Pregnant wife: how to behave for your husband. Memo to men during their wife's pregnancy What is a pregnant woman for a man

Pregnancy is a wonderful, but very exciting time, both for the expectant mother and for her husband, and, as practice shows, men experience this period much more difficult than women. What worries future fathers and how to behave correctly with your pregnant lovers , we will tell you today.

In the body of a pregnant woman major changes are taking place , and this absolutely normal natural process . It is only natural for women, but men should prepare as much as possible for this period, at least theoretically, so that understand what will happen to the wife during these nine months and how to behave in a particular situation that arises.

Our advice will help your husband survive pregnancy, this wonderful and memorable period of time.

Emotions

One of the most common problems in communicating with a pregnant wife is the speed with which she mood may change . Women are not always distinguished by emotional stability, and during pregnancy a man should be prepared for the fact that literally just a very cheerful and sweet wife, suddenly, after a few minutes, becomes irritated and nervous, and may even cry.

It's hard for a man to understand why such dramatic changes in mood can occur, because there was no specific reason for this: you didn’t swear, your wife didn’t express dissatisfaction for any reason, she didn’t have any pain. What happened, the man thinks, maybe I’m to blame for something? Don't worry, you have absolutely nothing to do with it. It's all to blame hormonal background , which changes very quickly in pregnant women, and it is impossible to establish an algorithm for such jumps.

The best and only correct tactic in this case: calmness , restraint And understanding . Hug your wife, reassure her, tell her that you understand everything, ask how you can help, offer some kind of distracting activity. If you wish, you can ask your wife what caused such a sudden change in mood, but sometimes she herself will not be able to answer this question for you, since this is determined by the internal reactions of the body.

However, remember that pregnancy absolutely does not mean that literally before your eyes your wife will turn into a capricious hysteric; some women and girls behave as always, calmly, habitually, and not subject to any special changes in mood .

The course of pregnancy and all the accompanying factors, both psychological and physiological, are absolutely individual and we're just trying to prepare you for what difficulties in communication with a beloved pregnant woman may arise , but it is not at all necessary that they definitely will accompany you throughout the entire 9 months, making your family life unbearable. Believe me, everything will be fine!

Daria Selivanova, psychologist, psychotherapist: “In order for the expectant mother to have fewer mood swings, she must have a wide circle of friends and interests. A pregnant woman’s world should not be confined to the four walls of an apartment, where the only source of outside peace is her husband. In this case, every careless word of the spouse will be perceived by the pregnant woman as a “sentence,” and a refusal to tell you about how his day went will be a clear fact that he no longer loves you. Relax, pregnancy is a wonderful condition that allows a woman to see herself in a new way, and not only the woman’s immediate mood, but also the condition of the unborn baby depends on how positive it is. If pregnancy is easy, go to work; if there are no signs of toxicosis, meet your friends in a cafe, and discuss the size of diapers and features of lactation with similarly pregnant mothers, or those who have already given birth, and therefore much more experienced, on forums, if there is no opportunity to communicate live with them. Many women during pregnancy begin to engage in creative activities, for example, knitting or sewing for the unborn baby; wool felting, beading, ribbon embroidery would be an excellent activity, and maybe you will discover the talent of a painter or interior designer. The main thing is that your activity distracts you from gloomy thoughts and allows you to feel important.”

Nutrition

You are lucky, and you are one of those lucky ones whose wives surprise with their gastronomic whims , wanting either an orange or a salted tomato? Believe me, the pregnant woman is not mocking you, she’s just As pregnancy progresses, a woman's metabolic processes are disrupted , and the need for certain products can, just as quickly appear, disappear just as quickly.

The woman understands the strangeness of her behavior, but, unfortunately, she cannot do anything about it. Try satisfy taste preferences as much as possible your wife and remember that most often it will be more important for her not to receive this or that dish, fruit or vegetable, but simply to know that you are sympathetic to her wishes and condition .

Vladislav, one of the loving husbands, whose wife was in an “interesting situation,” says: “While pregnant, Lenka often called me at work and asked me to buy something specific on the way home: sometimes she really wanted green apples, although she didn’t like them in her life, sometimes she demanded persimmons, or even sunflower seeds. I obediently brought all the ordered products home, although sometimes Lenka didn’t even remember that she asked me to buy it. We laughed together, I “trolled” her forgetfulness, traditionally offered pickles, which my mother gave to Lenka from the dacha, and she, by the way, did not eat a single one during her entire pregnancy, and we solemnly ate all the food I brought together. We often remember this period at home with a smile; our baby is already two years old, but nothing has been forgotten. I recently got into a conversation with a work colleague, and he says that his wife didn’t have such “jokes” during pregnancy, she never wanted anything special and generally ate poorly during her entire pregnancy. It’s even somehow strange, but I thought that this happens to all pregnant women, because they even write jokes on this topic!”

Appearance

During pregnancy, every woman pays great attention to his appearance , and is often completely unhappy with what she sees in the mirror. It may seem to your beloved that she has become fat and ugly, and because of her appearance, her husband no longer likes her.

Support for men during this period very important for any woman : the spouse needs to repeat the words daily about how pregnancy makes a wife look , How he loves her like that and in every possible way show your love to his wife and future baby.

An excellent way to demonstrate and prove your love to your wife one extra time (and during pregnancy, almost obligatory) is small surprises and nice gifts. A light dinner prepared by your own hands, a CD with your favorite music or a ticket to a good movie, not to mention traditional flowers and sweets, will not require serious financial investments from your husband, but will help your wife relax, forget about her doubts and realize that she is also loved , like before.

Another favorite pastime of all women which will help in the fight against bad mood and self-doubt - shopping . Sometimes a pregnant wife refuses to buy beautiful things, citing the fact that there is no need to spend money on clothes that will be worn for a maximum of six months. Convince your beloved that this is absolutely not worth doing, and go to a specialized store for pregnant women to buy your wife beautiful, high-quality, natural and comfortable clothes. Seeing herself in the mirror, the expectant mother will certainly feel beautiful, and if she buys a couple more new clothes for her future baby, she will feel absolutely happy!

If your wife develops any problems due to pregnancy food restrictions , it will be great if this is her husband will support , also abstaining from the usual diet. Fried, fatty, spicy, salty and preservatives should not be consumed by any person, regardless of gender or pregnancy, you won’t argue with that, will you? This is exactly what is called proper nutrition, thanks to which you not only support your spouse , and you can also improve your digestion and lose excess weight. Believe me, your wife will appreciate your heroism!

Hello, dear readers! It is impossible to prepare for your first pregnancy. Even if you have been waiting for this good news for a long time, the news that in 9 months you will have a child is always sudden, spontaneous and unexpected. It puts you in an incomprehensible state; a man, like a woman, does not know how to behave and what to do next.

The wife is pregnant, what should her husband do? This is exactly what we will discuss in today’s article. You will learn how to behave with a woman, how to avoid troubles, cope with hormonal surges and live safely through this difficult moment, maintaining balance and spiritual harmony.

Now everything primarily depends on the man, so these 5 minutes that you spend reading will not be in vain.

Accept her for who she is

The first thing you need to remember is that now is not the best time to sort things out. If before pregnancy you were not happy with something about your woman, try to close your eyes to it or break up completely. Weigh the pros and cons. It’s better to be calm, but apart, than to worry together.

Now she most of all needs the support of her husband and his participation. Find out about her visits to the doctor, ask if she was cold during a walk, if she was tired from going to the movies with friends, and so on. You do a small thing, but for her it is a big deal.

You may not. This is beneficial for you too. You are probably familiar with cases when a wife sends her husband to the store at three in the morning to buy strawberries. This seems to be normal practice. Indeed, some girls have an urgent need for certain products.

However, if you do not show care and attention, then the physical need can also be combined with a psychological one: “She doesn’t so much need fried potatoes at five in the morning as the feeling that her husband loves her and is therefore ready to rush to the ends of the world for the sake of what is important for the baby.” vitamins."

The more “little niceties” you do for your wife, the more she will strive to behave exemplary and not throw scandals at you.

Go for an ultrasound

Be sure to go for an ultrasound if you have the opportunity. This, again, is more beneficial for you. After some time, the man gets very tired, the woman loses her mind, but nothing seems to happen, the girl just gets bigger.

Seeing your own child, you will understand why you are actually “suffering.” These are unforgettable emotions that will give you strength, energy and, most importantly, patience.

After the second or third ultrasound, when the baby is already clearly visible, the outlines will become clear, you will have no questions left about what a man should do when a woman is pregnant. Everything will become obvious. You yourself will want to accomplish feats and love your one and only.

I can also recommend you a book "Super Dad" by Viktor Kuznetsov. It describes in detail what needs to be done during the 9 months and first years of the baby’s life. If you strive to become an excellent father, the book will be a great help in your endeavors, and the woman will be pleased that you bought it, even if you didn’t finish it.

With this I say goodbye to you, see you again and don’t forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

"My wife is pregnant. Duration – 9 weeks. She used to be a normal person, calm and balanced. She was almost always in a good mood, and if something upset her, she did not lose heart for a long time. But the wife has been replaced for several weeks now. He constantly cries, then laughs uncontrollably, then shouts at me, then apologizes, but cries again.

At least don't turn on the TV now! If he sees an advertisement for diapers or baby food, then tears begin to flow. I asked: “What happened?”, and she said: “He’s so good-looking!” No, the kids, of course, are shown as cute. But not enough to cry over them! Or these are militants. I love them very much, and we used to watch them often together. And now: “Don’t turn it on, there are only murders!” And what should I do now, just watch melodramas? With melodramas, too, by the way, there are only tears. In the literal sense of the word. Either he gets upset for the heroes, then again he cries with emotion. And if I turn on the news (you have to know what’s going on in the world!), she now immediately leaves the room. There was recently a show about a plane crash, I cried my eyes out, and now I try not to watch the news at all.

A few days ago I started asking if I loved her. I thought it was obvious. I care about her. And here: “Tell me that you love me...”, “No, you didn’t say it that way...”, “You only said it because I asked...”. I already felt trapped: whatever you say could be used against me. In general, the conversation about love did not work out, she was offended.

He gets offended by me almost every day. Literally every little thing. The other day I forgot to buy milk - disassembly (“you don’t care”). Last night I didn’t immediately go wash the dishes – notation. Somehow he looked in the wrong direction towards her mother - almost execution. And sometimes you have so much fun that you think: is everything okay with the person? He can laugh until he bursts into tears... Well, there are tears again.

In general, now I have more questions than answers. And most importantly, will she become the same? Or will we now have to live like this with constant whims, grievances and claims?” Vladimir, 25 years old.

Future mom

When a woman becomes pregnant, she changes. She may not even know that the test will show “two lines,” but the program of changes in her body has already been launched. Her mother or friend may ask half-jokingly: “Are you, by any chance, in a position?” And an attentive husband may notice “something is wrong.” What is it that betrays an expectant mother who is unaware of her new status? As a rule, this is just increased emotionality.

But now the news about the future baby has been received, the first emotions about this have subsided. Future parents begin to get used to the new situation. A man needs to be patient: the first trimester is a very difficult time - a time of unstable emotions. How does this manifest itself?

A woman reacts to everything much more sharply. What she might not have “noticed” before now causes her irritation or resentment.

All emotions seem to be “on the brink”: if she cries, it’s difficult to stop, but if she laughs, she laughs with all her heart.

To understand how you can help your wife (and yourself too) now, let’s try to understand the causes of emotional instability.

Pregnancy hormone

The main hormone of pregnancy is progesterone, and its main task is to prepare the uterus for pregnancy so that it can “hold” the embryo, in addition, progesterone performs many other necessary functions. However, this “noble knight” just affects the mood, and not in the best way.

During the 1st trimester of pregnancy, many physiological changes occur. For example, in the functioning of the central nervous system, a decrease in the excitability of the cerebral cortex and a relative increase in the excitability of subcortical formations are detected. You may observe that your wife has become lethargic and constantly wants to sleep. But these changes are beneficial. Nature takes care to reduce a woman’s activity (including sexual activity). It simply forces the expectant mother to sleep and rest more, and also to have less contact with the external environment.

What should my husband do? First, understand that your wife’s changed behavior is not at all aimed at annoying you. Hormones really have a big impact on your mood and well-being.

Be hope and support. A woman’s emotions are unstable - this is caused by physiological changes in her body. But there's nothing wrong with you! Therefore, it is now that you need to show calm and balance. If you get angry and “respond in kind,” a so-called “circle of emotional contagion” will form. The more you “respond”, the worse your wife’s emotional state. Try to smooth out conflict situations and be more tolerant of mood swings. This will really help your wife be calmer.

Psychological reasons

Throughout pregnancy, a woman is psychologically preparing to move into a new role for her - mother. At this stage of life, she will face numerous changes that require a lot of mental work. And, of course, this also affects her emotional state. After all, preparing for motherhood is a journey of reflection, sometimes difficult.

Will she cope with caring for the baby? Will she be able to be a good mother for the baby and a good wife for you? Will motherhood affect her career, and if so, how? What place should friends and hobbies occupy in her life now?

In fact, your wife must find a new place in life, because she is now constantly responsible for a small creature, and it is important for her that you be near her.

What to do? It is very important that your wife feels your support throughout the pregnancy. In this case, by the time of birth, she will be psychologically ready to become a mother - a real support for the baby. Inattention to the wife, rudeness, and the expectation that she will be the same and not change during pregnancy interfere with important processes occurring inside a woman. That is why pregnancy is a serious test of the strength of a relationship. Some of the men themselves become a “capricious child,” some become a rude tyrant, some become an indifferent observer. All of these are ineffective models of male behavior. As a result, the family may break up in the first or second year after the birth of the baby. And not because the woman became “bad,” but because the husband did not want to show his best qualities. Take an interest in the woman’s well-being, her thoughts, feelings. Dream together about what your baby will be like. All this sets up a general positive wave.

Relationship problems

And last, but by no means least, the reason for a bad mood during pregnancy is real problems: misunderstanding of relatives, lack of support, troubles at work, etc. Of course, a pregnant woman tends to dramatize a lot and react very sharply. But often problems worsen when others find out about the future addition. If situations in which irritation and resentment arise are repeated, you should not blame everything on hormones and “pregnant woman quirks.” We need to face the truth.

What to do? Perhaps it is worth reconsidering the frequency of meetings with friends and forms of personal leisure “in favor” of the family and the woman you love, who needs you so much now. Or maybe you should start helping her around the house more so that she doesn’t feel like the only warrior in this field. It also happens that the problems in relationships are much deeper. If the problem is genuine, it needs to be resolved as quickly as possible. Don’t delay, nothing will be resolved on its own, and after the baby is born there will be much less time and energy. If necessary, seek the help of a psychologist specializing in perinatal psychology.

Throughout pregnancy, a woman's emotions are more superficial than usual. They do not go “deep”, do not accumulate, but splash out. This is the wisdom of nature - in this way, mother’s experiences bring much less harm to the child - even in cases of serious stress. That is why now a woman reacts to everything more “acutely”. This does not mean that she worries more in familiar situations than before. It’s just that now her emotions are visible, she can’t hide them. A husband is, first of all, support, support and protection for a woman. If your wife feels your responsibility for her and the baby, if she is surrounded by your care and attention to her and the pregnancy process, she will be in a good mood. This means that everything will be fine in the relationship!

Treat the situation with understanding and wait. The most difficult trimester is the first. At this time, a woman often feels unwell, her mood is objectively unstable. The second trimester will soon come, and many problems will go away.

• Attention and affection are the best helpers of the future dad. Show your wife the attention and affection that she so needs now. The whole world of the expectant mother is changing, and she may not yet have found new “supports” in it. She needs your support now. Don’t be afraid to “spoil” your wife with displays of care and attention.
• Take on some of the household responsibilities. A woman, seeing that a man is trying on the household front, begins to feel much more confident.
• Create a favorable emotional atmosphere. Visit exhibitions together, go to the theater, take walks. During pregnancy, it is especially important for spouses to receive positive joint emotions. Perhaps after the birth of a child there will not immediately be time to relax just the two of you. Therefore, use these 9 months to recharge yourself with positivity and form a “bank” of good memories.
• Make your wife feel safe. The feeling that she is protected from life's adversities is especially important for an expectant mother. Protect her from frightening information: stories about difficult births, television shows with messages about disasters. Films with scenes of violence and disasters can also cause anxiety. TV can be replaced by good music and cooperative games (cards, backgammon, Monopoly, etc.). And from the TV program it is better to choose positive shows, comedies and “family” films.
• Hug your wife more often just like that, and especially if she is upset or crying. Hugs and a sincere desire to help are actions that can say a lot without words: “I love you, I accept you, I am with you.” It will be good if you say a few gentle words of love and support.

In some families, expecting a child becomes a real disaster - mutual understanding disappears, the best feelings are replaced by their opposite. In others, it happens that, on the contrary, relationships that were previously deteriorating suddenly become better. Of course, the important point will be the desirability of the child for each spouse. But it also happens that even a planned pregnancy becomes a difficult test for family relationships. How the spouses will endure it largely depends on the woman’s ability to communicate to her husband about her condition and on the mutual desire and ability of the spouses to express their love. If there is a source of tension in your family, it is better to identify it and improve your relationship with your spouse now, while you are expecting your baby. So that the new family member sees the world full of love, not strife.

Understanding what cannot be experienced

Of course, men are not given the power to carry and give birth to children, and they are not able to fully understand the joys and difficulties of this sacrament. But that doesn't mean they can't empathize. It is very important to be able to communicate to your husband about your condition. Of course, there is no need to constantly whine and complain, especially since it is rare that pregnancy is actually so difficult. In many ways, a woman’s condition depends on her mood. Constant complaints and self-pity do not improve your health. At the same time, it is not always easy to believe that pregnancy is not a disease, but a special condition. Especially if it starts with early toxicosis. A man may not know what this condition is, but he can believe that you feel bad and sympathize with you. It’s good if you don’t just complain, but also tell what actions your spouse can take to make your situation easier. Knowing that a loved one is feeling bad and not being able to help is very difficult. You can ask your husband to take out what you need from the refrigerator if the smells from there irritate you. For the same reason, your spouse is unlikely to refuse to take out the trash or not wear perfume that has become unpleasant to you. Let him hang up or remove the laundry if it becomes difficult for you to raise your arms high. But you should not try to shift all household chores to your husband under the pretext of your well-being. Housework is the minimum physical activity that a pregnant woman even needs. And the spouse will hardly be pleased to realize that they are trying to manipulate him. Be sure to ask for help where your husband can provide it and where you really need it, but do not abuse your position.

It happens that a husband flatly refuses to help his wife with housework. This is especially difficult for a woman who sees her husband’s help as a manifestation of love. A man’s refusal to do household chores does not necessarily mean that he is indifferent to his other half. Perhaps in his family there was a clear division of work into “women’s” and “men’s”, and he grew up with the idea that there were things that he was not supposed to do. In this case, you should appeal to your spouse’s sense of justice. Once upon a time, wives generally did not work and only took care of the house and children, while husbands fed the family. Since then, times have changed, and the once typically male role of breadwinner in most families is divided between both spouses. Isn't it fair to share women's responsibilities so that the workload on husband and wife is equal? An important argument can also be the message that when your spouse helps you, you feel loved. Sometimes the husband refuses to do housework because he is the main breadwinner and is very tired. If you still need help, you can’t cope with homework due to your health, you should think about hiring an assistant.

Perhaps every woman appreciates her husband’s interest in the progress of her pregnancy. A real miracle happens - a little person grows inside you. It’s nice when your husband shares with you the joys and anxieties of expecting a baby, is interested in your well-being and the opinion of doctors, and it’s a shame to see your spouse’s indifference. Men's reactions to the news of impending fatherhood vary greatly. Some people immediately begin to feel like a father and are happy about it, while others need a lot of time to realize the change and accept it. In this case, the man often appears indifferent, although in fact he is experiencing his own worries.

Sometimes a husband is not only interested in his wife’s condition, but also has his own opinion on how she should behave. And this opinion does not always coincide with the wife’s ideas or even with the doctor’s recommendations. Most often, the spouse listens only to the words of his mother and believes that her experience can be trusted. What if you don’t like these recommendations at all? It’s hardly worth brushing off and ignoring your husband’s words: after all, this is also a manifestation of his care and concern for you and the child. Resentment and tears are unlikely to help: he would rather attribute it to your condition than finally realize where he himself is wrong. But in most cases it is possible to discuss everything seriously and come to an agreement. Often it is enough to remind your spouse that his mother’s information is already out of date. She probably doesn’t know all the nuances and judges only by herself: she remembers what was once forbidden and recommended to her and now gives the same advice to her daughter-in-law. Does she have a medical degree? If not, there is nothing to argue about: your doctor probably knows better what is good for you. If all these arguments don’t work on your spouse, if he doesn’t even want to think about the fact that his mother might be wrong, then all that remains is to agree with him and... do it your way. Because arguments take a lot of time and energy, and now you need them much more for more positive activities.

Language of love

Have you ever heard that love in marriage lasts for the first year, maximum for the first three years, and then is replaced by habit if the family does not break up at all? This actually happens quite often. Why is this happening? Where does love go and is it possible to do something to avoid losing it? After all, right now, while expecting a baby, I especially want the world into which he comes to be full of love.

For love to live for years, it must be created constantly. If you begin to act as a person behaves when he loves, then, most likely, your husband will respond with sincere feelings. How do people behave when they love? They give gifts, look at each other friendly, listen to their loved one, touch him, willingly give in on little things, say pleasant things, and strive in every possible way to please their loved one. Even if you don't feel the rush of love at the moment, you can still do all these things. No matter what worries pregnancy brings, you should not forget that a child is the fruit of love, this is what has now forever connected you with this particular man. It often happens that spouses actually have feelings, but they do not find expression. The ability to express one's feelings varies from person to person. For some this is easy and pleasant, others are much more restrained in both statements and actions. This does not mean that a reserved person does not love - he loves, but does not know how or cannot afford to express it. Often in a marriage, one spouse is hotter and the other is colder. It happens that the first begins to take offense at the second and stops showing his love. Unfortunately, this usually only leads to the fact that the mutual feeling gradually fades away. At the same time, when one of the spouses shows care and shows that he loves, the second becomes infected and inspired, and he has a desire to do the same.

Another common problem is when a husband and wife talk about love in different languages. For example, a wife wants to hear something pleasant, but the husband only knows how to give gifts or express his feelings through touch, hugs, and kisses. As a result, a woman often begins to think that her husband does not love her, and he, in turn, does not understand what does not suit her - after all, he, as it seems to him, makes it clear what he feels for her. During pregnancy, every woman especially needs love and care, and the ability of spouses to understand each other becomes an important condition for maintaining a good climate in the family.

Psychologists identify 5 main love languages.

Spending time together is not just about talking. Many people feel loved when someone dear to them is engaged in the same activity. This could be going to a concert or a picnic in the forest, even cleaning together - any activity that both or at least one of the spouses likes, and the other doesn’t mind. When you do something together, you create shared memories. This can be a source of joy for your family.

• Words of encouragement. These include compliments, praise, and expressions of gratitude - everything you can say to your spouse that is pleasant, that can please him. Words of encouragement should not be flattery, an attempt to achieve something. What is said sincerely, with the sole purpose of pleasing a loved one, is received with gratitude, and evokes a desire to repay in kind. The intonation with which you speak is also important. After all, it is capable of changing and distorting the meaning of words.
• Time spent together. Conversations and any joint activities are the love language of many people. The most important thing here is to pay attention to your spouse. After all, being together is not the same as being close. For example, if a husband and wife are watching TV at the same time, they may not even notice each other - all their attention is occupied by what is happening on the screen. To be together, you need to turn off the TV and look at each other. But just looking is not enough. A general activity or conversation is needed. When a husband or wife complains that the other half does not talk to him or her, this does not always mean that the person does not open his mouth. Many people know how and love to talk, but few people know how to listen. In a conversation, it is important to understand what a person wants, to grasp his emotions, his real need.
• Gifts are visible symbols of love. Unfortunately, after marriage, people often forget about this. Spouses often feel that gifts are a waste of money. Thrift is a good quality for a family man, but isn't love a worthy investment? Choosing a gift is not always an easy task. It must be said that people whose love language is gifts are not too concerned about their price. They really value attention. And therefore it’s not scary that it’s not always possible to buy something expensive. If a person is difficult to please, then most likely this is not their love language.
• Help. As a rule, women are more likely to need help at home than men. For some wives, their husband’s participation in housework is unnecessary - they do a good job themselves. Others cope too, but their husband’s help is accepted as a sign of love and care. If your spouse often criticizes you for not cleaning the house enough or not preparing dinner, then helping is his love language too. He wants you to take care of him. The trouble is that orders kill love, while requests help express it. Don't let yourself be bossed around - it's not good for good relationships. And of course, try not to make demands yourself. Even pregnancy does not give you the right to do this. But learning to ask is important. A great way to ruin a relationship is to assume that your spouse should figure out what you want from him and be offended if he doesn’t. Firstly, people do not read each other’s thoughts, although sometimes they guess. Secondly, few people like to feel that they are trying to get something from them, blackmailing them with an insult: do it or I will be offended. Your husband may refuse to fulfill your desire just because of this.
• Touching. For some people, this is the only way to feel love for themselves. It is important for them to hold hands, they need to be kissed and hugged, otherwise such a person begins to doubt that he is loved. Of course, an important part of the language of touch is sexual relations. But fleeting touches can also express love: kisses when meeting and parting, stroking in passing, short hugs. If this love language is not very important to you, if you do not speak it, it may not be so easy to learn. But if this is important to your spouse, it’s worth mastering the language of touch. After all, it is very important to speak the same language with your loved one.

Have you already determined your love language? This becomes clear to many as soon as they see the names: words of encouragement, time spent together, gifts, help, touches. People in whose lives there is a lot of love, and those who are sorely lacking it, often find it difficult to determine their love language. If you don't find the answer right away, try asking yourself the following questions. When do you feel loved? What do you want most from your loved one? What hurts you the most? If you are very upset that your husband does not help around the house, then your love language is help. If any criticism really hurts you, you need words of encouragement. Another way to determine your love language is to remember what you most often ask your spouse for. This is most likely what you need most. And finally, remember how you yourself most often express love, what you do. Most likely, this is what you expect from your spouse.

In the same way, you can understand in what language your spouse expresses his feelings. Does he often touch you or give you gifts, words of encouragement or help? What does your husband ask you most often? Once you understand which love language is most important to your spouse, all you have to do is start speaking it. Husband and wife do not always express their feelings in the same way. It is a rare person who speaks all five love languages. Sometimes it can be difficult to learn a foreign language. But this is the work that will definitely pay off.

To make the conversation a joy...

You can master the art of conversation. To do this, try learning the following techniques:

• Look into the eyes of your interlocutor. This will help you stay focused and show your spouse that you are truly listening.
• Don't be distracted by other things. If you are currently busy with something, say about it: “I’m busy now, please wait a few minutes, then I can listen to you.” This request cannot offend, if, of course, you keep your promise.
• Try to grasp the emotions of your interlocutor. You can correctly understand what a person means only by knowing what he feels. Don’t be afraid to check yourself, ask again: “You look upset, you’re probably upset that...”. This will also show your spouse that you are listening carefully.
• Watch your facial expressions and gestures. What position does your loved one sit in, what is his facial expression, does he gesticulate a lot? This says a lot about what is really happening to a person. After all, words and the nonverbal message of the body often contradict each other. In such cases, it is worth paying more attention to the message of the body - facial expressions and gestures. Be sure to check your guesses, ask again what the interlocutor really feels.
• Don't interrupt. Unfortunately, it is a rare person who knows how to take his time in expressing his own opinion. Still, it’s important to learn this if you really want to understand your interlocutor.

When two people look in the same direction

When loving people are united by common aspirations, goals and interests, the family rests on a strong foundation. Can you say what unites you and your husband? Do you have common interests and goals? Do you share all of your husband’s values ​​in life?

Each family develops its own value system. Even within the same culture, the rules by which different families live can vary greatly. For a child, the parents' beliefs are something taken for granted. Children grow up with the feeling that the views of mom and dad are the only correct ones. When young people create their own family, they bring values ​​from their parents’ families, and these values ​​do not always coincide. It is important to be able to agree on one belief system. To do this, each spouse will have to give up something from their own beliefs and accept something new. It's not always easy. But otherwise the union will not be harmonious and strong, and the children will find themselves in a difficult situation: they will have to choose between the views of their father and mother. The child will not know what kind of behavior will suit both parents. This will become a source of anxiety for him. To prevent this from happening, and simply to ensure that each spouse feels comfortable in the family, it is worth discussing with your husband what is truly important to him in life, what rules he adheres to in his heart, what he would like to see relationships in the family, and try to find a compromise with your beliefs.

If your spouse’s behavior is not clear to you, try to talk to him about it and understand why he behaves the way he does. It is important to communicate how your husband’s actions make you feel - this has a much stronger impact than words: “You are behaving incorrectly, you need to do this and that.” Perhaps when your spouse sees the situation through your eyes, he will reconsider his own beliefs.

"Pregnant" sex

Another important reason that can worsen the climate in the family is the sexual relationship of the spouses. During pregnancy, a woman's libido often changes: sometimes it increases, and sometimes it disappears altogether. It’s bad when a husband remains unsatisfied for several months. This can cause serious problems in the family, because the husband, in turn, will most likely perceive his wife’s refusal as a manifestation of self-dislike, as a lack of love. And unfulfilled physical attraction can make a man irritable. My wife probably won't like it. It is easier to experience a spouse’s refusal when a ban on sex is recommended by a doctor for medical reasons. A mutual compromise that the spouses can try to find in this case will be much more useful to the family than confrontation.

Another common problem occurs when a pregnant woman's libido increases or remains the same, but her husband refuses to have sex with her. A spouse's refusal can cause resentment. But don’t rush to isolate yourself. Try to understand what is happening with your husband. Often this behavior is due to the fact that the man is afraid of doing something to harm his wife and child. This usually goes away when the woman makes it clear that she wants a husband, that the changes that have occurred have not changed her feelings and sensations. Often a man is reassured by medical literature. So, having learned more about anatomy, the spouse begins to understand that the child is quite well protected and it is simply impossible to harm him. And of course, a man needs guidance: be sure to tell him which of his actions bring you discomfort and which are pleasant. "Pregnant" sex is a special relationship. There is usually less experimentation and diversity, but more tenderness and depth of feelings.

It is not true that all happy families are alike and only unhappy ones are different. There are many recipes for happiness, while most often the same problems destroy relationships. Finding your own path to a successful marriage is not always easy. But the decision to keep and grow love or go with the flow is within your power.

Pregnancy is a long-awaited event in a loving family. The nine months before the birth of a child are filled with joyful expectations, excitement and anxiety. A woman’s body, under the influence of hormones, undergoes global physiological changes, and the new state makes adjustments to the psychological perception of the world around her. In order for a pregnant woman to safely survive this difficult period, an understanding and caring husband must be nearby.

How should a man behave around his pregnant wife? How to react to constantly changing moods and whims? How to support a pregnant woman and calm her fears? The husband can get answers to these questions if he knows about the processes occurring in a woman’s body in each trimester of pregnancy. After all, real modern men actively participate in preparing for the birth of a baby and support a woman during this difficult period, right?

First trimester: test of strength with toxicosis and bad mood

Sudden mood swings during pregnancy and diametrically changed food preferences may be the first signal that changes in family composition await you. And the news about expecting a child after a visit to the antenatal clinic or a positive test result can take a man by surprise. Not all husbands, including those who passionately dreamed of this moment, can show joy from the upcoming event. But even after a moment’s stupor, you should pull yourself together and show maximum love and attention. For a woman, this is one of the key points confirming that she was not mistaken in choosing a life partner.

In the first trimester of pregnancy, a man should become the embodiment of calm and reliability. A loving husband will try to dispel a woman’s worries and fears, understanding that they are caused by hormonal changes. It is important to give her the opportunity to express her emotions without fear of running into condemnation or irritation. Support, reassure, look for an opportunity to switch attention from far-fetched fears to positive thoughts. Create reasons for joy, show that you are there at any moment.

The initial stage of pregnancy is very often accompanied by toxicosis, and previously favorite foods that were considered pleasant smells can provoke a gag reflex. During this period, it is worth replacing your usual hygiene products with hypoallergenic, odorless ones, and stop using perfumes. If a woman reacts painfully to the smell of tobacco, then it is better to refrain from smoking, especially if you do not smoke in her presence. Most likely, a pregnant wife with toxicosis will not be able to cope with regular cooking, so it is better to offer all possible help in this matter. Pamper your loved one with fresh fruits and healthy herbal teas. Despite being picky about food, try to adhere to the principles of a healthy diet and take care of a balanced diet.

Fatigue of a pregnant woman is a constant companion in the first weeks. This is due to the need to reduce the risks of miscarriage and allow the unborn child to develop peacefully. A good husband will protect his beloved woman from unbearable physical exertion and will take charge of solving everyday problems. Walking together in the fresh air and attending interesting events during this period will not only have a beneficial effect on the condition of the pregnant wife, but will also strengthen the relationship.

Second trimester: time of female activity

In a normal pregnancy, the second trimester is considered the calmest time. The body has already adjusted to bearing a child, the woman has become accustomed to her new role, the husband is looking forward to the imminent appearance of an heir. During this period, the expectant mother may be overcome by a thirst for great things. She initiates renovations in the nursery or changing the interior of the entire house, finds new hobbies, and studies extensively information about the upcoming birth and raising a child.

If the couple has come to an agreement on the issues of refurbishment of housing, there is no need to hinder women’s initiative. Her husband can and should support her in all her endeavors. But if the absurdity of any actions is obvious, then it is better for a man to gently convince his half and adjust her energy to a more predictable result.

Mid-pregnancy is a good time for vacation and travel. Go to the place that you both dreamed of, because the whole next year will be devoted to the troubles and worries of taking care of the baby. Spend an unforgettable vacation devoting time to each other. The positive emotions received on the trip will set you in a positive, creative mood.

Third trimester: waiting for the finale

In the last months before giving birth, a woman especially needs her husband’s attention. Rapid changes in appearance and the entire body lead to difficulties in physical activity. It becomes difficult for a pregnant woman to carry out her household duties and take care of herself. During this period, prenatal fears and fears of not being able to cope with the tasks of caring for a child may arise.

At this time, it is better for a man to accompany his wife to the antenatal clinic in order to be aware of current events, recommendations and prohibitions of the doctor. Joint attendance at courses for future parents will bring the couple even closer together and protect them from problems and misunderstandings in the postpartum period. Now, more than ever, a woman needs confidence in her attractiveness, support and help from her husband in any situation.

It will be useful for a man to study the harbingers of an approaching birth, help him pack his things for the maternity hospital, and develop a strategy in case he is not around at that moment. It is better to enlist the support of one of your relatives or friends if he is at work. A pregnant wife will feel calmer and more confident if she knows that her husband is in control of the situation at any moment.

Pregnancy leaves a special imprint on a woman’s worldview. Very often it gets lost among many signs and prejudices. At some points, it is better for a man to agree with her demands, at others - to turn to reason and logic, trying to unobtrusively explain that his wife is mistaken, and her fears are not justified.

• Do not advertise the interesting position of your spouse even in front of close friends and relatives without her consent. Not everyone can be happy about your news, and a pregnant woman does not need a stream of negativity at all.
• Do not ignore intimate relationships unless there are medical contraindications. Don't worry about harming your unborn baby. For many women, desire only intensifies during pregnancy, and the caresses of the husband will be another confirmation of his love.
• Protect your wife from intrusive attention and unnecessary advice. Together, study current recommendations for pregnant women and women in labor.
• Accompany your wife to medical institutions for ultrasound examinations. Stay up to date with everything that's happening.
• Attend counseling together on proper breathing during labor. If you are planning a partner birth, this will be a good help to support the woman.
• Go shopping together, choosing the right things for your future baby.
• Establish contact with the unborn child: talk to him, stroke his belly, apply your palms.

Remember that shared experiences and concerns bring the family closer together and set a positive mood for the birth of a baby and the changes in life associated with this event.

Mama72 ru Tyumen wishes you patience and mutual understanding during such an important and difficult period of life as the pregnancy of your beloved wife.