My son-in-law doesn't want to work. What to do if your son-in-law doesn't work. dismissed from the post of Prosecutor General

This situation is very common in modern families. Your daughter found her soulmate, got married and moved into your house with her husband. Some time passes, and you and your spouse realize that now you have to provide not one person, but two people. The situation gets worse if a new addition is expected to the new family. After some time, parents begin to be indignant: why do they have to support so many adults? Why doesn't a man take responsibility for his family? Why did he even marry if he is not able to provide for his wife and children?

If the marriage is between two students, then the situation is more complicated, because not everyone is able to successfully combine study and work. However, newlyweds should still strive for maximum autonomy, or at least discuss the issue of temporary support with their parents in advance.

The whole problem lies in the responsibility that young people need to take upon themselves, even if for now they do not have to think about earning money and self-sufficiency. If a young family is in no hurry to become responsible, then the parents will have to be responsible for their lives and take care of them. The latter may still fear that, due to a lack of resources, the young family will quickly fall apart, and their beloved grandchildren will be left without a mother or father.

The problem is that custody implies control. Thus, if parents provide for the family, then they feel the right to interfere in its life, establish their own routines in it, and monitor it. And the young family, in turn, wants to live their own lives - so that the parents will provide and not interfere with them. Of course, this happens extremely rarely.

At the same time, the customs and traditions themselves contribute to the fact that parents have to take care of their son-in-law. After all, when your daughter brings home the groom, he is often asked to address the bride’s parents as nothing other than “dad” and “mama.” In the language of the subconscious, this means that you have a second child who needs to be provided for and controlled, especially if he is financially dependent on you.

How to stop providing for a second family?

Not everyone can break this vicious circle. However, the solution is quite simple - understand that as soon as your child gets married, he enters another family, and you no longer need to take responsibility for it. Divide boundaries and stop considering your daughter or son to be an unreasonable child, incapable of responsibility and self-sufficiency. Do not control them, do not impose your opinion and do not give unsolicited advice.

A young family also needs to understand this and start making a living on their own, overcome difficulties, care for and support each other in difficult times, and, of course, enjoy the freedom and set their own routines and rules.

The case is about how a son-in-law married off his mother-in-law for 10 years, but never did. Fashionable sentence. Issue dated January 18, 2018

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Danila Marin wants to place her beloved mother-in-law Margarita Raikopulo in good hands, but she hides from potential suitors with gray robes and a nondescript appearance. “I have known Margarita for 11 years,” says Danila, “and all this time I have been doing all the men’s work in her house. I made four repairs! But I’m already tired, and I’ve been wanting to find a caring man for her for a long time. And with such a gray, inexpressive wardrobe, it’s hard to find a man!” But Margarita explains: I worked as a nanny for more than four years, and I got used to the fact that clothes should, first of all, be comfortable. And now I run a children's center, there is something to do there all the time, and I continue to dress in the same style. I can’t do it any other way!” Will the program's stylists be able to create a bright and attractive image for Margarita that will help her improve her personal life?

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My husband doesn’t want to work: what should I do?

“My husband stopped going to work,” the sad woman pronounces this phrase doomedly. And we are not talking about a person who lost his job as a result of a financial crisis or poor health. How to help a man get out of this state and is it possible to see in advance a tendency towards parasitism in the chosen one?

In one family, a young pianist husband worked part-time in a restaurant in the evenings, but he was tired of this occupation, and he announced to his wife that he no longer wanted to play for “chewing moneybags”, and that he would not exchange for another job, because he was going to prepare for a competition named after P.I. Tchaikovsky; The competition will take place in 4 years. As a result, the wife became the breadwinner, and the husband calmly picks up the child from kindergarten, spends evenings with him, does not do anything that he considers beneath his dignity, does not earn money, but does not suffer from the lack of it. In another situation, a man admits that he is “tired” of work; he also sits at home and happily helps the nanny with the children, cooks dinner for his wife, and cleans the apartment. Despite the fact that he used to devote himself to work with rapture, he is currently very happy with the state of things. He believes that he is doing "real things and living a real life." True, for some reason he began to actively notice his wife’s shortcomings - he either blames her for being a bad mother and doesn’t spend enough time with the children, or she doesn’t take care of the house the way he wanted - she doesn’t cook food, doesn’t wash the floors.

Can a “normal” man not want to work? Isn't conscious withdrawal into family life and household a sign of some hidden problems?

Alexander KOLMANOVSKY, psychologist, Head of the center for socio-psychological rehabilitation “Our Life”:

A man’s desire to stay at home appears when the possibility of self-realization is impaired. For example, when a person’s claim is greater than the basis for it, as in the case of a pianist who has very great claims to success, but he has to start with a restaurant pianist. Or when a person is minding his own business and does not understand it himself, when he is not pulling his weight - he works as a manager, but should be a teacher, etc. I would not say that men not working is a trend, but the changing times themselves contribute to this, because women have become freer, more protected, and the family is not as dependent on one man as it was before.

What to do with it, how to live with it? To comment on situations with husbands who do not want to work and to give advice to wives, we asked Archpriest Maxim PERVOZVANSKY, cleric of the Church of the Forty Martyrs in Spasskaya Sloboda, editor-in-chief of the magazine “Heir”:

— The reasons for men’s “non-work” are different; and in one situation this is justified, but in another it is “not curable” at all. Let's say a wife has the opportunity to get a good job, earn more than her husband, and the spouses, by mutual agreement, decide that it is more convenient for the husband to stay at home with the child, and for the wife to go to work. And there is nothing wrong with this, especially if the personal qualities are such that the wife does not become the administrator of the family, the commander who gives orders: “You sit at home, do this and that!” But if the husband is basically “too lazy to work,” the situation requires professional intervention. True, you cannot forcefully help a person, just as you cannot cure an alcoholic unless he himself wants to stop drinking.

In any case, if the “non-work” has been prolonged, only a specialist can figure out whether this is a temporary situation associated with depression or a midlife crisis, or a “normal” and comfortable state for a man. But we will not talk now about such extreme situations when professional help is needed. Let’s listen to the advice that our experts give if the reluctance to work is “treated at home.”

Brainstorm: how to remove Emelya from the stove?

There lived a husband and wife, she constantly scolded him, at least behind his back - and his job, they say, is stupid, and he doesn’t earn any money at all, and doesn’t do anything around the house - he can’t drive a nail into a wall properly, she has to do everything. “Why do we need such a man!” - each time the wife finished the monologue. She endured and endured, and divorced him. But he was not left alone, as his ex-wife later said: “a certain young lady picked him up,” he got a job, began to earn money and take care of the house. This situation is quite common.

The first wife suppressed any initiative of her husband, and the second, on the contrary, made him feel that he was the head of the family, was responsible, hopes were placed on him, he was a support. With his first wife, the man constantly felt a sense of guilt, they constantly demanded something from him, scolded him for doing everything wrong.

— In a situation of continuous reproach, a man becomes constrained and, unable to bear it, leaves. Everything greatly depends on the type of psyche - there are people who are driven, they are comfortable when people decide for them what to do and how, and there are those who strive for something, but their wife “does not give it”, and they become lack of initiative. But women often behave this way simply because they don’t know any other way. In a situation with a lack of initiative, a woman is often not happy with the current situation - she asked, the husband did not comply, she demanded, the husband refused on principle. We are all principled to the point of disgrace, we do not know how to give in. But it was necessary not to demand from the husband, but to try, on the contrary, to ask his opinion: “What do you think, dear, let’s think together, dear...”

Gives even more specific advice Alexander Kolmanovsky:

— Often a man’s refusal to work is caused by a crisis, loss, and the man himself may not realize this. It seems to him that he is just tired or that no one understands or appreciates him. You don’t need to pay attention to his explanations; in this state, he doesn’t say what he really thinks about life and work; he just says something to fend off reproaches. Such emptiness of a man is most often accompanied by an unconscious feeling that he is bad, wrong, unpromising. Therefore, in order to “rehabilitate” him, he must be placed in an atmosphere of unconditional acceptance. He must be taught that any of his manifestations, actions, even negative ones, evoke sympathy from his wife and not condemnation. Let's say my husband spent the whole night on the Internet. The sympathetic wife will say in the morning: “Poor thing, how come you didn’t get enough sleep.” And the condemning one... well, there’s a lot of room for creativity.

As for his, my husband’s, work, we must understand the difference between self-affirmation, on the one hand, and self-realization, on the other. If a wife calls on her husband to “finally become a man, a breadwinner,” this makes him feel in constant neurosis. But if she helps him truly find himself, even at the temporary expense of his earnings, he will feel better and trust her.

You can brainstorm with your husband. “Tell me, if you had a magic wand, what would you like to do?” - “Ah, nothing, it would be lying on the stove.” They retreated, and two weeks later again: “Well, you’ve been lying on the stove for a long time, you’ll get bored; what would you like to do? The goal of this approach is not to force a man to finally make up his mind, but only to boost his inner search.

Both the priest and the psychologist advise: take a closer look at your chosen ones even before the registry office. We must pay attention to how a man behaves with his parents, how he behaves in a quarrel, in conflict, what conclusions he draws from this experience. Alexander Kolmanovsky suggests evaluating your future spouse as follows: “The right chosen one is not the one whose merits delighted you, but the one whose shortcomings touched you.”

Oddly enough, from the advice of male experts, the conclusion follows: the main responsibility for establishing a peaceful and mutually respectful existence in the family falls on the fragile shoulders of women. Again and again we need to learn to restrain ourselves, endure and negotiate, not make claims and support our husbands in every possible way, in no case without cutting off their oxygen.

Men who find themselves without work can be helped by the words of a person who has lived through such an experience. Arseniy, 40 years old, was unemployed for about a year: “All my life, from the age of 18, I worked. I simply could not imagine my life without work. But in 2008, during the crisis, I found myself sitting at home. At first it was a shock, but then gradually I began to get the hang of it, in a good way. I started doing things I had never done before. My wife went to work, and I prepared breakfast for myself and my son, who was one and a half years old at that moment, and went for a walk with him. We made snowmen and sledded down the hills. Then we had lunch together, I learned how to cook soup, and read books. All this time I was looking for a job, sometimes even went for interviews, but I really liked “staying at home”. I think that if at some point I had not made an effort on myself and agreed to go to a job that was not “the dream of my whole life” - not in my specialty, with a small salary, much less prestigious than the one I worked at Before this, the house could have drawn me in. Over time, I again found what I was interested in, so I think it’s wrong to sit at home without getting a job because it’s below your self-image. On the other hand, remembering that period, I understand that the Lord sent me an excellent vacation; it was perhaps the happiest time of my life.”

Mother-in-law and son-in-law: survival game

WomanHit family psychologist Victoria Goloborodova gives practical advice on how to save a marriage if your mother-in-law and son-in-law cannot stand each other.

Victoria Goloborodova - family psychologist, Ph.D., full member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League - on how to save a marriage if the mother-in-law and son-in-law cannot stand each other.

How many anecdotes have already been told, ditties sung, clever articles written about mothers-in-law and sons-in-law, and yet they are still fighting to the death! And this is truly a problem that can destroy even the strongest family.

So, first, let's figure out what happens when a son-in-law appears in the family? Moreover, the most common one. Not too rich, without a prestigious job, without his own home... and if he’s also a newcomer. All. For Muscovites, there is only one option - “a swindler who wants to deceive his daughter and take over our home.”

Of course, such options also exist, and here I can hardly help you recognize a marriage swindler, this is a topic for law enforcement agencies. Today we are talking to you about the most common situation, when the mother-in-law simply dislikes her son-in-law, and each will tell you a lot of reasons for this “dislike.” So what should you do in this case?

The most important advice to both parties is to leave immediately. Whatever the difficult circumstances, financial difficulties, and so on, there are no options. This is the only way to save a marriage. Young people must build relationships themselves, quarrel, make peace, create family traditions and live the life of THEIR family, not their parents. No matter how much mothers and fathers want to protect their children from mistakes, it is, alas, impossible to do this. Everyone goes their own way.

When a girl gets married, her husband becomes the most important person in the world. Beloved, desired, unique. The newlyweds live in this happiness, make plans for the future, dream... And then loving parents necessarily intervene in this idyll with their comments and advice, which no one asks for! They speak very unflatteringly about their son-in-law, his appearance, abilities, earnings... Is this a familiar situation? Do mom and dad think about how they hurt their daughter by forcing her to choose, argue, defend her choice and prove that her husband is the best! But the parents do not agree and continue to find shortcomings in their son-in-law, to guide “their little blood” on the right path, suggesting that “her husband is not worth a hair, and he has no idea what kind of family he has; They didn’t prepare their daughter for such a scoundrel, they nurtured every nail, but they dreamed of a diplomat, at the very least!”

And if the mother was abandoned at a young age, and she raised her daughter alone, then there are simply no options: the main enemy of humanity is men. I'm not even talking about how “such upbringing” will affect the sex life of a young girl. The most important thing is that she will most likely repeat the fate of her mother, because she was set up for this from childhood. And oops - immediately, to the delight of charlatans and witches, a “crown of celibacy” appears, which they will take off for a lot of money and all the time unsuccessfully (apparently, it is firmly enchanted). And the only reason is that the mother did not prepare the girl for family life, to understand that there is love, trust, and happy families in the world.

When such lonely women come to me for help, we write a fairy tale with them during consultation. A fairy tale about what didn’t work out in their lives: about a brave and noble knight who will definitely save the princess and fall in love with her, about a happy marriage and motherhood, about a cozy home... About what each of us dreams of. And very often these fairy tales come true, because the woman finally understands that she needs to live her life, trust her heart and look at the world with her own eyes...

I know how worried any mother is, how she wants to protect her child from adversity and trouble, but we must accept the fact that her daughter has already grown up and has every right to her life, her choice, her mistakes...

In conclusion, I would like to remind you of a Jewish fairy tale. A caring mother bird sent her grown-up chick on its first flight. As soon as he wanted to flap his wings, his mother exclaimed: “My little one! It’s so cold outside, put on a hat!” The chick was already preparing to take off, but mommy remembered that she needed to put on her boots. And then, when he practically flew out of the nest, his loving mother threw a fur coat over him. Alas. Because of such “care” the chick no longer flew anywhere, but fell down like a stone. Where the fox ate him.

Let children live their own lives. And if you really want to help young people, rent them an apartment, but not to reproach them with this, but so that they are simply happy, living with their family. And when you really want to reproach your son-in-law once again, imagine that this is your son. Look at him for a couple of minutes through your mother’s eyes, and I assure you, your attitude will definitely change. Well, I can wish all your sons-in-law to love your mother-in-law and be more tolerant, if only because she gave you the best woman in the world - your wife.

Listen to good advice and you will always know how to save your marriage.

Top 10 why son-in-law doesn't love mother-in-law?

Why don’t mother-in-law and son-in-law love each other? The conflict between mother and spouse is a sore spot for many women. As a rule, such a conflict forces a woman to be “between a rock and a hard place,” when one side sees your mother as an “evil mother-in-law,” and the other side constantly pesters the person you love.

Psychologists do not see anything surprising that the “son-in-law – mother-in-law” positions are the basis of conflict situations. And although the “golden mean” is a diplomatically correct position, in this case you should still be a little closer to your spouse.

It's simple: your mother is, first of all, a woman who is older than you. And where the feminine essence dominates the maternal instinct, this gives rise to natural envy towards you personally. But maternal feeling transforms negativity in your direction onto your loved one - this is called projection in psychoanalysis. As a result, mothers-in-law attack their sons-in-law with double aggression, some of which was actually intended for their daughters.

Most women always subconsciously get angry (this is natural) when they fall out of the female role and men perceive other ladies as the main woman. Especially if your mother is lonely, her irritation will only increase, to your happiness, even if it is unconscious and finds reasons in the form of the most insignificant reasons.

Remember: your mother always has a woman’s intelligence and years of experience on her side, so in most cases she can easily make your spouse the culprit in most matters, sometimes subtly provoking him.

Your mother's loneliness or even the lack of attention from your father in her direction is what intensifies the problem. Especially if you live with your mother in the same area.

If you live separately, try to call her more often so that she does not get the impression that you have forgotten about her (otherwise your loved one will again become the culprit for her).

Direct gifts from a son-in-law to a mother-in-law are not the best remedy. Subconsciously, a wise woman will perceive them as an elementary bribe, and even if greed (and mothers are also no strangers to vices) wins and the gifts cause great joy, then you need to even out the situation, because your mother may begin to “squeeze out” gifts from her son-in-law with everyone ways. The latter will feel this and project negativity onto you. If gifts are not sincere, but forced, then you should be more careful with the giver’s reaction to them.

Try to understand that your mother and your loved one at the same time must try on the role of the main one (well, isn’t it nice for a woman to have a supporting man next to her?), and here is another inconsistency leading to quarrels.

The illusion that mother-in-law and son-in-law are always antagonists, fortunately for us, is only an illusion. It happens that there are no conflicts and it is not even necessary to separate them by distance to minimize conflicts. However, it is still better to remember: your mother will strive to protect you, attributing all problems to your loved one. And why arouse female jealousy in mom once again? Protect her with your love - this should help.

And deep down in your soul, remember: you are first an individual and you have your own life. So first you are a wife, and only then a daughter. There is no need to focus attention on this, but we also shouldn’t forget. Or forget about personal happiness right away.

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The concert will take place on April 28 at the National Opera and Ballet Theater named after A. Maldybaev.

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President Jeenbekov met with the leaders of factions of the majority parliamentary coalition

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BRIBE-TAKERS' APPETITES GROW

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Have time to say thank you!

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Bolot Suyumbayev appointed chairman of the State Service for Economic Crimes

government chief of staff appointed

Minister of Justice of Kyrgyzstan appointed

dismissed from the post of Prosecutor General.

Rain and sharp cold weather are expected in Kyrgyzstan on April 16-20

Kyrgyzhydromet reports this.

SON-IN-SON RETURNED FROM HAJJ...

— Before turning to the muftiate, I read a lot. Collected information. It was interesting how things were going with our neighbors, brothers in the Muslim faith.

It turns out that in Uzbekistan a person is not sent on Hajj just like that. His desire alone is not enough. Guarantees are needed. Those who know him very well and can testify: he is truly worthy. He leads a righteous life, has not been seen in anything bad, and is involved in charity...

But here in Kyrgyzstan it turns out like this: if you want to call yourself a holy man, no problem!

With this, I went to the muftiate. How so, they say? Is it possible to make a pilgrimage to holy places and then immediately behave immorally, if not criminally?

— They answered something unintelligible. There are supposedly five fingers on one hand, and all are different. Likewise, they say, Muslims are not all alike, and this, they say, does not mean at all that some of them are better and some are worse. In general, a strange answer. Incomprehensible. Wrong. I don't agree with him.

Her husband stole it. Well, how did you steal it? She told me that she stole it, but I think it was all voluntary, with my daughter’s consent. Otherwise, she probably wouldn’t have started living with him and would have run away to her parents. We would have accepted her, and she knew it. Since she stayed with him, it means she apparently loved him.

His daughter is his second wife... Well, again, if we call marriage the cohabitation of a man and a woman without registration. He lived with the same woman for a long time and has three children together. Three! And then he saw the young beauty - and instantly went over to her. And I didn’t even remember the mother of my children.

We didn't know any of this at first. If I had known, I would never have allowed my daughter to become the wife of this dishonest man.

And if I knew a lot of other things... I reproach myself for doing the wrong thing when one day, soon after the wedding, my daughter came to us in tears at her parents’ house and said that she couldn’t and didn’t want to live with her husband. I should answer: “Of course, daughter, what are we talking about? Unbearable means drop everything and leave.” Instead, I began to explain to her that since she is now a husband’s wife, that means she must endure everything and obey her husband in everything.

“Nobody forced you to get married,” I told her. - I chose it myself. So don't complain now.

What have I achieved with this? Only that since then she stopped telling me anything and letting me in on her family secrets. And I found out about many things too late.

At first it turned out that he had three children and an abandoned partner. Then - that he considers himself a true Muslim and is categorically against his wife leaving the house without a hijab and “everyone staring at her.” Then it turned out that he had an elderly, seriously ill mother who needed to be looked after, including carrying her from place to place. Then this “Muslim” openly went on a spree...

His daughter caught him literally at the scene of the “crime.” Caught with another woman. Do you think he apologized or was at least embarrassed? Nothing like this. He said: “We had oral sex, this is not considered cheating.”

That’s when my daughter first wanted to leave him...

But I didn’t understand her.

And soon their first child was born.

- She also gave birth to children from him?! — I am sincerely amazed, listening to the story of this intelligent, gray-haired father. - And how many of them are there in total, children?

- Four. Add to them three children from his first marriage... It turns out to be a father of many children. Just God forbid anyone has such a father!

While the son-in-law did not consider himself a “saint,” there was still nothing. But as soon as he returned from the hajj, he lost his completely human appearance.

The grandmother, that is, the mother-in-law, oddly enough, sided with the daughter-in-law. She said that she was quite happy with her, and if something didn’t suit her son, let him go wherever he wanted and live however he wanted and with whoever he wanted. So for some time my daughter lived without a husband, but with her sick mother-in-law, whom she continued to care for. I strained myself while dragging my grandmother back and forth.

Then the husband returned. He asked for forgiveness. His daughter forgave him.

Now my daughter's mother-in-law is no longer alive. The eldest sons have grown up - one is fourteen, the other is thirteen. Both live with their father, who managed to turn them so against their own mother that they will probably never return to her.

We even agree with this. We agree to divide the children in half. Let the older ones be with their father, the younger ones with their mother, since this is how it happened... If only he would disappear from our lives forever.

- What are you talking about?! - I’m horrified. - How does it feel to separate children?! Shouldn't all four of them at least communicate with both mother and father, if none of them are deprived of parental rights?

- What should we do? You should have seen the text messages my daughter receives from her own sons! I cannot quote this abomination. The father convinced them that their mother was a wandering woman who ran away from home, abandoned them and did not deserve respect at all. And you can’t convince them anymore!

- Why is she walking?

- Because... Everyone judges for himself. My son-in-law had many mistresses the whole time he and my daughter lived. Once he even said that he intended to have a second wife. “Please,” replied the legal wife. - As you wish. Just divorce me first.”

He temporarily fell silent about his second wife, but did not stop informally “getting married.” He supposedly can, he’s a man. And a wife is not allowed to appear on the street with her face uncovered.

Calls me one day:

- Take your daughter, I won’t live with her.

- What's the matter? - I ask.

- But the fact is that she, it turns out, smokes.

How does he smoke, why does he smoke? Why did he decide that? It turns out that he found a box of matches in the purse of his wife, my daughter. And I didn’t even bother to figure out why it was and what it was for. He, they say, understands everything: he smokes! And for him, the true believer, she is, therefore, not a match.

Another time, her husband directly accused her of cheating. On what basis? On the grounds that she often talks on the phone with a young man - his own nephew.

His nephew, by the way, is a good guy. Knows what he wants from life and knows how to achieve it. Educated. My daughter also has a higher education. It was probably interesting for the relative to talk to the competent aunt on the phone.

And for some reason his own uncle decided that this was not without reason. That this is not just kindred, friendly communication (although they only talked on the phone). And my daughter became for him... If you knew with what words he insulted her! “Creature” is the softest. Mostly swearing.

And not only her. In the end, this man, if you can call him that, began to talk to me the same way. I give him my word - he is ten to me, my father-in-law. And all obscene.

In recent days, their relationship has become worse than ever. He insulted her. Humiliated. He even beat. And he covered it all up with his piety. He supposedly “raises” her this way, making her a true Muslim. This is how, they say, Allah commanded to treat wives...

Tell me, can a truly religious person behave like this? Was it possible to let him go on Hajj?

“If the muftiate didn’t answer this question for you,” I note, “what do you want from me?”

- Yes, that’s me. The question is rhetorical... By the way, more about the “wrong” Islam. Even before the divorce, he sent his older children to a madrasah. Actually, I also consider myself a Muslim. And I read prayer as it should be, and I try to live by faith. I ask my grandchildren: “So what’s it like in the madrasah? It’s good that you go there, but at least share what they teach you there?”

They answer that they don’t understand anything. In general, they can’t make out what they’re talking about. They feel that they are being told something very important and necessary, but they don’t understand what exactly. How can this be? Is this right? This is the real zombie. They, boys, can get anything into their heads, instill anything into their heads. Another two or three years - and ready-made martyrs?!

My son-in-law was divorcing his wife, my daughter, also “Muslim style,” as he probably thinks. He said that until she signed a waiver of all property claims at the notary, he would not give her a divorce. She was glad. I didn’t think about what I was doing or why. She wrote that she doesn’t need anything from him, that everything they acquired in marriage remains with her ex-husband, and she doesn’t claim either the house, or everything in the house, or alimony...

When I found out, I grabbed my head: “What have you done? You still have to raise children!” He took her to the same notary - “refusal to refuse” to write. Only it turned out to be too late: her ex-hubby managed to transfer all movable and immovable property to third parties in literally a day or two. He left her, naturally, with a broken trough.

This is how we live now. She no longer hopes to return her older sons. He only prays that they won’t be completely zombified, that they won’t be so brainwashed that they’ll go fight somewhere for “Islamic ideals.” The two youngest children are with her.

It's okay, we'll survive somehow. We will not die of hunger ourselves and we will raise and educate our children. I'm thinking about something else now. Something is fundamentally broken in our society, since this is possible in our society: some rogue goes to Mecca... And turns into a notorious scoundrel.

What to do if you don’t like your future son-in-law

Parents do not always approve of the choice of their children, trying to influence the final decision regarding the future chosen one or chosen one. How many jokes have been invented on the topic of “son-in-law” and “daughter-in-law”!

However, making fun of the problem is not enough; you need to come up with some kind of solution that will allow you to live in peace and not disturb others. What should women do who don’t like their daughter’s future husband?

It’s sad, but in many cases of unfulfilled personal lives and family breakdown, the parents of the main characters are to blame. Basically, they are the mothers of women and men experiencing a breakup with a loved one. The mother-in-law or mother-in-law pays considerable attention to the family microclimate of children, largely determining the future of their social unit. To be fair, it is worth adding that some mothers also contribute to the strengthening of a young family, subtly influencing the relationship between spouses. Let's rejoice in the wisdom of women and let's go think about what to do if we don't like our future son-in-law.

Future mother-in-law strategy

The first rule is not to interfere in your daughter’s personal life. Do not criticize her chosen one - this will turn your daughter against you and she will immediately take all subsequent words, even very reasonable ones, with hostility. Give advice only if she asks for it.

A common cause of dissatisfaction with a son-in-law is unjustified expectations. The woman raised her daughter, confident that she would have only the best, wanting her to receive what she herself once did not receive, although she really wanted it. That is, she evaluates her daughter’s happiness through the prism of her ideas about it. Needless to say, in most cases this leads to at least misunderstanding. A daughter is a different person, with her own value system, and if she fell in love with a man you don’t like, you need to realize that her ideas about happiness are different from yours. And one of the manifestations of your love for your daughter will be full acceptance of her right to views on life that are different from yours. And maintaining her choice. If she makes a mistake, it means she needs to learn some kind of life lesson; she will not understand its essence from your words, because you can only learn from your own experience.

Do not put your daughter before the choice “either me or him” - it is impossible to choose between a mother and a man, since these are different in importance (but not significance) people in her life.

We immediately need to abandon the idea of re-educating our son-in-law - they say, we will make a man out of him! This is a wrong path, which will lead to even greater hostility, and it will also become mutual, if it was not so before. The son-in-law will naturally resist the attempt to remake him in someone else’s, albeit very worthy, image and likeness. What can you do here? Just accept a real person as he is. And realize that he will be like that, moreover, that’s exactly how your daughter liked him, and liked him so much that she was going to marry him. If you do not understand something, this does not take away his right to life.

Don't criticize your daughter's man. If you really want to express the moments that concern you, do it, BUT! Without criticism, complaints and the desire to change and redo something, but with the intention of understanding and understanding. Ask your son-in-law and daughter questions, don’t interrupt them if you don’t like what they answer, just try to put yourself in their shoes.

Understand that the future son-in-law is an important man in your daughter’s life, it is with him that she sees her future and happiness in him. You, like any normal mother, want it for your daughter? Sometimes to do this you just need to step aside and give up active actions.

How to stop providing for a second family?

A woman is the keeper of the hearth and the protector of the family in all nations and at all times. The desire for prosperity and confidence in the future among representatives of the fair half cannot be called mercantile. Not needing money, providing an education and a good foundation for your children is a natural desire.

It’s quite difficult to look at a man who suffers from unfulfilled ambitions and plans. Especially if you love him and want only the best. If a streak of failures and career troubles befalls a husband or son, a woman can try to help him. “Household magic” will strengthen spiritual strength, give a special energy message and support at the level of prayer spells. It is not for nothing that they say that the person for whom they pray grows wings behind his back and the hand of the Lord remains over him in all his deeds.

Important to remember! When conducting ceremonies and rituals to strengthen the male spirit, do not forget about your mental balance. Support the breadwinner in all his endeavors, pray for him. Despite disagreements and quarrels in the family, always bless him before going to work by simply crossing him.

All rituals must be carried out with certain preparation. You cannot tell anyone that you are planning to make a strong conspiracy so that your son finds a good job. Even home magic requires discipline and observance of the sacrament.

Briefly about the rules

It is recommended to carry out a conspiracy for the husband to find a well-paid job at the very beginning of the work week.
It is advisable to read all conspiracies and rituals during the waxing moon. Otherwise, you may get the opposite result.
During the proofreading period, try to think positively.
You need to believe with all your heart and soul that good luck will come and fortune will smile on your family. No doubt is allowed.

Handkerchief plot for the success of your beloved

To carry out a ritual conspiracy, a woman will need a new white handkerchief (you can buy it the day before or take one that is already in the house). People say that this conspiracy was passed down to people from Vanga herself. Above the scarf you need to say the following words:

“I whisper and whisper. I'm telling a conspiracy. The servant of God (name of husband or son) will have good luck in all his paths and achievements in his work. Wherever he goes, he will find work everywhere. There is no word for him not to hear denials. 3 times Amen."

After reading the prayer over the scarf, put it in your husband’s pocket. This month he will be promoted to his desired position or offered a new job.

We ask the moon for help

On the new moon, buy a new wallet, which you then need to give to your husband. Place 3 banknotes of any denomination in your wallet. At night, when the moon has risen, stand by the window, press your wallet to your lips and say the following words:

“Let there always be money in your wallet, the servant of God (husband’s name) lives in abundance. Let him be valued and honored at work, I conjure him with God’s word, no one will unlock him. Amen!"

The following ritual can be done by the wife for the husband or by the husband himself. You need to put some change in your pocket, go out onto the porch of your house at exactly midnight and look at the new moon. Slowly cast the spell 3 times, going through the coins in your pocket. Spell text:

“Grow a month, grow up, and give God’s servant (name) work and money. Let it be so. Amen".

Plot for a desk chair

If you need to overcome one of the steps of the career ladder, then before sitting down at your workplace, you can say in a whisper:

“Your house, your roof, and I am higher!”

After a short time, the person will move to a more suitable position. The plot will be more effective if, for some time before this, the husband drinks holy water.

Helping our man

To carry out the ritual you will need a candle, a blank sheet of paper and a regular pencil. We write our cherished desire (“to help my husband find a job”, “so that my son will stop being unemployed”) on paper. Remember: the more specifically you describe the desired result, the more accurately it will come true.

Then you need to set the leaf on fire. At this time, we whisper what is written on it (we repeat the wish out loud). We collect the ashes and scatter them to the wind. It is advisable to spend it late at night during the waxing moon.

“In the morning I’ll get up and braid my hair. I will say a prayer to God and say to the Mother of God: Mother, don’t you know how much I love (my husband’s name) and wish only good things. Give me that scroll where everything about him is written. I will burn it and write again - who he is and that he has countless riches. Whatever work he desires, that is what is destined for him. Amen"

We read the plot over the candles

Mother’s prayers are the most powerful energy shields and blocks that protect a person from evil. The text is strong and you need to carry it out only with good thoughts and without getting angry with your child. Light a candle and read the words:

“Let my son, the servant of the Lord (son’s name), not hear refusal and renunciation. Not today and not tomorrow. Not on any day or year. Wherever his foot goes, everywhere there is praise and honor. Amen"

Ritual for a high-paying job: real experience

When the crisis began, my husband lost his job. He is an educated person and understands the business, but he is not very pushy. Very constrained. And he began to fade before our eyes, so worried about his unemployment. I am a believer and I’m afraid to get involved in rituals or deal with candles. Although my friend has long advised me one way. When things got really bad, I decided too.

For the ceremony, it was necessary to take a seedling and plant it. During boarding, think about nothing but the new job and the success of your son. So, I did. I carefully looked after the new tree and prayed near it. As soon as the tree became strong, the son brought the good news to the house. And everything went well for him. The stronger the tree became, the higher my husband's financial condition.

Help of prayer

Not every person feels the strength and ability to practice magic and use spells. In this case, you can simply pray, sending the necessary emotions. The chosen prayer must be read every day, directing all your thoughts to the only desire - for your husband to work and have a good income.

Prayer should always be read with faith in the heart, without extraneous thoughts and desires. It is necessary that no one interferes or distracts during the process. You need to pray quietly, without fuss and haste. This ritual needs to be repeated for several months. Sometimes, the result appears after a week, but it can take several months. Strengthen your spirit, believe in your man and wait for good news.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR SON-IN-SON WORK

"LONG LONG FOR INDEPENDENCE DAY...FAMILY!"

(Monthly "This is how we live", No. 5, 2013)

By definition, the one who takes on the bulk of the responsibility for the family is more responsible. Previously, traditionally it was always the husband. In the modern world, this is no longer necessary - a woman can be the “guarantor” of family independence. This is not important, since the world has changed even to the point that an absolutely normal European marriage can generally be represented by two men or two women. One can argue about the adequacy of such a world order, but this is not the question now, the question is RESPONSIBILITY, INDEPENDENCE AND INDEPENDENCE. Everything else is secondary or based on these three.

Question: " I have two adult children. My son and his family live separately, and my daughter, her husband and three-year-old daughter live with me. The daughter went to work, sending her daughter to kindergarten. My son-in-law doesn’t work anywhere. Sometimes he disappears in the evenings for some mysterious “work”, bringing in insignificant amounts. I am very afraid that these earnings are illegal. He’s not even looking for a decent job, it’s already not worthy of him, although he doesn’t have any education). In a word, the young family lives at my expense. All my hints and conversations about how it’s time to find a job remain unanswered. I don’t know how to force my son-in-law to find a job without quarreling with my daughter. She stands up for him like a mountain, and feeds me with promises of his soon employment... What should I do? I'm desperate».

Answer I.Yu.:

As usual, I will immediately begin to cling to words. So, you write, “I have two adult children.” In fact, this is not so.. Adult - maximum one. Someone who lives SEPARATELY with HIS family. Do you understand? SEPARATELY – i.e. independently and independently. With YOUR family – i.e. with the family for which he is responsible. Separateness does not, of course, simply mean territorial separation. SEPARATION is the ability for a full-fledged INDEPENDENT INDEPENDENT existence. When a child’s umbilical cord is cut after childbirth and he begins to breathe on his own - that’s it - he is no longer a fetus, not an embryo, but an INDEPENDENT living organism, INDEPENDENT of the mother’s body - a person. This autonomy and independence, of course, is not yet complete; as they grow older, they will develop and improve. But a fact is a fact - there was a mother and a fetus, now there are a mother and a second person. “Separated”, “separated”, “broke away”, “separated” - say whatever you like - it doesn’t matter, what’s important is that INDEPENDENCE has triumphed. What holiday does ANY DEVELOPED state have? That's right - INDEPENDENCE DAY. Which states do not have such a day? Among the colonial, undeveloped, puppet ones - i.e. DEPENDENT on some other INDEPENDENT states. Why is independence a holiday? Because independence is maturity, an indicator of development, progress, a factor of stability, confidence, and finally, a criterion of high self-esteem and even national pride. Dependence, subordination are an indicator of colonial decline, infantilism, weakness, lack of basic self-identity - even the official language of communication and the flag of a dependent state is foreign, NOT OWN.

You end your letter by saying that you are in despair. - "What to do"?" It turns out everything is simple. Do you need, in turn, to answer my question? What should someone who has fish do? To be or not to be? To feed or not to feed?

Just don’t think that I’m persuading you to take any course of action in relation to your daughter’s family. I told a parable. I didn’t even tell it for you so much as I used your case to illustrate the parable to ANY of the readers. I’m certainly not going to “feed you fish.” A person HIMSELF makes a specific choice in a specific life situation. INDEPENDENTLY, INDEPENDENTLY, RESPONSIBLY. In this case, only one thing is required of me - that you find a “fishing rod” in what you read.

Getting your husband to work, or even starting to look for a job, is not easy. Sometimes you have to face a situation where it is simply impossible to force your son to work, and husbands sit on their wives’ necks, don’t work, and don’t do household chores. In general, there seems to be no problem with work, but for unknown reasons, husbands sit at home with their eyes glued to the TV or computer, and don’t even try to get a job.

What is this, laziness or just the guys getting cold feet? Getting used to work is difficult, but getting used to rest is as easy as shelling pears.

Salary meter and advice on salary increases

Every person periodically finds himself in a state where work “doesn’t go well” at all. Talkative colleagues, free access to social networks, and trips to the coffee machine every half hour also contribute to this mood. But the work still continues to stand still. By the way, such a lazy mood can catch you not only at work, but also at home. And so you sit and realize that the apartment is dirty, you eat dumplings instead of a healthy dinner, staring at the TV monitor.

Even if you always keep your workspace clean, by the end of the day all sorts of rubbish appears on it - documents, papers, pens, cups of coffee and half-eaten candy.

Son-in-law doesn't work, daughter is pregnant

Then it turned out that I wasn’t looking for it. The daughter cries, but loves. Scandal after scandal. I threatened to kick him out. Settled. All this time they tried not to interfere in the lives of the young people and even vacated their apartment in Moscow and moved with their parents to live in the country. Worked for 4 months. Kicked out. And again he hasn’t worked for 3 months, he’s looking. No money left. The daughter works and studies. It turns out to be a very unpleasant situation: he lives on everything ready, does not work, uses his daughter’s car.

How to get your son-in-law to work

My daughter studies at the institute. He can’t work full-time yet, but he does a little extra work from time to time. And my son-in-law is 35 years old. It hasn't worked for a year now. At the same time, I can’t call him lazy; he seemed to be trying to find a job. But after a while he left everywhere; Either he doesn’t like the job, then he gets too tired, or he’s away. Now I found a job in a real estate agency and again - constantly at home. “Why should I sit in the office, I can do it from home.”

How to make your husband earn money?

Since ancient times, it was believed that a man is a breadwinner and breadwinner, whose responsibilities include providing for his wife and children. In our times, a lot has changed: now most women work and also contribute to the maintenance of the family. And there are also cases when the husband does not want to work, and the main financial burden falls on the shoulders of the wife, along with the function of running a household.

Of course, not all modern men earn enough to be able to fully support their family, and no one is immune from unemployment.

How to make an employee work quickly?

Hello, Arina Yurievna! I would be grateful if you could give me advice in the following situation. I head the legal department of one of the largest institutions in our city. There is an employee in our department who is only 29 years old, but people usually say about people like him: “He falls asleep on the go.” He is a very slow, uninitiative person. If he were simply slow, but at the same time completed the assigned tasks efficiently and on time, then one could come to terms with the slowness, since it would be compensated by the high quality of work.

How to make your mother-in-law love your son-in-law)?

1 answer. Moscow Viewed 993 times. Asked 2012-01-17 12:20:59 +0400 in the topic “Other questions” Can you please tell me a sample application on how to discharge a former son-in-law? - Please tell me a sample application on how to discharge a former son-in-law. Further

1 answer. Moscow Viewed 381 times. Asked 2012-04-27 15:24:28 +0400 in the topic “Other questions” How to discharge a former son-in-law from a privatized apartment - How to discharge a former son-in-law from a privatized apartment.

How to find a compromise between son-in-law and mother-in-law?

Having heard the phrase spoken by a friend on the phone to my daughter: “Daughter, you’ve already tortured yourself and tortured us, it’s better to get a divorce,” I was very surprised to what extent the relationship between a son-in-law and mother-in-law must be bad in order to advise a daughter with a one-year-old child to cut it off relationship with her husband, whom she married two years ago out of great love. Men's assertions that the ideal mother-in-law is the one who lives a couple of thousand kilometers away from you and comes to visit once a year and leaves every other day, often turns out to be wrong.

In real life, it is usually those mothers who are left alone who feel unwanted and abandoned.