Belt as a way of education. Novosibirsk and Novosibirsk region: latest news, objective analysis, current comments Only in exceptional cases
According to 8% of Russians, a belt is a necessary way of raising children, and 58% of our compatriots consider physical force for educational purposes justified only in exceptional cases. It is interesting that this opinion is unanimously shared by both residents of the Russian Federation who have and those who do not have children. But among men there are much more categorical supporters of assault: 11% of men and only 5% of women said that a belt is a “necessary method of education.”
About a third (34%) of Russians consider physical punishment of children unacceptable in principle.
Total sample size: 1800 respondents.
Customer: radio station "Police Wave".
Study population: economically active population of Russia aged 18 years and older.
Question: Do you think methods of physical coercion (slap, slap, belt) are acceptable as a way of raising children?
The respondents' answers were distributed as follows:
Respondents' comments:
Yes, this is a necessary method of education.
“That’s how my parents raised me. It turned out quite well."
“I don’t think there are many parents who have never punished their children. I'm not saying you need to beat yourself to death, but in some cases you need to be tough. If, contrary to suggestions, he puts a carnation into a socket or climbs under the wheels of a moving car, he will get it in the butt.”
“The child must understand that there will be punishment for an offense, and not just talk - physical punishment should be more offensive than painful.”
Only in exceptional cases
“My child is a real little devil, and this is not even because of indulgences in upbringing, just genes. Sometimes a good spank is the only way to influence.”
“Our children have become so painfully susceptible, so first of all we need to act with persuasion and persuasion, but it is in exceptional cases that “one blow replaces 100 hours of political work.”
“Theoretically, I am against physical punishment, but in practice... sometimes my nerves can’t stand it. I can say, as a mother of two children, that each child is born with his own character and he himself suggests which methods are best suited for his upbringing. From birth, the eldest son responds to shouting, spanking, and punishment with even greater whims, protests, insults, and even worse behavior. Since he began to understand human speech well, the most basic method of influencing him was persuasion, explanation, and persuasion. And sometimes you can’t stop the younger one with anything other than a spank...”
“This is not a method! Unfortunately, words don't always work. And if your nerves give way... therefore, “unpopular” measures are used.”
No, I consider corporal punishment unacceptable in principle.
“I’ve been beaten since childhood, a lot: it hurts and it doesn’t hurt, in every way. Especially during the school period. Mom demanded a lot from me. This does not help mutual understanding. It hardens. It's horrible. It doesn't give anything. It didn't make me any better, it didn't make me any worse. When my younger brother was born, he got it too - both from my mother and from me. I'm so sorry I was aggressive and intolerant. I just didn’t have any other model of behavior before my eyes. I responded with the same answer that I managed to receive. Thank God, in my adult life this passed me by..."
“Children are our reflection. If you don’t like the way you look today, you don’t break the mirror, do you?”
“For some reason, when talking with adults, we don’t use the belt as an argument, no matter how stupid they are, but we initially put children in a dependent position, immediately showing that they have no right to have their own opinion? What kind of personality will grow in this case?”
“The most valuable thing in life is personal freedom. Any violence is unacceptable, because... The child is small, but a personality! And everything that is laid in childhood shapes an adult! And... beloved children should be spoiled!”
“A Man was born! From the first day of birth you need to be equal to him. Yes - it is a great job to raise your child as a person worthy of being one. You need to be tolerant of him at any age, convincing him of something only with your good example, tact and word.”
“Corporal punishment is carried out, as a rule, by people with insufficient intelligence - or people with pathological psychoses... which, in principle, is the same thing.”
Blog embed code
Belt as a way of education
Marina Gordeeva recalled the areas in which work is being done with the fund’s partners in the regions. This is the prevention of family dysfunction and social orphanhood of children, the restoration of a family environment favorable for raising a child, the family placement of orphans and children left without parental care. This is social support for families with disabled children to ensure the maximum possible development of such children. This is the social rehabilitation of children who have committed offenses and crimes, the prevention of neglect and juvenile delinquency. The Foundation is trying to reorient the activities of the regions and move from eliminating consequences to preventing difficult life situations among Russian children. The experience of the regions, in particular the Tomsk region, shows that this approach can significantly reduce the number of children left without parental care. Among the new technologies that are being introduced in the regions, Marina Vladimirovna named the following: case management, home assistants and individual tutors, support for families and selection by specialists of correction methods at all stages of trouble, social district service, psychological assistance service in registry offices in order to prevent divorces and other.
“One of the most successful practices in the area of preventing social orphanhood is being implemented in the Tomsk region,” said Gordeeva. — The Siberian Federal District has the highest proportion of orphans in the total number of children in Russia—4.13 percent. In the Tomsk region this figure is now at 2.98 percent. Before the start of the implementation of the “Children’s Right to a Family” program in 2008, it was 3.42 percent. This is already a noticeable trend. Progress is happening because the Department of Family and Children Affairs has built very effective work in the region. In 2009, a new specialization for social workers appeared here - “case manager”. The main task of the curator is to prevent family troubles and provide timely assistance to the family. By involving the family in the rehabilitation process, the curator, together with the family, finds a way out of a difficult life situation. By the beginning of 2010, 920 families were in their area of attention. Of these, 443 are at an early stage of a family crisis. (We became acquainted with how case curators work and even with some families who have such curators at the Tomsk social rehabilitation center “Luch”. In total, there are 115 case curators in the region, employing 150 people.)
Separately, Marina Gordeeva focused on the problem of child abuse.
Today, she admitted, no department has the complete picture. As Moscow experts later complained, each one keeps its own statistics, the numbers vary, are duplicated in some places, and it is almost impossible to compare the data with each other. However, the fact that the number of crimes against children and adolescents goes beyond all conceivable limits is beyond doubt.
By the way, the most common (35,381 people in 2008) crime against children - malicious evasion of child support - is not formally related to child abuse. But in essence that is exactly what it is. According to Gordeeva, the scale of the disaster is underestimated, because the figures that are being made public are terrifying, but they are only the tip of the iceberg. While extreme forms of violence involving deaths are the subject of outrage, domestic violence is widespread. A study commissioned by the Institute of Sociology of the Russian Academy of Sciences noted: corporal punishment is perceived by a significant part of the population as the norm, 52 percent of parents use physical punishment.
To change the situation, the foundation, together with the Ministry of Health and Social Development and the constituent entities of the Russian Federation, was tasked with conducting a nationwide information campaign against child abuse in 2010.
“Her primary task,” Marina Gordeeva recalled, “is to promote the formation of an intolerant attitude towards violence in society.” Early identification of cases of abuse is necessary. You can't take things to extremes. Do not find "Mowgli" who were raised in a doghouse. This, of course, is a few, but this is nonsense! And if a problem occurs, then people should know the possibilities of resolving the problem with the help of appropriate services. These can take different forms - from helplines to children's rights ombudsmen. It is important to overcome the indifference of adults - neighbors, teachers, specialists working with children, so that they also perceive messages about trouble. It is necessary to understand the situation as early as possible and help the family. It is even more economically profitable to invest in preventive measures than to later take the child from the family to government institutions. As part of the campaign, the foundation is holding a series of events. In March, the charity marathon “Childhood without Cruelty and Tears” started, which we conduct jointly with the Association of the Children's Products Industry. The first event made it possible to provide toys for children from the Vityaz social rehabilitation center in the Kaluga region. In May, children's goods were received by institutions in St. Petersburg, and on June 1 - in the Ulyanovsk region. At the end of the year, children's goods will be delivered to 37 social institutions from 18 regions.
On May 25, the Public Chamber hosted a presentation of the movement “Russia - without cruelty to children” and the Internet portal for parents “I am a parent” (www.ya-roditel.ru). President Dmitry Medvedev was the first to join the movement. Every interested citizen, organization, corporation, municipality and even an entire region can follow his example and report it on the “I am a Parent” portal. Joining the movement is supported by specific actions. In June, television began showing the video “The First Spank” - about how the spank that an obstetrician gives for a child to start breathing should be the first and the last.
In July we held the campaign “Belt is not a method of education.” Famous athletes, TV presenters, and pop stars donated their belts as a sign of support for the movement “Russia - no cruelty to children!” A special chest contains the belts of Daniil Spivakovsky, Yegor Konchalovsky, Igor Vernik, Yuri Nikolaev, Oleg Gazmanov, Alexander Oleshko, Svetlana Masterkova and others. From these belts, the designer will create an unusual art object, which will be given to the winner of the city competition.
The All-Russian Children's Forum “Children Against Cruelty and Violence” was held at the Orlyonok camp, the result of which was an open appeal from children to all adults about the inadmissibility of the use of cruelty. 2,443 children signed the appeal.
Elena KVASNIKOVA,
Tomsk—Novosibirsk.
The role of parents in a person's life is great. From them the child receives initial knowledge about the world and first life experience. Parents are involved in raising children, but it is not possible without punishment and encouragement. There is a stereotype that physical punishment is the most effective way to influence children. However, as a rule, such punishment humiliates the child, convinces him of his own powerlessness before his elders, and gives rise to cowardice and embitterment. Try to establish psychological contact with children in order to influence them without using force. I will be glad if my advice on how to do this will help you.
What parents should remember when punishing a child:
- The child must be sure that the punishment is fair, that he is still loved, and even being punished, he is not left without parental love.
- Children should not be deprived of satisfaction of their biological and physiological needs (they cannot be punished by deprivation of food and sleep).
- The child must be informed about what offenses will be punished and in what form.
- Punishment for children should be temporary (“you will lose the opportunity to play on the computer for three days”).
- When punishing children, you should avoid insults and labeling.
For example, you shouldn’t call a child incompetent, a bungler, or tell him: “everything always falls out of your hands,” “Why are you standing like an idol,” etc. Only the behavior or specific act of the child is considered, and not his personality.
- When punishing children, remembering previous offenses is excluded. You only talk to them about why he is being punished right now
- Punishment of children should be consistent, and not from case to case.
Why can't you hit a child?
When you hit a child, you are setting an example that the child will follow as he grows older. Almost all of the worst criminals were regularly subjected to threats and physical punishment during childhood. It is the responsibility of parents to set an example of wisdom and compassion for their children.
In most cases of so-called "misbehavior," the child acts the only way he can in response to his needs being ignored. Such needs include, for example, adequate sleep and nutrition, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But most of all, the child needs the close attention of his parents. CURRENTLY, FEW CHILDREN ARE GIVEN ENOUGH TIME AND ATTENTION BY PARENTS. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long term, but also unfair.
PUNISHMENT DOES NOT GIVE A CHILD THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN TO RESOLUTE CONFLICTS IN AN EFFECTIVE AND HUMANE WAY. A punished child becomes fixated on feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge. Consequently, a punished child will not be able to learn much of what is needed to manage and prevent similar situations in the future.
Physical punishment breaks the attachment that exists between parents and child, since a person cannot love someone who hurts him. The true spirit of cooperation and mutual understanding that all parents strive for can only arise when there is an attachment between people based on mutual feelings of love and respect.
PUNISHMENT EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS TO HAVE RESULTS, CAN ONLY ATTRACT SUPERFICIAL BEHAVIOR, BASED ON FEAR AND HAVING POWER ONLY UNTIL THE CHILD HAS GROWN UP AND IS ABLE TO CONSIST IT. In contrast, a partnership based on respect can last forever, leading to many years of mutual happiness as parents and child grow older.
WHAT ARE THERE METHODS OF EDUCATION WITHOUT FORCE?
Method of conversation or persuasion. This method can be used in raising children of different ages and with any character. During the conversation, the parent explains and argues how to behave in a given situation, and finds out the motives for the child’s behavior. The tone of the parent’s speech when talking should be calm, confident, and firm. Even one-year-old babies who cannot answer listen carefully to their parents, reacting to intonation.
The time-out method is when the baby is left alone for a while, forbidden to do anything and without communicating with him. In families where the time-out punishment is widely used, as a rule, there is a specially designated place where the baby is left for a while, it can be a chair, a bench, a corner; once in this place, the child begins to understand that he has done a bad deed and punished for this.
The penalty may be a fine. For a bad deed, you can take away one of the baby’s toys, you can prohibit watching cartoons or films, or reduce play time. DO NOT USE ACTIONS THAT A CHILD SHOULD PERFORM WITH PLEASURE AS A PENALTY. For example, make him read or write, clean the room, wash the dishes. This will lead to the child perceiving these actions as extremely unpleasant and avoiding performing these processes. A FINE CAN BE DEprivation of SWEET OR OTHER TASTIES (but not food) If a child has done something necessary and good, he should always be praised, expressed his gratitude, this could be a smile, a kiss, a hug, pleasant words “You’re smart, well done, that’s right.” “doing” or another action that causes pleasant sensations and positive emotions in the baby. For example, a child washed the dishes, praise immediately after the process is reinforcement, and a promise to go to the park with him is a reward.
Method "1-2-3". An effective parenting method in situations where it is necessary to immediately stop a child’s bad behavior. The method consists in the fact that the parent makes a remark to the child about his behavior and begins to count to three; if at the end of the count the child does not stop behaving badly, punishment follows. The method is used with children over two years of age. By counting to three and making intervals between numbers of several seconds (4-6 seconds), the parent gives the child a chance to come to his senses, change his behavior and get out of the situation without punishment. If the child does not respond to the adult’s comments and continues to misbehave after the count of “3,” the punishment must be carried out. When using this method, parents need to remain calm and not lose self-confidence, the score must be clear, the voice must be confident, if the child understands that the parent is “on edge,” then he can continue his actions, in the hope that he will be able to achieve his goal.
Don't forget: children are for parents, and a belt is for trousers!
Having children is, of course, happiness, but, unfortunately, not cloudless. An obedient, impeccable child is more like a robot. A real, living little man will more than once upset his parents with his actions, and punishment will certainly follow. But what should it be like, what can and cannot be punished for?
Seven rules for everyone
Punishment should not harm health - neither physical nor
mental. Moreover, PUNISHMENT SHOULD BE USEFUL. However, the punisher FORGETS TO THINK...
If in doubt whether to punish or not to punish, DO NOT punish. Even if they have already realized that they are usually too soft, trusting and not decisive. No “prevention”, no punishment “just in case”!
One thing at a time. Even if an immense number of offenses are committed at once, the punishment can be severe, but only one, for all at once, and not one for each. Punishment salad is not a dish for a child's soul!
PUNISHMENT IS NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF LOVE. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, DO NOT DEPRIVE YOUR CHILD THE PRAISE AND REWARDS YOU DESERVE.
NEVER take away what you or anyone else has given you - NEVER!
Only punishments can be cancelled. Even if he misbehaved in such a way that it couldn’t be worse, even if he just raised his hand against you, but today he helped the sick, defended the weak...
DO NOT MISTAKE YOUR CHILD TO BE DIFFERENT.
Statute of limitations. It is better not to punish than to punish belatedly. Some overly consistent educators scold and punish children for offenses discovered a month or even a year later (they ruined something, stole something), forgetting that even harsh adult laws take into account the statute of limitations for the offense.
It is necessary to leave and forgive.
Belated punishments INTRODUCES the past to the child and prevents him from becoming different.
Punished - forgiven. The incident is over. The page is turned. As if nothing had happened. Not a word about old sins. Don't stop me from starting your life over!
No humiliation. Whatever it is, whatever the guilt, punishment should not be perceived by the child as a triumph of our strength over his weakness, as humiliation. If a child believes that we are unfair, punishment will only work in the opposite direction!
A child should not be afraid of punishment. He should not be afraid of punishment, but of our chagrin. Although a child, not being perfect, cannot help but upset those who love him. He cannot live in constant fear of causing grief. He defends himself against this fear.
When not to scold
YOU CANNOT PUNISH OR SCORE:
when a child is sick, experiences some kind of ailment, or has not yet fully recovered from an illness, the psyche is especially vulnerable, reactions are unpredictable;
when he eats; After sleep; before bedtime; during the game; during work;
immediately after a physical or mental injury (a fall, a fight, an accident, a bad grade, any failure, even if only he himself is to blame for this failure) - you need to at least wait until the acute pain subsides (this does not mean that you need to certainly rush to console);
when you can’t cope: with fear, with inattention, with laziness, with mobility, with irritability, with any shortcoming, making sincere efforts; when he shows inability, stupidity, awkwardness, stupidity, inexperience - in all cases when something DOES NOT WORK out;
when the internal motives of an action, the most trifling or the most terrible, are incomprehensible to us;
when we ourselves are not ourselves; when you are tired, upset or irritated for some reason.
Remember suggestibility
Here is one of the most common, most ridiculous mistakes. By scolding a child, that is, more than decisively and convincingly asserting that he (she) is: a lazy person, a coward, a stupid person, an idiot, a scoundrel, a monster, a scoundrel, then we inspire all this - the child BELIEVES.
Words for a child mean only what they mean. Every statement is perceived unambiguously: no figurative meaning. The adult game “Understand it the other way around” is not immediately absorbed, and the subconscious never assimilates it. By assessing, we instill self-esteem.
nothing will ever come of you! you're incorrigible! abnormal!
the real traitor!
you have only one road (to prison, under the fence, to the panel, to the hospital, to hell), then don’t be surprised if this turns out to be the case. This is a real DIRECT Suggestion, and it works.
Therefore, when punishing your children, first of all, think: WHY?
 did not produce the desired effect in reducing the number of orphans. Today there is an understanding of what we need. Firstly, preserving the blood family for the child and preventing parents from abandoning their children. Secondly, the introduction into practice of new social technologies aimed at preventing family troubles. It sounds a little dry, but we understand: effective technologies are needed not only in the economy and production, but also in the social sphere. Our approaches have been focused on ill-being, it is time to shift the focus to prevention. It's easy to say. But if we look at how everything happens in life, we will see that everything is tailored to a neglected case. And specialists must understand that they will in no way replace a child’s parents. They are only to help the family, to support. The third priority is the placement of children left without parental care in foster families and their professional support.</p><p><img src='https://i2.wp.com/xn--b1aecnthebc1acj.xn--p1ai/uploads/files/flib/1375722024/2484.jpg' align=){kind=link}