led children automatically transfer their relationships with their parents to relationships in the group. Often conformist children become followers. Sometimes the motive for such behavior may lie in the area of fear of loneliness. The child is afraid that if he does not accept other people’s rules of the game, no one will be friends with him.

The result does not take long to wait. Such children often become the target of jokes and teasing because they are unable to fight back. They are teased with various offensive nicknames. In games, they always get the most unprofitable roles, their opinion in the group is never taken into account, more active children begin to command and push them around.

It is not difficult to simulate the future of such a child. Agreeing with the opinion of the group or crowd in everything, such people will take on the role of a follower in the future. Submitting to their parents, they choose the wrong profession that they would like to do, the wrong type of activity, and if they are under the influence of their comrades, they often commit antisocial acts.

All this leads to dissatisfaction with one’s life and nervous breakdowns in the future. Therefore, it is necessary to correct the behavior of a driven child from an early age, when passivity has not yet become a dominant character trait.

Where should you start working? First of all, explain to your child that you must defend your opinion. Even if the child does not agree with the parents’ opinion regarding his life or everyday life, he needs to argue, and not agree unconditionally. It is important to develop in a child leadership qualities and the ability to defend their opinion. To do this, encourage in every possible way any independent action of the child: an offer to play a game, go for a walk to a specific place, etc. Never put pressure on your child with your authority; you must not give the child the impression that parents are the last authority, from where only directives come that must be followed unconditionally. It is important that the child understands that parents are also capable of making mistakes.

Teach your baby to say “no!” This is a very important ability to refuse a person if for some reason he cannot fulfill the request. You don’t have to agree on everything even with older, authoritative people. This will help the child in the future not to get hooked by those comrades who persuade them to try alcohol or drugs or encourage them to commit illegal actions. The ability to say “no” when necessary! will help the child grow into a self-sufficient and conscious person who is able to go through life, focusing only on his own goals and ideals, who knows how to achieve his own. Teach your child to argue and defend his point of view. Start disputes with him on a variety of topics and at the same time give in to him. Take into account the child’s opinion, allow him to put his ideas into practice, because theoretical reasoning alone will be of little use.

Play games with your baby in which he will act as a leader, managing some part of life. For example, let him be the father of the family, and you his daughter, that is, in a situation where social roles are changing.
All these measures taken together will correct the child’s behavior and prevent him from being a pawn in the hands of more active friends, allowing him to become more decisive and independent.
Nurturing independence
Stages of developing independence skills:
1. The child participates in the work that the elders do, helping them and under the full control of the elders.
2. The child does a new thing together with his parents.
3. The child does the job, the parents help him.
4. The child does everything on his own!
The most important question is the division of responsibility: in what situations should parents help the child, and in what situations should they face the fact that they need to solve their problems themselves?
In order for a child to get used to acting independently, you need to take care of three conditions:
1. The child’s own desire.
2. An obstacle on the way to the object of desire that the child can overcome.
3. Lasting Reward! This idea is brilliant, but how to implement it in life is not always immediately clear.
In order for our children (and sometimes quite adults) to stop being children and become independent, it is important:
· Do not cultivate lack of independence. Lack of independence is not completely and not always a character trait; more often it is a learned, habitual behavior, either routinely adopted from those around them, or used in connection with certain conditional benefits. Lack of independence is cultivated in the same way as any other skill and character trait: first of all, with the help of suggestions and reinforcement of non-independent behavior.
· Teach children to obey. This sounds paradoxical, but it is exactly so: the best way to raise your child to be independent is to first teach him to obey you.
· Encourage independence. If a child sees beautiful and vivid examples of independent, successful children, the child will want to be like them.

· Create situations where independence is possible and within their capabilities. Give your child some areas in which he can master unfamiliar actions that are unusual for him. How will we outline these areas, for example, for a five-year-old child? Write down what your child should be able to do independently and well at age six. For example, setting the table, keeping toys in order, and so on... Thus, you create the opportunity for him to do this independently day after day and hone the skill to the point where the child can completely control this area of new actions for him.
· Create situations where independence and adulthood are prestigious and attractive.
· Create situations where independence is mandatory and simply forced. Children simply need to be taught to adult life, responsibility and independence, including affairs and concerns in adult life. In Africa, children herd cattle from the age of 3, as soon as they learn to walk well. In the village, children have adult responsibilities from the age of 5-7. “How old are you? “The seventh has passed...” (Nekrasov, “A Little Man with a Marigold”).

A child without his own opinion rarely bothers his parents, because we ourselves teach him to obey and trust our requirements and tastes. But by the age of 7, this can become a problem - especially if there are friends next to him who know exactly what they want. And then the follower becomes an object of manipulation. First at school, then in life.

February 22, 2015· Text: Svetlana Zabegailova· Photo: Shutterstock, GettyImages

Parents who do not give their child freedom, decide everything for him, do not trust his natural ability to find benefit from both trial and error, and close his development around themselves. YOU are the safest environment for him, YOUR instructions are the only correct ones. A child lives and grows up with such a directive.

The child, in search of his place among his peers, tries to fit in with the group, but, constantly being in strong subordination to his parents, he is also only able to be in a subordinate position in a group of children. Of course, he is not comfortable, but he is forced to go against his desires. The main thing is to be accepted, to gain a foothold in a group of guys, the rest is less important. Alas, other children quickly figure out how to use their new reliable friend: in kindergarten he will perform tasks that no one likes to do, and on the playground he will play roles that no one wants to take on. In moments of children's conflicts, they will be pushed around, and the baby will always support the stronger side, regardless of whose side is right. So the baby will gradually learn to humble himself and become weak-willed and lacking initiative.

The complete lack of freedom of choice in childhood has an extremely negative impact on children's self-esteem. A grown-up child will consider himself insufficiently competent, respected, will always be indecisive, which means he will not be able to take a worthy place in life and will certainly not achieve what he could.

Friends since childhood

Don't interfere with children's friendship, it teaches a lot and is very important.

Friendship is a very valuable union of two or more people with similar interests and views on the world, or, conversely, completely opposite and complementary. Is childhood friendship strong? Undoubtedly, there are a huge number of people who have grown up, and even grown old, who have carried through their entire lives a precious relationship with their childhood friend.

By the age of 4, a child’s communication with peers becomes meaningful, he tries to cooperate, distribute tasks and roles in the game. By the age of 5-6 years, the child does not yet strive for self-affirmation at any cost. At this age, something else is more important - a common cause, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a game or just a conversation. The main thing is to be together. It is at this age that a new feeling first arises - the desire to do something for a friend, the feeling of a shoulder and the desire for partnership. The child sees in front of him another person who thinks differently, is interested in different things, plays different games. These activities are no better or worse, but they are different and this is the first thing that attracts the little researcher.

But by the age of 7, the child develops an interest not only in activities, but also in the personality of his little friend. The baby pays attention to him and consciously takes care of him. And, of course, in all these joint activities, the mutual copying of words, movements and gestures comes first. And your attempts to eradicate children's craving for imitation will be almost hopeless.

Imitation at this stage is the most important mechanism for assimilating experience and adapting to the world. But we, parents, know that outside the apartment, not everything is so rosy; the baby will face grief and disappointment.

Friendship should not be consumeristic, because the basis is not so much revenue as mutual assistance; everyone should benefit from this personal symbiosis. One should not be a constant lifesaver or vest for the emotional cleansing of someone's soul.

A true friend will not remain silent if his friend does something bad, will not be indifferent when his friend is about to make a big mistake, will not remain silent if his friend is wrong. Even if your child is not a leader in a group of children, he is a valuable member of the group because he has his own opinion on all issues and is not afraid to voice his view of things. And a leader can show both good and bad direction.

How to teach him to distinguish a positive example from a negative one? It is necessary to help the child develop independence of thinking and behavior from what is imposed from the outside. To do this you need to give him two keys. The first is the key to yourself – a healthy and realistic assessment of yourself. The second is the key to the doors that he wants to open - the ability to set his own goals, believe in himself, achieve his goals and say “no” to those who are trying to lead him astray.

10 diseases that interfere with life.

So, what makes us “followers”:

Low self-esteem
Feeling of own inferiority.
Submission and devotion.
Lack of a developed sense of responsibility.
Excessive gullibility.
Lack of life experience. Unstable beliefs.
Timidity and shyness.
Increased sensitivity, emotionality and impressionability.
Uncritical thinking.
Acute emotional loneliness.

KEY ONE: “I trust myself very much.”

Before you have your say and help others understand and accept yourself, you need to correctly assess your personality, your individuality. Understand your value and don't sell it cheap.

10 straws for our soul:

1. Unconditional love of parents.

She should be here first! Help your child feel that he doesn't have to do anything special to earn your love. Whether he is successful or not, handsome or not, you love him very much. Children's complexes are based not on the child's real problems, but on our negative assessments.

2. Recognize successes, even if we expected more.

The emphasis should be shifted to the very fact of achieving the goal, and it is better not to dwell on failures at all.

3. Call yourself affectionately.

As you like? Don't you like it at all when I call you that? I understand, I won’t do it again! Parents don’t even suspect how often they lower their children’s self-esteem with their “harmless and innocent” nicknames.

4. I set myself up for success.

Come up with positive ideas for the week for yourself and your child:

“I am the kindest” or “I am very smart”

At the end of the day, you can tell what exactly you did to prove your kindness and confirm your courage. Play the game: “I boast a little, but I’m not arrogant.” When doing something, create new and new pseudonyms: “I am the most skillful Dumpling COOK”, “I am a clever BubbleDUV”.

5. Change negative thoughts to positive ones.

If a child comes home from a walk sad, is dissatisfied with how he read a poem, breaks something, gets it dirty, or loses it, don’t swear. Not all singers are artists, and not all pianists are mathematicians! Try to provide support in this trouble: “Can’t jump over? But how can you run!”, “Not everyone can be an artist, someone has to fly into space!”, “Are you dirty? Great, I’ll teach you how to remove stains with a special secret remedy.”

6. I'm proud of you for...!

Tell your child words of praise, but not just “clever girl,” but “you drew such a wonderful sun, smart girl,” “great, you caught the ball.” The child must understand that praise is given for some achievements. In the end, she will be much more valuable than the usual “well done.”

7. Don't be afraid to start.

Afraid to climb a hill? But we can climb one step and stand on it today and tomorrow and, if necessary, the day after tomorrow. And then there will be step two.

Allow your child to grow and learn within his or her physical, mental, and even emotional capabilities. Set feasible tasks that are doomed to success in advance, and then the child will gradually learn to trust himself, believe in his abilities and try more.

8. What do you think?

Recognize your child's right to a personal opinion. Only those who have a choice are ready to take responsibility for the consequences of their decision. But what if it suddenly fails? Don’t say: “I warned you,” these words contain some inexplicable satisfaction with failure. Say: “Yes, it didn’t turn out quite as you expected. Think about what needs to be fixed.” The kid decides for himself and makes mistakes, but the main thing is not this, but what he will do better next. He will not stop trying, he will not be afraid of the consequences. And this is the first step towards the ability to take responsibility for your life.

9. I listen to you carefully.

The method of active listening is the work that forces dad to take his mind off football, and mom to take her mind off the dirty dishes. Why is this necessary? Because when people talk to each other, they look into each other’s eyes, they want to understand their interlocutor, his thoughts, feelings, motives.

10. It was 100 years ago.

Your own childhood experience is a real storehouse of valuable lessons; these are stories that teach a child without moralizing and grumbling.

KEY TWO: “I am not a leader, but I am a PERSONALITY!”

10 rods for my child.

Are you far from a leader? Don’t be upset, because there are both gray cardinals and modest princesses. No matter how soft, gentle and impressionable your child is, developing leadership qualities will only benefit him. The main thing is not to overdo it and not to strive to make the baby someone he is not and someone he is not capable of becoming and, most importantly, does not want.

1. I am an independent kid.

Give your child more freedom, let him accumulate rich experience in overcoming various tasks and difficulties. Through them he learns many skills that give him the confidence “I know how to do this.”

2. I love to dream.

Dream together as often as possible. Imagine yourself walking in a fairytale forest and saving a sick wolf from evil hunters, and then helping him find true friends who didn’t know him at all before and for some reason were afraid of him. Imagine how you are exploring space, the depths of the ocean, fighting thirst in the desert, making your way through marshy swamps. Use positive visualizations as often as possible: “imagine yourself strong”, “imagine yourself successful”, “imagine yourself on a fiery horse”.

3. I am a valiant hero.

Read to your child fairy tales about heroes who help someone out of trouble, overcome dangers, fight their own passions (fears, greed), look for stories with a clear moral. Discuss them. Learn to distinguish between the actions and thoughts of different characters, what they are (jealousy, lies, envy, courage, devotion), how to relate to them and how to react to them. Emphasize which friends are real and which are imaginary? When taking a break from reading, ask: “Do you like Gerda? Why do you think the little robber keeps animals in captivity? Is it because she’s very bad, or is she just very lonely?”

4. I have already lost this role.

Tell us that all people are different, look different, have different preferences, so we can never please everyone. But we can always remain honest with people and with ourselves. Teach your child to correctly express his attitude towards people (whether it is good or bad), to refuse what is unacceptable to him. Speak with conviction (the main thing is not what to say, but how), look the offender in the eyes.

To combat children's uncertainty and indecision, create a series of situations, the way out of which will require a certain firmness and courage, and play out these situations with your child repeatedly. You need to literally coach him, train him in those moments where he is faced with aggressive behavior, he is forced to close his eyes to something, do something bad, or he just needs to gather his courage and overcome his shortcoming.

6. The main thing is not to lead - the main thing is to finish.

Teach your child to finish what he starts. Let your parental motto at this stage be: “I will be there and together we will cope”

7. Initiative is not punishable!

Welcome any endeavor. Support and approve your child’s ideas, hobbies, interests. Even if they quickly replace each other, they still enrich the child’s worldview, make him competent in many areas, and help him in further self-determination.

8. I can laugh at myself.

Only a parent who is capable of laughing at himself and who is careful about the personality of his children can teach a child to laugh at himself: “Don’t be afraid to be funny. I'm terribly awkward. I love to make faces. Look how comical I look with a pillow and a big red mustache. Imagine how funny it will be if you paint your teeth black and draw a black eye, and then greet your mother from work like that.” Play clowns, fat women, shaggy men and wait for your child to want to take part in this venture. When an insecure child tells you, “Look, I'm funny,” that's a victory!

Agree
Compromise
Coping with dissatisfaction, jealousy, resentment
Experiencing disappointments and breakups
Defend your rights, toys, beliefs
Share your feelings, secrets, thoughts
Overcome fear and uncertainty.

Driven baby. How can parents prevent this from happening? If parents do not give the child freedom, they make all decisions for him themselves, they have no trust in his natural ability to benefit from anything, both from mistakes and from trials, his development is closed only around himself, the safest thing for a child is only they themselves, and their advice and instructions are only the most correct, then the driven child lives and grows up with such a position.

The child is driven - what to do, how to fix it?

The child is driven - what to do, how to fix it

Friendship is considered to be a union of two or more people who have similar interests and hobbies, or vice versa, a union of opposite people who are able to complement each other in some way.

At about the age of four, the child is already trying to cooperate and distribute roles and tasks in games. By the age of five or six, the child does not yet strive for self-affirmation.

At this age, something else is important, that is, some common cause, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s a simple conversation or a game. The main thing is to be with the little one.

Right now there is a new feeling of doing something for a friend, a desire for partnership. And we adults know very well that outside the house, not everything is so colorful; the child will encounter grief and even disappointment there.

Friendship under no circumstances can be consumeristic, because its basis is mutual assistance; everyone should benefit from friendship, not just one party. One of the friends should not always be the lifesaver; a true friend will not remain silent if his friend intends to do something bad or a big mistake.

If your child does not occupy a leading position in the team, he is a valuable member of the group, since he has his own opinion and has his own view of what is happening. Likewise, a leader can show direction, both good and bad.

When a child is a follower, he tries to find his place in a group of peers, he tries to fit in with the group, but since he lives in strong subordination to his mom and dad, then in the group he will take the place of a subordinate.

Other children, alas, are able to very quickly recognize a trouble-free child and use it to their advantage.

For example, in kindergarten such a child will do tasks that no one wants, and on the playground will play roles that others do not like. If a conflict situation arises, such a child will be pushed around and will support the side of the strongest, despite the fact that the truth may be on the other side.

How to teach a child to distinguish a negative example from a positive one? The child is a follower - you need to try to teach him to think independently of what is happening and intrusive from the outside.

To do this, he must - first: be able to set his own goals, achieve the tasks that he has outlined, believe in his own strength, and be able to say no to someone who is trying to lead him astray. The second is to give yourself a healthy and realistic assessment.

How to help a child develop leadership qualities or simply become an individual?

Is your Follower Child far from being a leader? Do not be upset, because no matter how soft, impressionable and gentle your baby is, developing the qualities of a leader will only benefit him. The main thing is just don’t overdo it, you don’t need to forcefully turn your baby into someone he is not, someone he can never become, and most importantly, he doesn’t want to!

The child should be given as much freedom as possible, let him accumulate experience in solving various problems and minor difficulties. Through them, the child learns many skills that will build his confidence and awareness of his own Self (“I know how to do this”).

If you live in a private house, you can buy a playground and arrange a yard for play, inviting children to play with your “master of the situation.” For parents of children living in high-rise buildings, we offer to order a playground inexpensively, collecting money from the entire large yard!

Allow your child to invite many different friends to visit you; among them, someday there will be a kindred spirit for your child, a faithful friend.

Teach your child to look for differences in the thoughts and actions of different characters, heroes - what they are like (courage, envy, devotion, anger), how to relate to them and how to react to them. Focus on which friends are real and which are false. When you read, sometimes get distracted and ask, for example: “how do you like the Snow Queen? Why is Gerda looking for her little brother?”

In order for the Guided Child to cope with his indecision and uncertainty, create several situations in which courage and firmness are needed, and play them out several times.

The child needs to be trained in those moments where he is faced with aggression towards himself, where he is forced to do something bad and turn a blind eye to something. Here are some possible situations: You are advised to cross the road in a dangerous place. Explain your position on this matter. Or: your friend offends a girl or a younger child. Stop him.

You need to dream together with your child. Imagine walking through a fairytale forest and saving a little bunny from a gray wolf, and then helping him find his family. Imagine how you are in space or at the bottom of the ocean, trying to fight thirst, walking through a hot desert, and so on. You need to use positive associations more often: “imagine yourself strong,” “imagine yourself on a fairytale horse.”

The child needs to be told that people are all different, everyone has their own opinions and preferences, and what everyone likes is simply impossible. But we can always be honest with ourselves and with people. Teach your child to correctly express his attitude towards his peers, whether it is good or bad, and even to refuse what is unacceptable for him. Speak with conviction, looking the offender straight in the eyes.

The child does not need to be scolded and punished for failures and mistakes. Let a mistake be a valuable lesson, not a feeling of guilt.

Parents need to teach their child to always finish what they start. Offer him your help if something doesn't work out for him.

Only parents who know how to laugh at themselves and who take care of the personalities of their children can teach a child to laugh at themselves.

You can play as fat aunts, dress up as clowns or shaggy uncles and wait until the child himself wants to take part in this game. When a child who is not confident in himself tells you: “I’m funny, look at me,” then you have won!

Parents should welcome any endeavors of their child and support all hobbies and interests. Even if they change several times a day, they enrich the child’s worldview and help him in further self-determination.

How to teach a child to trust himself?

Before you have your say and help others accept and understand themselves, you first need to correctly assess your personality and individuality. The child must understand his value and not sell it for cheap.

The child can help with this. Let your child feel that you don’t need to do anything special for him to feel your love. Let your child be sure that you love him very much, and this does not depend on whether he is beautiful or not, successful or not at all. Our negative assessments lie at the heart of children's complexes.

Parents need to recognize their child’s right to their own opinion. Only the person who has a choice is able to bear responsibility for the decision he chooses.

What if the follower child took the wrong step? Under no circumstances say: “I told you so, I warned you,” these words seem to imply satisfaction with the failure that occurred. It’s better to say: “yes, it didn’t turn out quite as you thought. But we need to think about how everything can be improved.”

A driven child learns to make decisions himself and sometimes makes mistakes in them, but the main thing is that he himself will learn to correct them, and will continue to get better, he will not stop trying and there will be no consequences. And this is the first step towards taking responsibility for your life.

Parents need to recognize their child's successes, even if they expected much more from him. You need to focus on achievements, and you shouldn’t dwell on failures.

Parents need to ask their child if he likes what they call him. After all, mom and dad very often don’t even suspect that with their seemingly “harmless” nickname they can lower the child’s self-esteem.

You should always try to change negative thoughts to positive ones. One day a child came home from a walk upset, dissatisfied with the fact that he recited a poem poorly, or broke something, lost it, or got it dirty - don’t scold him. Not all artists sing well, not all historians know mathematics. Try to support your child here too with joy in your voice: “Can’t overtake? But how well you jump!” “Not everyone has to be a football player, someone has to be an artist!”

The child definitely needs to say words of praise, and not just “well done,” but “what a beautiful tree you drew, smart girl” or “how cleverly you throw the ball.” A driven child must understand that all parental praise is given for any achievements and it is much more valuable than the simple word “clever.”

Come up with positive guidelines for doing something for both yourself and your child. For example: “I am the bravest”, “I am the kindest”. At the end of the day, you can talk about those things with which you proved your kindness and courage.

You can play this game: “I boast a little, but that doesn’t mean I’m arrogant.” When the child does something, let him say new nicknames: “I am the most skillful artist” or “I am the most accurate ball thrower.”

You need to teach your Child not to be afraid to make any endeavors. For example, is he afraid to climb the children's ladder? “Today we can climb just one step and just stand, and tomorrow we will climb another one.

Allow your child to grow and learn according to his mental, physical and even emotional capabilities. Often set any feasible tasks for your child that will certainly be successful. Then the child will believe in his strength, in himself and will try more.

You should always listen carefully to your child. It's a lot of work for mom and dad to get away from the TV or housework. Why is this needed? Then, when communicating, people look into each other’s eyes, trying to understand the interlocutor’s thoughts, motives and feelings.

Remember also your childhood experiences. Your personal life examples and stories will become an invaluable experience for your child.

The child is a follower - we can completely fix it!