Do Tajiks love? Tajiks attitude towards Russian women

I witnessed an ugly (in my opinion) scene when at a bus stop, under a canopy, 4 young Tajiks (working in construction) were sitting lounging on chairs, and 2 elderly women were standing in the rain. None of those sitting even made an attempt to give them a seat. What traditions are modern Tajiks raised on? One gets the impression that when crossing the Russian border, visitors from Central Asia are left with only instincts?

• Who can protect us, women, from such boorish attitude of migrants?

Because they arrived from another culture. It would be strange to approach them accordingly with our standards, with our traditions. Of course, women need to give way. Of course, you can’t sit when a woman is standing next to you. And a dozen different others “of course.” But the thing is that it's only for us Europeans, these things and all this behavior in general are taken for granted. Granted. And the usual rules of politeness - they us familiar because it's European rules. The countries of Central Asia have completely different traditions. Let's start with the fact that they were raised, from childhood, on Islam, and not on Christianity. A woman in Islam is a second-class creature and often has no rights at all. Yes, it seems wild to us, but that’s how it is us it seems so. But they grew up with this, and it seems strange to them is our attitude, our traditions, our moral standards. In our country, it is considered indecent to burp at the table and lick your fingers - but in the East, not burping after a meal and not licking your fingers would be a sign of disrespect for the host: he fed the guests poorly and tastelessly. And which tradition is “correct”? Yes, neither, both have the right to exist. In one culture, one tradition is more common, in another - another. Returning to the mentioned Tajiks: the fact that they did not give up their place to a woman does not mean any conscious neglect, conscious disrespect or anything like that. It just didn't occur to them. This is not rudeness at all - this is ignorance. In Tazhikistan, like many other places, they This is how they live. It is impossible to instantly adapt to a foreign culture, despite the fact that the initial level of education of those who go to Russia to earn money in not the most prestigious jobs, let’s face it, is also low. Moreover, no one is specifically engaged in such “educational education” - neither on their part, nor on ours. Well, what do you want from yesterday’s dekhans?

Judging the entire nation by 4 people seems completely wrong to me. Is it possible to talk about the whole nation if you have only met those representatives who did not find use for their intelligence, knowledge, and skills in their homeland and went to work in another country? And even they are all different, not to mention all the people. If we think like this, then foreigners have the right to judge negatively about the entire Russian people, seeing tourists reveling in freebies in Turkey, or to judge when they meet criminals, or to judge all the women of Russia by individual priestesses of love who simply filled some countries. You should never generalize. Well, now to the essence of the question - these 4 people of Eastern nationality, who could well have been Tajiks, most likely did not give way to women because they did not receive proper upbringing in their family. By the way, I was in Russia just now, and not a single man gave me his seat or helped me with a heavy suitcase.)

How do Tajiks treat Russian girls?

Vladlena is dating a Tajik. The guy is very well-mannered and delicate. But the Russian girl is gnawed by doubts: what if the Tajik’s relationship is not so correct?

From the first lines of this publication, I am forced to remind you that you have no right to incite ethnic hatred.

Let's learn not to put offensive stamps on everyone who is not Russian.

Tajiks are overly hardworking brothers who are distinguished by their cheerful good nature.

With the greatest difficulty, I managed to include in the discussion a girl who, like Vladlena, is dating a Tajik.

She agreed to answer the question posed.

I'm Margot. 24 - according to the passport. 25 according to psychologist.

People are so tired of the dullness of everyday life that give them sensations, gossip and stupid conversation.

This is exactly what we are doing now.

Tajiks treat Russian girls according to their upbringing, and not to their preconceived perception of the individual.

Many people call them “little stalls”.

What do you call yourself?

My Tajik boyfriend builds our relationship without embarrassment in the fact that I am a Russian young lady.

I don’t feel any difference between a bouquet of flowers and an invitation to a cafe - if in his place there was a well-mannered Russian young man.

And again the question “stank”: what do you need, are there not enough Russians?

Or does Margot like it “darker”?

No, ghouls, our acquaintance took place completely by chance, when my Tajik was just returning from a stall.

A white-toothed smile, no hints of fleeting intimacy, drunkenness or rudeness.

Yes, I had to get used to his accent a little. He was probably getting used to it too.

The relations of Tajiks, who are not fixated on the nation, are based on the conviction that in front of him stands a Russian woman who is no different from humble Tajiks.

Of course, among any diaspora there are nasty people.

And now I don’t want to blame anyone for anything.

That’s why we live so hostilely, because we don’t see any prospects for serious and pure relationships with those who speak broken Russian.

Please love good people - no matter what nationality.

And let's end this conversation.

Margo from Moscow.

The material was prepared by me, Edwin Vostryakovsky.

How do Tajiks and Chechens treat Russian girls?

Russian girls are not very suitable for marriage, since they are not cultured enough, I repeat the words of one of my friends, from one of the fraternal southern republics. I have had the opportunity to work on construction sites with fraternal peoples, fellow countrymen of Rakhmonov, Karimov and Petrosyan. It happens that people get married in a civil marriage, and then it turns out that he already has a family at home. Therefore, advice to girls, if love appears, check the documents. I haven’t seen anyone from Chechnya on construction sites; they don’t seem to be found in physical work these days. During the USSR, I remember there were many Chechen builders; they built cowsheds on our farms. There was no time for locals, they couldn’t keep up, under the USSR everyone worked, so they were hired. They worked well and treated well. I remember we even played volleyball with them on the school playground. However, at that time the upbringing was different; the communists promoted friendship and brotherhood. Now I can’t say anything about the Chechens, regarding their attitude towards women. Everything has changed, and a new generation has grown up. Kindness, together with the USSR, has been left far behind, we are increasingly immersed in the laws of the jungle and capitalism - “eat it, otherwise they will eat you.”

Every reasonable parent should explain to their daughters that they should not deal with representatives of these nationalities. The example given by gudroni is quite real, I have heard of worse cases. But even if a Muslim marries a Russian, over time he will still leave her, and there will be a war because of the children. One woman I know has a Caucasian husband who waited until his son turned 7 years old and ran away with him to his homeland. Essentially he stole a child. And with the ends. Couldn't find it. And only when the guy turned 16 years old, he himself ran away from his father to his mother in Russia. His father came for him with his brothers, his mother had to call the riot police. But even if they live to old age with their Russian wives, then they will still kick these wives in the ass and marry their own. The Koran does not allow them to die with someone of another religion. And besides all this, there are many different nuances. They take advantage of Russian women and laugh at their stupidity. For any Caucasian to spoil Russian blood is valor. Let even one Russian try to spoil their blood by getting involved with their woman, they will kill him right away.

Travel to Tajikistan: attitude towards Russians

The attitude towards Russians in Tajikistan is very ambiguous. While you are in the status of a guest, you can count on a friendly and respectful attitude, especially if you look respectable.

But the attitude towards the Russian people permanently living there is different. No guest status - no security guarantees. Russian elderly people, women and children are often subjected to humiliation and even beatings from local youth.

When traveling around Tajikistan, you should be prepared mentally and financially for increased attention from government officials of all stripes. They extort money openly and brazenly.

The Russian language is well understood by older and middle-aged residents of Dushanbe, but much less so by young people. At the market, our group often encountered language problems, and we had to negotiate a purchase literally on our fingers.

In villages the situation is much worse; there it is even more difficult to find a Russian-speaking interlocutor. But I’ll tell you about the villages in a separate post, that’s a completely different story.

It's sad. And there are some strange things in the photo - a wedding dress next to a hot dog! It’s like, whoever buys a dress gets a hot dog as a gift)))

Is it really a bad attitude towards the non-titular nations of Tajikistan? As for the language, I’ll say this... the reason is nationalization. The CIS countries left the USSR almost 20 years ago and are moving toward nationalization. It `s naturally.

I don’t know if Russian has the status of a state language in Tajikistan? In Uzbekistan, for example, he never had. The reason is a mono-ethnic state. That is, it has the status of a language of “interethnic” communication. but not the state one. I know that in Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan it has state status.

As for the oppression of Russians, this is true. Even Tajik women do not miss the opportunity to inject more painfully Russian women. Again, I repeat that we are talking about permanent residents there. In Dushanbe this rarely occurs, but in villages and small towns it often occurs. I received this information first hand.

It’s just that they can be understood too. They are probably offended by the TV show “Our Russia”. They openly mock Tajiks there. I heard what they have. this program is prohibited. Although the common people, the non-titular people, are not guilty of this. Unfortunately, this is the time now.

I was also very surprised and amused by such an unexpected neighborhood:)

What about the Didor gallery? Such a great name! Well done owner - he called with an eye to the future!

In Tajikistan, the official language is Tajik. I understand that this is a multi-ethnic state and I do not at all expect that all Tajiks learn Russian. I emphasized this because it was important for us as tourists.

They can be understood - the attitude towards Tajiks in Russia can hardly be called respectful and this is not only due to the scandalous TV show. Maybe their women and children are abused in Russia, so I don’t judge them. I'm just writing it as it is.

Of course, every family has its black sheep. Well, what can you do?

if a Caucasian is normal, then the attitude depends on how the girl presents herself

if a Caucasian is an idiot, then he is an idiot

Blog entries: 1

But in general, you’ve already fucked up your fucking America, instructions were distributed to them there, and now the whole country will dial 911 and shout a set of standard obscene phrases when your America is covered with a huge punitive pussy

Well, of course, it all depends on the girl herself.

Only among the Dags, there are a lot of such monsters!

But there are still normal people too, right? who treat girls with respect among these nations?

Shokhobiddin Ibodulloev, a 23-year-old citizen of Tajikistan, was detained and is giving evidence. This shocking crime occurred on July 1, 30 kilometers from Tolyatti in the picturesque village of Tashelka.

Sochi:: A crowd of Caucasians, for the sake of fun, brutally beat vacationing military personnel and their wives

Several Sochi families of Russian army officers were returning home and were completely attacked by a crowd of Caucasians. The leader of the Caucasian bandits took a baseball bat from his car and began to strike him with it. At the police station, the investigator on duty V. Grigoryan said that the attacker was Bogosyan, an investigator of the Central Department of Internal Affairs of Sochi, a senior lieutenant of justice. Grigoryan refused to accept statements from victims. The city prosecutor's office has also done nothing yet. And this is not the first case of such chaos caused by Caucasians in Sochi. Last August, bandits of Caucasian nationality beat peaceful vacationers with baseball bats. Among the injured Sochi residents and their guests were women and children. And until now the perpetrators have not received the punishment they deserve.

Moscow: 40% of all crimes in Moscow are committed by foreigners, Vladimir Pronin, head of the capital’s police department, said at a meeting of the interethnic advisory council on July 14.

Moscow:: Caucasians continue to slaughter the indigenous people. It's already a routine

On the night from Friday to Saturday, in the area of ​​​​Raushskaya embankment (opposite the Kremlin), persons of Caucasian nationality committed the daring murder of a 23-year-old Russian youth, a graduate of the Faculty of Economics of Moscow State University

Leningrad region:: Uzbek found guilty of raping a seven-year-old girl

The St. Petersburg City Court handed down a guilty verdict to a citizen of Uzbekistan, who was found guilty of raping a seven-year-old girl and sentenced to 9 years in prison.

Irkutsk region:: c. Moskovschino. Tajik workers hanged Russian children with shoelaces

Tolerance in action. Two teenagers were killed, one survived and managed to identify the killers.

Moscow:: Moscow is overwhelmed by a wave of immigrants from Asia and the Caucasus

As MK was told by the Moscow City Hall, in recent years the number of Chinese living here has increased 35 (!) times. In second place in terms of “survivability” in the metropolis are Tajiks, whose number has increased by 12.2 times. Chechens (6.9 times), Ingush (5.9 times), Moldovans (5.2 times) and Azerbaijanis (4.6 times) began to populate the capital more actively.

Moscow:: An Azerbaijani raped and killed an 18-year-old Russian girl, a student at Moscow State University

Immigrants continue to rape and kill native Russians. 26-year-old Azerbaijani Zaur Sadigov was detained and has already confessed to the murder of Anna Borisova, an 18-year-old student at Moscow State University. It is possible that he is the “Moscow strangler”, accused of a series of murders in the summer of 2003. There are from 4 to 7 murders and rapes on it.

Moscow:: The share of Russians in Moscow is rapidly decreasing

Tyumen region:: A migrant worker was prevented from raping a 10-year-old orphan

On Sunday, at about ten o’clock, a watchwoman passing by the bushes heard a faint cry: “Don’t!” and rushed into the wilds. A woman noticed a Tajik leaning on a naked 10-year-old orphanage girl

Khabarovsk Territory:: Uninvited guests

The number of illegal immigrants in the Far East in 2005 doubled compared to the previous year.

Moscow:: The case of Alexandra Ivannikova. News from the Moscow City Court

Today, the Moscow City Court considered the case of a Russian girl who, defending herself from an Armenian rapist, killed him.

Moscow:: Caucasians threaten to kill Russians en masse in Moscow itself

Statement by Caucasian bandits: “We will come for you to Russia and get you in your own homes! If necessary, we will attack you and destroy you and your children and wives!”

Moscow:: Is Moscow Russian?

Recent studies by metropolitan scientists have shown: the northern, eastern and southern outskirts of the capital will turn into Caucasian and Asian neighborhoods

Moscow region:: Yegoryevsk. A Tajik migrant worker raped a 6-year-old girl.

The shock caused by the rape of a 6-year-old girl by Tajik Begmurodov E.G. cannot be described in words.

Moscow:: Moroccan man detained for rape in Moscow

The girl reported that an unknown person attacked her in Catherine Park. According to the victim, the man raped her and fled. Police officers began an investigation and after some time, a Moroccan born in 1971 was detained on suspicion of committing a crime, Interfax reports.

Moscow:: The murderer and rapist from Azerbaijan were given away by the victim’s mobile phone

The tortured body of the unfortunate woman was found in the bushes on Trofimov Street. Anna was raped and strangled with a belt from her own purse. 26-year-old native of Azerbaijan Zaur Sadigov did not touch the money in Anya’s purse, but had his eye on the phone.

Moscow region:: Tajik killed a 9-year-old schoolboy because of his backpack

Police officers are looking for a citizen of Tajikistan suspected of murdering a 9-year-old schoolboy.

Moscow:: A Tajik janitor was detained for the rape of a 7-year-old girl in Moscow

“Tolerant journalists” are silent about the latest arrest of a Tajik rapist. Criminal scum continues to bring drugs and rape our children and women throughout the country. Ask yourself - “ARE I DOING ANYTHING TO PROTECT MY FATHERLAND, MY PEOPLE, MY LOVED ONES?” Ask and think about it.

Moscow:: Losses from illegal migrants - $8 billion per year

The head of the Federal Migration Service told the press that “the scale of Russia’s economic losses from illegal migrants, according to experts, annually reaches about $8 billion.”

St. Petersburg:: In St. Petersburg, every fifth schoolchild has already become acquainted with drugs

Half of drug addicts are teenagers under 17 years old, and in high schools up to a third of students use them. THINK ABOUT THIS MESSAGE!

Sverdlovsk region:: 11 Tajiks captured. 200 kg (!) of heroin seized

Smugglers hid drugs in a Kamaz trailer loaded with watermelons... It's time to stop the flow of death - RUSSIA URGENTLY NEEDS A VISA REGIME WITH TAJIKISTAN!

Republic of Sakha /Yakutia/ :: There are rapists from the South in Yakutsk

On the evening of May 28, a man living in the area of ​​Ochichenko Street contacted the police and stated that at about 9 p.m., near the Yantar store, his 16-year-old daughter was attacked and raped by an unknown Caucasian man.

Moscow:: A citizen of Moldova is imprisoned for life for the murder of four women in Moscow

Based on a jury verdict, the Moscow City Court sentenced to life imprisonment a guest worker from Moldova who committed the murder of four women in the Russian capital.

Tula region:: Immigrants kept Russian slaves

R. Akhmedov and A. Akhmedov used the slave labor of several residents of the Arsenyevsky district for a number of years. A criminal case has been initiated against them under Art. 127.2 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation “use of slave labor”.

Moscow:: Two Caucasians wanted

In Moscow, a raped pregnant woman, bleeding, spent 40 minutes on the asphalt at the gate of the departmental Medical and Sanitary Unit No. 1 of AMO ZIL and died without waiting for help.

Khabarovsk Territory:: A Chinese man killed an eighth-grader for a mobile phone

In an apartment on Parkovaya Street in the village of Michurinskoye, Khabarovsk Territory, the corpse of an 8th grade student from a local school was found with multiple stab wounds to various parts of the body.

Volgograd region:: Frolovsky district. At the gathering, village residents demand that the uninvited guests be evicted

Gypsy lawlessness has brought residents of the area to the brink. The police have been bought, the officials don't care. The villagers are ready to take axes and independently deal with “gypsies - drug dealers, robbers and robbers.”

Russia:: In total, in Russia, according to the Ministry of Internal Affairs, there are about 4 million adolescent drug addicts and 700,000 orphans. The number of teenagers dying from drugs has increased 42 times over the past 20 years.

Kurgan region:: The bus of migrant workers was loaded with heroin

More than 10 kg of heroin was found in Kurgan during an inspection of the Ikarus bus, which arrived on Saturday from Tajikistan, the press service of the drug control department for the Kurgan region told the Interfax-Ural agency.

Sverdlovsk region:: Tajik raped a young Russian girl

The Nizhny Tagil prosecutor's office has charged a citizen of Tajikistan with raping a 10-year-old girl, Deputy Prosecutor of the Dzerzhinsky District of the city Evgeniy Martenov told the Interfax-Ural agency.

Tajiks attitude towards Russian women

Why you should visit Tajikistan

95% of the country is mountains. And this is the number one reason why tourists go to Tajikistan. Tajikistan is a Mecca for climbers. Therefore, during the Soviet Union, people from all over the country came here for this. Now, however, the situation has changed somewhat. The number of tourists from the CIS countries has decreased due to the unstable situation in recent years. Now the few tourists are predominantly European citizens. At least, while staying at the main mountain camp site Artuch, I did not meet a single Russian. Only a group of well-equipped French and Czechs were caught.

This is one of the good reasons why you should also visit Tajikistan. Everything is striking, everything is not as it should be

In a word, exotic. This was the second reason why I chose to travel to Tajikistan. And my expectations were completely met and even beyond that.

During my first days in the country, I walked around with my eyes wide open.

People and relationships

Before the trip, I read articles from travelers who had already visited Tajikistan. Everyone noted a very good attitude towards Russians. This was the third reason for my choice. Expectations were also fully justified. Moreover, I did not expect such attention and care for me. Maybe this is because there were practically no Russians left there, and I was a novelty, or maybe because ties with Russia are close.

What came as a surprise to me was the established relationship that Tajiks have with each other. In a word, they are based on some kind of closeness, kinship to each other, unlike Russians, who may help you in difficult times, but will be suspicious of any stranger.

Why you shouldn't visit Tajikistan

If comfort is important to you, if you value well-being in everything, then you should not go to Tajikistan. The country is about to move away from previous military-political internal conflicts. And people do not yet feel the desire to throw all their strength into raising the country. There is some kind of apathy. At the same time, the majority of the working population works for the benefit of Russia, and not their homeland.

The country seems to be on the outskirts of civilization; economic life seems to have come to a standstill. It seems that time has stopped, and you have found yourself in the times of decaying socialism - dilapidation is everywhere. Business is very timid in penetrating the country. Most well-known companies are practically not represented here. An exception may be Beeline. There are practically no shopping centers, only small shops and markets. The roads are mostly in a disgusting condition, with the exception of the center of Dushanbe, or are completely absent. There are, of course, signs of new life: the Chinese have begun to develop the country’s most important artery - the mountain road to the north of the country, new hotels have been built, but this is a drop in the ocean.

On the other hand, extreme sports fans, of which I include myself, will really like all this.

My travel itinerary

It’s definitely better to travel to Tajikistan by plane, since traveling by train can spoil the trip

My travel itinerary involved visiting, if not the whole country, then at least its main part. However, in reality it turned out less than half, but that was enough for me. We managed to visit Dushanbe, Jilikul - the center and south of the country, the Fan Mountains, a chain of seven beautiful lakes, also Penjikent, Khujand - the north of the country. I planned, but did not visit Nurek (the largest hydroelectric power station is located there), Khorog. So there is still a reason to return.

It so happened that I was able to see Tajikistan from the point of view of the lives of ordinary people, which created the most complete impression of the country. My advice is that no matter where you travel, it is always better to interact and live with ordinary people rather than being locked in your hotels and looking at people's lives through the windows of a tour bus.

I also wanted to end the trip with a trip to Samarkand (Uzbekistan), since it is located not far from Penjikent, but I did not have a passport. According to rumors, Russian citizens are not allowed into Uzbekistan without it, unlike Tajikistan.

Since my trip ended somewhat prematurely, and I wanted more impressions, I decided to abruptly change the route to a more gentle one. – Black Sea, Sochi.

Why is the country amazing?

So, now I would like to dwell in more detail on the features of this amazing country. I’ll start with, in my opinion, the most important thing – the peculiarities of the national character.

Features of national character

Immediately, what distinguishes Tajiks from other peoples, if they are nearby, is their hot southern temperament. It is expressed in constant bustle (especially noticeable on the plane and in the market), they cannot sit in one place. Also, temperament is expressed in more active gestures than Europeans and in the fact that it is customary to speak loudly. Involuntarily, after some time you also begin to speak loudly.

In a word, impulsive people.

At the same time, like other peoples of the Muslim East, no one is in a hurry (the only exception is the bazaar: here life is simply in full swing - just some kind of hellish anthill). Time does not have as much value as in European culture. Churchill once said that if the Russians lost an hour, they would lose nothing. And the further you go east, the more this expression intensifies. In relation to Tajiks, we can say: for a Tajik to lose three hours is to lose nothing. Therefore, it is not surprising that time-killing establishments such as teahouses and various eateries with sun loungers instead of a table and chairs are popular in Tajikistan.

The presence of two mutually exclusive imprints of national character also affects how effectively Tajiks work. On the one hand, increased impulse multiplied by enormous patience, developed as a result of living in difficult natural and climatic conditions (heat and mountains), makes Tajiks energetic workers. On the other hand, some kind of apathy makes Tajiks complete idiots. Carelessness. present everywhere:

They don’t really care about how comfortable their home is. The arrangement of housing is characterized by simplicity. Everywhere (I observed in Dushanbe) on the streets there is shit (garbage has been lying there, as it seemed to me, for years and has gradually merged with the street itself, there are practically no trash cans). Car traffic resembles the chaotic movement of atomic particles. At the same time, I did not see a single accident, which, oddly enough, speaks of the skill of Tajiks in driving. If there had been such chaotic movement in Moscow, in an hour Moscow would have turned into piles of twisted metal with a stream of casualties.

The distance between people among Tajiks is reduced to a virtual distance. Therefore, they easily enter into relationships with each other, even if they did not know each other at all. At the same time, one gets the impression from the outside that they know each other almost all the time.

1. It became a habit for me, whenever I met people I didn’t know, to automatically extend my hand to them for a handshake, especially when I was traveling with Tajiks I already knew. In Russia, a handshake is also accepted, but it is still applicable to mostly already familiar people.

2. A sign of special hospitality was, for example, that the taxi driver whom my Tajik friend hired to travel to the south on his business, after the trip, offered to temporarily stay in his private house on the outskirts of Dushanbe. In addition, he showed great patience when the waiting time had long expired, although he personally expressed dissatisfaction with me about this, but only to me.

3. When visiting, wherever I was, I was treated whenever possible free of charge. So the first week I spent practically nothing.

And if I found myself in the mountains, they immediately invited me over for tea and cake. There was even a case when an old lady called me for tea, but she didn’t speak Russian at all, and I didn’t immediately understand what she wanted to tell me. I felt very pleased and unusual about this.

4. When my Tajik and I were driving at night from Dushanbe to Penjikent on his Volga, we stopped more than once to help motorists who were stuck for one reason or another. One was even specially helped to refuel, driving to a gas station to get it because he had run out of gas.

And I could list such examples further. It was all very surprising for me to see. But what was especially striking was that drivers (for example, Abdusalam), in the event of a dangerous situation on the road created by another driver by accident, do not swear at each other, as we do in Moscow.

The negative side of close relationships in Tajikistan, as, perhaps, elsewhere in the east, is nepotism, cronyism and bribery. A special role is played by whether you have friends in the most important positions, who, if anything happens, will always come to your aid, mainly bypassing the law. But Tajiks consider this not an evil, but a blessing, since life becomes much easier, and any issue can always be settled with little bloodshed. This is the Eastern mentality. Let me give you examples:

1. When we were driving somewhere and we were stopped by the local traffic cops, the Tajik driver first of all, getting out of the car, took not the driver’s license, but the money, but this amount was usually insignificant. One got the impression that giving traffic cops money, even if you haven’t committed any offense, is a kind of tribute to the power of the traffic cops like: guys, thank you for existing, you don’t touch us drivers, and we will behave well, and For this, here is our gratitude to you. As a result, none of the drivers are indignant, but on the contrary, they thank the traffic cop. Something like gratitude for the “roof”.

2. When, due to an oversight, I did not have time to register with the local police, my Tajik quickly settled this matter. According to the law, I had to pay a considerable amount in the form of a fine, but the cost was much less.

In Russia, both cronyism and bribes also take place, but now the situation is changing. Blat no longer plays such a big role when getting, for example, a job. They intend to fight bribes (that is, corruption) at the highest level.

In short, the situation goes something like this: the further east you get from the west, the less legitimacy there is and the more importance placed on relationships.

Relationships with women

But what is most striking is the “special” attitude towards women. One gets the impression that the fight for rights

And besides, Tajiks, as Muslims, still allow polygamy. The number of wives depends on your financial capabilities. This is also a positive point that we Russians should adopt, so that there are no divorces based on adultery.

Attitude to money

The attitude towards money in our understanding is somehow irrational. Money in relationships, of course, has a price among Tajiks. However, their size is again determined by their mutual relationships.

This means that you can always agree on a price that is comfortable for you. The size of the discount will depend on how influential you are in society, and your ability to “press” the seller on your stated price. As for me, this state of affairs seemed unusual to me, and by expressing my readiness to pay the stated amount, I showed my worth.

When money comes between closer people, it already plays an intermediary role. That is, if, for example, I already owe something to my Tajik friend, I will not return it now and, most likely, not with money, but with something else.

The result is a kind of mutual responsibility: everyone strives to help each other so that sooner or later they will help you too. Great - isn't it?

Relations between nations

First of all, I am interested in the attitude towards Russians and towards their closest neighbors – the Uzbeks.

The attitude towards Russians is extremely positive. All Tajiks are absolutely pro-Russian. Consequently

The pro-Russian attitude was also expressed in the fact that most Tajiks watch Russian television, although they also have their own, which is extremely primitive.

The attitude towards Uzbeks is exactly the opposite of the attitude towards Russians. Tajiks hate Uzbeks. There is mutual enmity between them, the roots of which lie deep in their shared history. Tajiks consider themselves a more ancient ethnic group than Uzbeks. Therefore, Tajiks consider part of the territory belonging to Uzbekistan theirs, and the city of Samarkand is a purely Tajik city. The hostility is expressed in the low degree of economic integration, and in some oppression of Tajiks by the Uzbeks, and in the installation of artificial barriers to movement between the two countries. The Tajiks themselves compare their relations with the Uzbeks with the relations of Russians with Western Ukrainians: a common historical fate, but the memory of grievances that someone was once under someone else. In my opinion, this is complete nonsense, which prevents both peoples from joint prosperity. Uzbekistan needs Tajik water, and Tajikistan needs Uzbek gas. Once everything is forgotten, the Japanese “forgot” about Hiroshima and successfully began to deepen relations with America.

I will only cite the features known to me, since I have not visited other areas (for example, the east of the country), as mentioned above.

The most ancient areas are considered to be those in the north of the country. Even Alexander the Great visited here at one time with his army. In the 8th century AD, there was a developed trading civilization in Penjikent. Currently, the north of the country is considered more civilized by Tajiks. Here the traditional orders are not so rigid, and the people are more civilized. The entire intelligentsia also lives in the north of the country. The largest city in the north is Khujand (in Soviet times - Leninabad). I liked the city - everything was clean and well maintained. You can feel some kind of resort spirit. Especially in the suburb where I lived, in Chkalovsk.

The center of the country with the capital Dushanbe, it seemed to me, is more archaic than the north. And Dushanbe itself is generally a young city, which was formed at the beginning of the 20th century by merging three villages, one of which was called Dushanbe. Therefore, there is still a spirit of some kind of hillbilly there. People don’t seem to understand yet that they live in the capital, and not on the outskirts. For example, a common situation is when a woman makes a fire near a five-story residential building and sets up a grill to cook pilaf for the whole family (see photo).

Features of the political situation

Tajikistan is officially a democratic state. However, there is no trace of democracy there. Yes, there is a multi-party system. But in essence, only the current party rules, or it would be more correct to say the clan.

The lack of democracy is expressed in the absence of public criticism of the president and the absence of opposition as such.

The president of the country is Rakhmonov. He doesn’t enjoy much love among people, since there are few positive changes in the country. His only merit is that he once became the unifier of the nation when the country was torn apart by civil war.

In the country, as in other eastern countries, a soft cult of personality flourishes. There are posters of the President everywhere.

It is believed that the north of the country is inhabited mainly by the intellectual elite, while the south is inhabited only by semi-educated people. The northerners were in power for a long time. But this came to an end with the coming to power of Rakhmonov, a southerner, who had previously been the chairman of the collective farm. Thus, dissatisfaction with the existing government continues among some of the intelligentsia.

In addition, it is believed that after the civil war, only representatives of the winning side were in all key positions. And representatives of other political movements found themselves disadvantaged in their position.

So external calm is very, very conditional. If it were not for the labor migration of the bulk of the male population to Russia, the internal crisis would not have been long in coming.

It's hot in Tajikistan, VERY HOT. But the heat here is somehow special. At first you don't notice it. Well, it bakes, so what – it’s tolerable, since the climate is dry. But after a while the heat makes itself felt to the unprepared European. On the third day of my stay in Tajikistan, I suffered from sunstroke. It happened in Dushanbe: I went to see the city on my own, got off the minibus and realized that I couldn’t move any further. I really wanted to go back. Which I did with great difficulty. When I went out in the suburbs where my house was located, I forgot where it was located. And it took me great pain to wait out the heat until my Tajik friend found me. I almost died there in the heat. The worst thing is that there is no mercy from the heat anywhere, even in the shade. And upon returning to the house he fell ill, and the next day he lay in bed. Soon the situation changed - we went north, and in the north it is not as hot as in the south. In the mountains, the climate is completely gentle - just like in Moscow: sometimes the sun is shining, sometimes a cloud will roll in and it will rain. Therefore, when going on a trip to Tajikistan, you definitely need to take sunscreen with you. I took a cream with increased protection, and as a result there was no tan left on me at all.

Features of Tajik cuisine are as follows:

— Mostly everything is natural and bought at the market, although you can also buy the same sausage, but it is not found in everyday food.

— The menu is not particularly diverse, although the websites write about an incredible number of national dishes (perhaps they are simply not used all). So, for example, Tajiks usually serve shurpa (a very fatty lamb soup with vegetables) as a first course - and this is ALL of the soups (Russians have dozens of types of soups).

— All food is very filling and fatty.

— Tajiks eat often and for a long time, despite the economic difficulties in the country.

— The dishes, although simple, are very tasty.

At first, eating other national foods is even a pleasure, but after prolonged use of such food it becomes simply unbearable. I just want something more varied and less fatty. You should be careful and know when to stop.

At the same time, there are also ordinary cafes and canteens, where you will be served dishes more familiar to us, but eateries with traditional food still predominate.

- Flatbread. They are bought, if not in tons, then in dozens for sure. In Tajikistan there is simply a cult of flatbreads (see photo). Each

— Fatty meat with herbs in various versions.

— Salad of cucumbers and tomatoes (and raw - without sunflower oil).

— Pilaf, which is quite tasty.

— Shurpa is a fatty soup with meat and potatoes.

— Dairy dishes (chakki - sour and thick cottage cheese, kefir + cottage cheese - a liquid drink that is often served as a treat).

— They drink only green tea (brewed in teapots, not in glasses, like ours, and drink from bowls) without sugar. At first it’s pleasant, but then it gets so boring that you just want wild black tea from bags.

Potatoes are not as popular as they are among Russians, which gave me particular pleasure when fried potatoes turned out to be unclaimed by Tajiks when I bought them at the market.

In the house it is customary to eat sitting on the floor covered with carpets. In the eatery, traditional food is eaten on trestle beds, although there are also tables and chairs. In the cafe with European food there are only tables and chairs.

Everywhere they listen mainly to national oriental music, which is extremely melodic and with an incendiary tempo. These are Tajik performers and performers from other countries of the Middle East (Turks, Arabs). Although they also listen to our pop musicians, as well as Western ones, mainly in the north, where the order is more European.

I especially liked their music, because I have always loved any national music, if it is very temperamental and fiery (for example, Latin American music).

Features of the automotive industry

Driving on the roads

As mentioned above, the roads in Tajikistan are mostly broken down. In Russia compared to

There are no road markings. Traffic is chaotic, especially in Dushanbe. Therefore, in order not to accidentally hit someone, all drivers honk for any reason when approaching some kind of obstacle (another car or a child, from whom you can expect anything at the last moment). And when everyone starts giving a signal at once, it turns into some kind of general madhouse. One gets the impression that Tajiks are very dashing drivers, but at the same time they are very skillful in driving, trying to prevent accidents. It can be assumed that circumstances make them skilled - they have to drive on steep mountain roads most of the time. Although I once read in one post that supposedly they are not so skillful - sometimes they fall into the abyss. To be honest, when we drove along mountain roads, I drifted in places, since the distance to the cliff was reduced to almost zero.

The rules of the road are conditional, you don’t have to wear a seat belt, although traffic cops do exist, they are rare, and those that exist serve the role of collecting tribute for no reason, but the size of the tribute is small.

These are, perhaps, all the features of this interesting country. I hope my story will interest someone, and someone else will dare to go to this country for a thrilling experience.

The Downside of Migration

In Germany there are a lot of Russians in prisons, in psychiatry departments, in rehabilitation centers. Many are being treated for drug addiction. There are quite a lot of prostitutes, which is why the attitude towards compatriots here can be very peculiar in some places. I haven’t seen it myself, but they say that in methadone centers there are a lot of Russian youth, Russian guys. Germany is not a panacea for all ills; it has its own difficulties. To begin with, it is very difficult to adapt if you do not know the language. It is better to start learning the language in Russia, this will give you more time to achieve full mastery of it. Denial of citizenship to persons with a criminal record is virtually guaranteed.

Employment of Russians in Germany

In general, the process is not particularly fast. Regarding job searches, you need to look for a job very hard. The more advantages you have, the better. It's simple: according to the law, if a German citizen and someone who does not yet have citizenship are applying for the same place, even if they already have a residence permit, then the first should be given preference. Therefore, you should have your advantages, for example, European work experience, if in Germany itself, then very good, several higher educations, knowledge of several languages. Moreover, the Germans do not value crusts for the sake of crusts or polyglots in a field where this is not useful. You must clearly know why your future employer needs your second higher education, how your knowledge of Turkish will be useful to him, and so on. If a company does not work with Turkey, it does not care that you know this language. She doesn't need your knowledge for the sake of knowledge. This is good for you, because you understand more, your horizons are broader. But this gives little to the company itself.

Attitude towards Russians in Germany

I would say that initially the attitude towards every new Russian (not in terms of oligarchs, but simply towards a new person from Russia) is very wary. And this can be understood, since a lot of Germans came across our former citizens who came here with the position: abroad will help us, in this case, it will solve all our problems. Social assistance for the unemployed and those who simply do not want to work is taxes from those same working Germans. And the more people live on social benefits, the higher the taxes, the more terrible the fines for those who evade their payments, the stricter the checks. This cannot make people feel positive about those traveling to Germany.

What 13 Tajik men are talking about

“Women’s logic leaves an indelible mark on the male psyche”

Perhaps there comes a time in the life of every young man when he is ready to start a family and start a new life. Although they say that “a good deal cannot be called marriage,” the family is one of the basic institutions of society, the goal and meaning of life for most people. However, in the modern world, with the increasing emancipation of women and changing attitudes towards family, this meaning is sometimes lost. In our traditional culture, a huge amount of time and effort is devoted to forming a family; this topic is at the same time almost the most important and full of numerous gossips and at the same time, it is very rarely discussed openly. In this article I have tried to lift the curtain on this hot topic for many of my friends, and show it to you through the eyes of young people trying to cope with this challenge - each in their own way.

I will warn my dear ladies in advance that everything presented below will seem to them a very subjective opinion on only one side, with elements of male chauvinism and skepticism.

“The fullness of life’s colors lies precisely in the pluralism of views on it”

“Having lived a rather different life, I traveled halfway around the world, ran away from myself, from my family, spent a lot of time and money with worthless people around, realized the value of true friendship and family. I am not ideal, as they say, I have the image of not the best person, I have a lot of problems and difficulties. However, when it comes to marriage, I try to listen to my heart, at the same time, it is in this matter that I am increasingly worried about the opinions and expectations of others, the expectations of my parents, this is probably the most Tajik thing about me. I returned to my homeland, but it became alien to me, I’m ashamed to admit, but every time I leave it with great joy. I always wanted to marry a Tajik woman, maybe I didn’t choose the best girls - I had no luck with them, I was attracted to light and shine like a moth, but now I understand that behind the shine there was emptiness and worthlessness. You could say that, like many of my other single friends, I am now completely frustrated and on the verge of depression. Various thoughts play in my head, from the thought of the need to get married, in the hope that my life will settle down and gain meaning, to the thought of how I can spend my life with a stranger to me, a person limited in his worldview, with whom I cannot argue about expressionism and the Renaissance in architecture. But this is not the worst thing, it’s worse to be with a cold and strange person who is unable to understand you. Previously, girls spent most of their time and communication with their mothers, they were similar to them, they understood the value of the family institution, and it was easy to determine their mentality and level of upbringing based on their mother. Today they live abroad, they have numerous girlfriends, the Internet, a telephone, hundreds of friends on Odnoklassniki and VKontakte, people change, they are influenced by society, and in Dushanbe today it is, to put it mildly, not favorable.”

2. Generous, kind, but very principled man, 25 years old, single.

“I can’t understand Tajik girls. From my fairly solid experience of communicating with representatives of the opposite sex, I can say that I have come to the conclusion that it is best and safest to be alone. If it were possible to make children through cloning, this problem would largely disappear for me for a long time. Having lived abroad for a long time, I completely moved away from the everyday reality of the life of Tajik youth. I have difficulty understanding the dialect and accent spoken by modern girls in Dushanbe. Not to mention their mentality and values. And the number of possible options out of 1 million Tajiks in my age range decreases with every day that my demands grow. I believe that after marriage, a man has the opportunity to live a normal, full life for only 10 years. Since after this period, children usually appear, and the woman, with the strength given to her by nature, begins to sit on her head and firmly hold the man in one place. This can happen in a soft form, and in a brutal form, and in a wise form. This is inevitable, and even the most self-confident machos put up with it. It turns out that a man needs very little: for the person to agree to his rules and not interfere with his normal life and earnings for at least the first 10 years. However, those who agree to these conditions do not meet the criteria, and those who do do not agree. Girls see in us the modernity and progressiveness of the Western culture in which we live. However, having lived here for a long time, preserving and carefully protecting our culture, we have become more traditional, which causes misunderstanding and looks archaic for modern girls in Dushanbe. For example, I am against social networks and believe that in marriage, spouses should address each other as you. In modern conditions of Dushanbe, among educated girls from intelligent families, this causes laughter and misunderstanding.”

3. Gentle, believing in God, honest man, 26 years old, single.

“I don’t have as much experience as my comrades, but in my opinion, being popular among representatives of the opposite sex, they imagined themselves as princes, not realizing that only fake capricious princesses are drawn to princes. In my opinion, a person cannot be measured by his worldview and diplomas. There are real, quiet, reserved and largely timid girls with a big heart and a pure, unselfish soul. If you deliberately fly into the light and everything is bright, you can get burned and burn. Moreover, we must not forget that besides you, dozens of other moths burned there. Most choose their wives based on external characteristics, level of education and family origin. All this reminds me of buying a bright branded car with a luxury package, with a high maintenance cost and the risk of theft. A wife, in my opinion, should be reliable and inconspicuous, as they say in the West, the one with whom you can spend not only Friday evening, but also Saturday.”

4. Seen a lot and different things, able to survive anywhere, 28 years old, married, has a child.

“Back in 2008, before I got married, together with the author of this article, we came up with a rather interesting and vital rule, which we called the “princess syndrome”; any more or less attractive girl with no life experience who has received attention from several people suffers from it. guys, it is well illustrated by my quote: “Sad princes need princesses, but we cheerful combine operators need simple, reliable milkmaids!” Everyone is free to choose their own path, I chose mine and I can say that I am completely happy that I returned to Tajikistan, married a simple girl, am making a career and raising a son. And the memories of another life, of princesses and another unnatural world were left behind. There is today, my family and my homeland. Maybe not the best, but mine, such as it is"

5. An intelligent and reserved man with his own principles, 29 years old, married twice, has a child

“I had a great non-Tajik love in my life, it may sound trite, but it was true love, then I, the society around me, my friends and parents and everyone around me convinced me to give it up and marry a Tajik woman. Having got married in a hurry, I ran into an empty doll with a cheerful family to boot; on the very first day after the wedding, she began to behave inappropriately. It turned out that the level of perception of the world of the person with whom I was to spend my whole life was limited by my status, brands, expensive cars with memorable numbers, cheap show-offs, scandals and worthlessness. Fortunately, we said goodbye to her quickly enough. Moreover, we divorced no longer because of disagreements among ourselves, but rather because of the society around us. There were moments when I thought about loneliness as an ideal model of life for a man, then my parents suggested a candidacy and I decided to take a risk a second time...”

6. Successful businessman with a kind heart, 27 years old, married, has a child.

“I perceived marriage as a business transaction, it had to go smoothly and quickly, bring its results in 9 months and the parties had to be satisfied. Therefore, the parties had to be of the same caliber and the deal had to be mutually beneficial. All terms of the partnership are agreed upon in advance. And love is a gainful thing. Of course, it’s hard to realize that you will go to bed with this stranger for the rest of your life. But at the same time, from my own experience I was convinced that six months of abstinence can cultivate love in any person. We must not forget that you are cementing an alliance with practically a child who is not equal to you, who has no life experience and no understanding of what men are talking about. I urge our guys to be patient and understanding; sometimes you can give in to your pride and stardom in some ways, for the good of your family and a meaningful life.”

7. Cheerful and understanding, different and at home in any environment, 25 years old, married, two children.

“I lived almost my entire adult life in Dushanbe, tried to live abroad, but returned twice, I married for love and quite early, it was my choice. For me, the origin or education of a person has never been important, these are all criteria, there can be many of them, but not the most important thing. If there is no love, nothing will come of the union of criteria. I idolize the person who is next to me, she gave me two wonderful children. I'm happy. You can say that sometimes, when communicating with my peers, I think that I got married early and deprived myself of a lot, but when I hug my son, I forget about everything, including most of my friends. Any wise woman understands that a man needs freedom and the opportunity to periodically let off steam. In my opinion, today Dushanbe is experiencing a sexual revolution, complete freedom and permissiveness have appeared, the mentality of young people and girls is changing. Those who come cannot understand and follow, since they left one country and returned to a completely different one, keeping their ideas and expectations unchanged.”

8. Impulsive listener of heart impulses with a rational mindset, 24 years old, single.

“I am a complex and proud person, I have been looking for my Tajik love for more than three years, to be honest, “the further into the forest, the worse the wolves.” I’m trying to convince myself that I need to endure and make sacrifices for the sake of my children and my future family. At the same time, I live abroad and learn so much about modern Tajikistan that it makes my hair stand on end, and sometimes I realize that it is better to marry young and naive. Recently, one of the girls from Dushanbe told me that the dream of the average unmarried Dushanbe woman is, of course, a successful marriage. It turns out that there are two options for the modern dream of a prince on a white horse: usually this is a dilemma - to marry a “wealthy sucker” or a “brutal character”. Moreover, a husband is considered a “sucker” if he allows his wife to work, drive and wear any clothes. But for a “brutal character” you can only get one out of love, since you will have to endure rough treatment and beatings. Folk wisdom was added to everything: “Lokha lokh nakni, gunohash bar sari tu.” Moreover, the worst thing is that I understand that no matter how much I would like to be a “sucker,” it is more difficult to be rude, and that in our culture there is a type of women who really need “brutal characters” who, spitting nasvay, can cover with obscenities and make it clear who is boss in the house. Maybe I want a lot, but it seems to me that love and family life should bring pleasure, making our lives easier and filled with meaning. Ideally, instead of systematically raping the brain, a wife should regularly massage her head in the evenings.”

9. Sometimes thoughtful egoist, 25 years old, single.

“It’s important to me that she loves me and doesn’t stop me from loving myself. It may sound hyper-selfish, but that's my nature. Of course, I would like this person to be outwardly attractive, not deprived of education and origin, so that he would not be ashamed to go out into the world and introduce him to friends. Maybe a man needs time to mature enough to marry and devote himself to one woman. First of all, you need to figure out what you want and what you expect from marriage. And how easily this person can enter your family. No wind will be fair if you don’t know where you are sailing. You need to clearly imagine the picture in your head; the wife will not necessarily carefully and systematically brainstorm on a regular basis or will be at a great distance. It is not normal! Sometimes it seems that all men are equally unhappy with their wives, but they do not admit it, they endure it for the sake of children and maintaining harmony. They have come up with a myth that it is normal, they drink and cheat, considering this a justifiable remedy in such a situation. And women continue to rape their brains without delving into the root cause.”

10. The man said, the man did, 23 years old, married, has a child.

“A difficult choice, marriage is a big difficult step into the abyss, which is best done with your eyes closed. From the first day you realize that your life has become much more complicated. And if before the wedding there was an easy relationship in the mood, then after the wedding you need to work tirelessly on the relationship. There's no time to measure mood here. I am convinced that the younger the person who experiences all this, the easier it is for him, just like any other education. This is a great school of growing up and understanding responsibility. The language of relations between husband and wife is quite unique, especially in our culture, where a man must clearly “dot the i’s” and fully control the situation, making decisions for both. Since in our culture you marry practically a child without life experience, it turns out that you do not create an alliance with your equal, but rather adopt a child and acquire a sense of responsibility for him. Your marriage depends on how you raise him and what you explain. In such a situation, a man bears many times more responsibility, which few people are ready for, let’s be honest, which no one will consciously and soberly undertake. After all, everyone watches films and becomes emancipated, becomes clever and imagines a union with an equal person, forgetting their culture and realities. That's why they get married early - they jump into the abyss with their eyes closed. If you fully understand and realize the entire level of responsibility before the wedding, then any desire will disappear.”

11. A person striving for an ideal, 24 years old, single.

“Despite the pain and disappointment in my life, I am rather one of those who inspire themselves that a person’s happiness lies in serving people, in the happiness of all the people around him, and in order to make people happy you need to step over your selfishness and understand the needs of those around you. My whole life is a struggle with myself. Life is somewhat similar to sexual intercourse; you get much more pleasure from it if you feel what pleasure you give to others. But it is necessary to grow to this level of thinking, just as it is necessary to grow to the understanding of charity. An eternally hungry and insatiable poor man who has never seen a full plate in his life will not be able to share the treasure that has fallen on him from the sky. So it is with love - those who are deprived of it all their lives will not be able to give it and bring happiness to others unselfishly, the only way out is to learn to give love, happiness and attention unselfishly, without expecting anything in return. Then there will be more full-fledged people in this world.”

12. Virtual hero lover, 28 years old, single.

“In many ways, all this is naive, maybe even stupid. It looks like I'm following women's lead. Out of my 28 years, for more than five years I talked to only one girl, and even then only by phone. This may be funny and unimpressive, however, since we were always separated by thousands of kilometers, we got used to it. We fought, made up, fought again and got back together again, and all this happened within the framework of our virtual communication. On the one hand, long-distance relationships are something optimal in traditional Tajik realities, which are full of prohibitions, but sometimes it can reach the point of absurdity. It is no secret that in virtual communication the person on the other side of the wire or monitor can be completely different in reality. A brave, self-confident girl with an avatar from a lingerie advertisement, in real life most often turns out to be a shy gray mouse. And a modest, shy avatar “side view in Indian style” or “photo on an abstract topic” can hide a variety of people. By my calculations, I have spent more than 18 months out of the last 5 years in telephone conversations and Internet communication non-stop. After talking to one person for so long, I canceled my wedding at the last minute. Moreover, he changed his mind not spontaneously, not through the fault of anyone, but rather out of a premonition and his personal principles. Maybe in some ways I fell for the bait of “love in spite of”, since everyone was against our relationship, and the forbidden fruit is especially sweet. As a result, I continue to communicate with this same person virtually, who knows, maybe this is the only suitable communication option for us.”

13. A small man with big ambitions, 22 years old, married, two children.

“If you called yourself a Tajik, continue to be one and strive to create an alliance with a Tajik woman, you need to go to the end and be consistent in everything. You need to follow traditions in everything and not build Hollywood illusions about family life. First of all, it is necessary to find a girl of a traditional upbringing “without Hollywood in her head”, without the myth of equality, emancipation, without the habit of addressing a man as “you”, without claims to the right to vote and make decisions. You cannot be both a European and a Tajik, if you are a European, marry European women and do not create illusions about the Tajik family, since our modern girls cannot be given free rein and talk to them about equality or give them freedom, they are not used to and are not morally ready for this. Freedom can be compared to a virus; small nations died out entirely from mild viruses introduced by Europeans, since they did not develop any antibodies in their blood. Also, our society is not ready for general Westernization and freedom. Therefore, every year the number of divorces, single mothers and unfaithful wives increases.” Readers might think that most of our heroes are so tired of their relationships that they have become misogynistic. There is too much skepticism and chauvinism in some statements, but please do not judge strictly the bare thought and do not look for analogies with real life. Dear women, we love you all and cannot imagine our life without you.

News from Russia

"During these four years I have turned gray"

Lena is 15, Sasha is 14, Mile is 11, Aziz is 4.

Tajik families are filled with children. There are as many of them as God gives. God gave Sadiridin Ermatov (everyone calls him Sabir) four. True, the two eldest are not relatives, but adopted ones. These are the children of his Russian wife Marina. So Sabir became the father of many children.

Marina died in childbirth when she gave birth to the youngest - their common son Aziz.

For the sake of having his stepchildren with him, Sabir gave everything.

Five-story building without an elevator. The apartment is at the very top. I climb the stairs and think: how many kilometers of steps did Sabir measure out, going up and down with baby strollers an infinite number of times?

He was born in Tajikistan, in the city of Tursunzade, into a large family. He has five brothers and sisters. Then, in Soviet times, which he recalls with nostalgia, their house was full: “Parents kept cows, rams, geese, chickens - everything except piglets. Religion does not allow. My father is a mullah. A holy man!”

In ninety he was drafted into the army. Served in the Far Eastern Military District. In ninety-two, Sabir mobilized, but didn’t even get home: there was a war going on there.

People were running in all directions. And Sabir also ran. First to Uzbekistan, then to Turkmenistan. His agronomist diploma was no longer needed in his homeland. And then he boarded the train on which thousands of his compatriots were traveling to Russia. Sabir got off in Krasnogorsk.

He was never without work - he worked at a construction site and renovated apartments. I worked hard without days off. Every month I sent money to my relatives. We need to support the family - that's the way it is.

He met Marina by chance. That day he was taken to the police station - a routine incident for a migrant worker with a non-Slavic appearance. An hour later they released me: the documents were in perfect order.

Sabir was walking along Mira Avenue in the evening and saw a fair-haired girl who smiled back at him. He did not yet know that this meeting would change his entire destiny.

He spoke, she answered. They exchanged phone numbers and began dating. She is 26, he is 28. Marina was married, but family life did not work out. The husband drank and did not show up at home.

Sabir left for Tajikistan for a while. When he returned, Marina gave birth to Lena. And soon she admitted that she was expecting another child. Not from Sabir.

The biological father of Sasha and Lena will give them his last name and disappear from the life of the family forever. Sabir will meet Marina from the maternity hospital. He will pick up a bundle tied with ribbons. From birth, children will call Sabir dad.

Marina lived on the Lenin state farm, just outside the district. When Sabir first came to her home, he was speechless: he had never seen such devastation. Torn wallpaper, cracked frames, broken doors. For two rooms there are three families: Marina with her children, her parents, her brother and her partner. Of course, they didn’t pay for utilities. The debt was cosmic - 204 thousand rubles. They lived poorly, but cheerfully: alcohol was of no use.

In 2004, Sabir married Marina, and two years later they had a common daughter, Milya.

He still worked at construction sites: he had to support a large family. When the opportunity arose, I made repairs, changing everything that was possible. I hung new wallpaper, installed double-glazed windows, and insulated the balcony. The “killed” apartment began to shine.

In small villages, life is visible. Everyone here knows each other. The neighbors, who at first greeted Sabir warily, now repeated: “Marina is lucky, what a husband she found! He doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, everyone goes into the house!”

We all fell in love with him,” Nadezhda Petrovna, whom Sabir’s children call Baba Nadya, tells me. - Modest, neat, polite, greets everyone, treats everyone with respect. Something needs to be fixed, someone needs to be taken to the city - everything needs to go to him. Doesn't refuse anyone. When Marina's parents died one after another, he buried them properly. He still goes to the cemetery, looks after the grave, paints the fence...

We've never had anything like this before! - another neighbor at the entrance, Natalya Nikolaevna, echoes her. - What else can you say about him? He comes home from work and always goes for a walk with the children. They adore him.

...In 2012, Marina became pregnant again. When Sabir found out that they would have a fourth child, he was confused: essentially, there was nowhere to live, little money, and his job was temporary. But since Allah gave, his father taught him, he must be grateful and accept the child with joy.

“God gave, God took,” they say in Russia. Sabir doesn’t know what happened there, in the maternity hospital; no one really explained anything to him. They only said that the birth was very difficult, Marina’s blood pressure was off the charts. Aziz was born prematurely, at seven months.

My wife died in the evening, they told me only in the morning,” Sabir looks away. - At nine o’clock, representatives of the administration already came to the apartment: “You are nobody here! The children are not yours, they have a different last name. You have no citizenship, no registration. We are taking the children!” My vision went dark. These are my children, I raised them from birth. They call me dad. How can I give them away?..

The heartbroken father rushed to the maternity hospital. He was told that his wife was in the morgue and his child was in the incubator. He has increased intracranial pressure. The boy is premature, very weak, weighing only 1600 grams. We need to take care of it.

At the maternity hospital, Sabir was immediately asked to write a refusal from the child. He said: “I just lost my wife - do you want to take my child away?! I’m still alive.”

They told him: “You don’t have enough money to treat him.” "You name the amount - I'm ready!" - answered Sabir. “They won’t give you a birth certificate!” - “Why won’t they give it to me? My mother is a Russian citizen, we are registered.”

From the maternity hospital, he immediately went to the registry office and received Aziz’s birth certificate. Then Sabir found out that they wanted to adopt his child. The baby, in whose veins Russian and Tajik blood were mixed, turned out to be a sight for sore eyes: soft blond hair, Persian eyes...

Then a call at three o’clock in the morning from the maternity hospital: “Come, we called a specialist doctor for your son. We have to pay 4 thousand.” “I gave 4 and a half,” he adds after a pause.

He buried his Marina and hid his grief very deeply, to the very bottom. It was impossible to suffer and cry, it was necessary to act, because at any moment his older children could be taken away.

When Aziz was finally discharged home, he weighed only 1800 grams. So small, he fit on a tiny mattress and cried incessantly. Looking at his son, Sabir felt helpless. He has golden hands, he can do everything in the world and is not afraid of any work, but will he be able to leave this creature?

He called his younger sister Bibi from Tajikistan: “Save me!” And then all the neighbors, the entire entrance, rushed to help. Someone brought children's things, someone helped bathe the child, someone ironed the diapers... Ordinary Russian women came and took turns on duty, and Sabir does not remember a day when he was left alone with trouble. He understood: he can handle it!

All this time, he constantly thought about Sasha and Lena, who could be taken to an orphanage at any moment. Sabir did not yet have Russian citizenship, only a residence permit, and he would never have been allowed to become the adoptive father of children who also had a nominal father.

Sabir found Marina’s ex-husband and directly suggested: “Let’s resolve the issue with the children. You don’t need them anyway!” He promised to come in a week and write a waiver of the children. He promised - and disappeared. He didn’t answer the phone and didn’t call himself. Sabir filed an application to the court, which deprived the negligent father of parental rights.

Sabir took the children to Maloyaroslavets, to the family of Olesya, Marina’s cousin, who arranged temporary guardianship. He was torn between his children - his own and his adopted ones. Every week he went to visit Sasha and Lena and returned with a heavy heart: they felt bad there.

My brother and I slept together on an air mattress on the floor,” Lena recalls. “Our things were put in the barn, and every day in the cold we ran for clothes. And our relatives separated us from their children. They all sit at the table, and they give us a plate, and we eat standing up. Once dad brought us home for the weekend, and we put five spoons of sugar in our tea. Dad asked: “Don’t they feed you there?..” And one day Aunt Olesya said to me: “Lena, there is a woman in Odessa, she has two boys, they are already adults, and she really wants a girl. Will you go there?” I call my dad in tears: “They are giving me to another family! Take us away from here!” We were kicked out the door with our things...

That same day, Sabir took his elders home. I immediately took their documents to school so that they would not miss classes.

During the three months that the children lived in Maloyaroslavets, the guardianship never took an interest in them. But as soon as I brought them home and they went to school, representatives of the department arrived. They came to pick up Sasha and Lena - everything is bubbling up with him even now. - I rushed to my neighbor Natalya Nikolaevna: “Take temporary guardianship while I get Russian citizenship!”

Registration of guardianship is not an easy process; it requires time to collect documents, examine the health of the guardian, and his living conditions. If the future guardian is not a close relative, he must also undergo training at the School of Foster Parents. This has become a mandatory requirement since the fall of 2012.

Probably not everyone would agree to take on such a burden. But Natalya Nikolaevna did not hesitate for a minute. Without further ado, I began collecting the necessary documents and enrolled in the School of Foster Parents. The closest one was in Podolsk.

Sabir abandoned all his affairs so that the children could live with him. Twice a week I took the future adoptive mother to classes in Podolsk and worked on obtaining a Russian passport.

During these four years I turned gray. They kicked me around like a soccer ball. It's scary to remember what I went through. They tortured me a little,” he adds after a pause. - As soon as I became a citizen of Russia, I immediately formalized guardianship for my older children. Marina’s parents did not pay the rent, I had to pay off the debt for utilities - 204 thousand rubles. If I had not found the money, the apartment would have been taken away and the children would have been sent to an orphanage.

He gave away all his savings in twelve years. His family doesn't owe anyone anything anymore.

Recently he took Lena and Milya to his homeland in Tajikistan. Two sisters, one fair, the other dark, daughters.

Lena shows me photographs. Here she is in national Tajik attire.

In Tajikistan we were received like family! - the girl admires. - Grandma hugged me: “My beloved, my golden one!” They showed us the city and treated us to national food. I understand the Tajik language, but I didn’t need many words to feel surrounded by my family...

Lena herself learned to cook Tajik pilaf. Almost as tasty and picturesque as dad.

Recently Aunt Bibi showed me how to bake their traditional flatbreads. “Dad doesn’t have a wife, but he should have female support,” the fifteen-year-old daughter thinks in an adult way.

While my sister cooks for everyone. I made so many preparations for the winter! - he points to the rows of jars with adjika, eggplant caviar, pickles and tomatoes. “But if Bibishka goes home, Lena will have to cook,” Sabir laughs. - And I will help her.

He is not registered in this apartment. If the apartment had been privatized, he would have inherited the share after his wife’s death. You need to know Sabir: he was embarrassed to ask Marina to register him in his parents’ crowded living space. He lived with a temporary registration, which he renewed every six months.

Now the situation has changed, but the department of guardianship and trusteeship in the Leninsky district of the Moscow region is not on the side of the father with many children. Sabir lives like a bird. Permanent registration is persistently denied to him, because formally he will infringe on the rights of his children. They ask him: “What is your intention?”

What is my intention? - Sabir smiles bitterly. - I have been living here with my children for sixteen years. I can’t buy a new apartment, it costs millions. And I need to feed my family. I'm the only one with them.

I look at Sabir. He is only forty-three. Not age for a man. It's been four years since he was widowed. All periods of mourning had long passed, and, probably, he could arrange his life.

“I thought about it,” he says honestly. - You can find a woman, but for me the most important thing is that she loves my children, and then me.

Every eighth marriage with foreigners in Russia is with citizens of Tajikistan. According to public opinion polls in Russia, just two or three years ago, citizens of Ukraine, Armenia and Tajikistan were considered the most “popular” grooms for Russian women.

These data are also confirmed by statistical data, which say that in 2007-2009, representatives of these countries most often became life partners of Russian citizens. For example, out of 29 thousand marriages registered in the first six months of 2009, every eighth was with a citizen of Tajikistan.

According to sociologists, this figure is quite high, given the growing level of xenophobia and racism towards people from Central Asia in Russian society.

Experts are confident that these indicators indicate that xenophobia, which is firmly entrenched at the everyday level in Russian society, has not yet become a general ideology. In the case of personal contact and knowledge of a foreign culture and tradition, intolerance towards the so-called “strangers” fades into the background.

34 year old Marina, who gave birth to two daughters from Tajik men, decided to stay in Tajikistan forever after she decided to see her eldest daughter Alena in the southern city of Kulyab last September. But here bad news awaited her: the seven-year-old Alyona, accustomed to living with her father’s relatives, refused to return to her mother, who in Russia outside Moscow worked part-time in a canteen and was fond of alcoholic beverages. Marina made a serious decision for herself: she chose Tajikistan as her new place of residence.

She says that this decision came because she has developed good relations with the family of the father of her first daughter, where she can freely communicate with Alena, and she also values ​​​​good relations with the relatives of her second daughter from her marriage to a Tajik, who also live in Kulyab .

Having rented out an apartment in the Moscow region with the help of her aunt and received a disability pension in Tajikistan, Marina rented an apartment on the outskirts of Kulyab. She has a lot of time to communicate with local residents; she said that she has already started learning how to bake Tajik bread from her new friends:

-All the relatives of Alena, the first daughter, are very good people. I help them, they help me. I don’t want to return to Russia because women there live completely differently. They lead a wild lifestyle, drink and smoke. I myself was like this before I came here, I don’t want to go back to my past life. b, says Marina.

Alcohol and household xenophobia

Many experts, confirming Marina’s words, say that very often Russians who agree to marry Tajiks flee from addictions and alcoholism. Despite the high level of xenophobia and racism in Russian society, where anti-migrant sentiments are growing year after year, upon personal acquaintance, hostility and intolerance fade into the background. Vera Alperovich, an expert at the SOVA Center in Moscow believes that these are the features of everyday xenophobia that has become widespread in Russia recently:

- The fact that Tajik men marry Russian women, and not vice versa, is primarily due to the fact that, first of all, men apply for migration. This is also due to the fact that migrants, regardless of where they come from, are usually more active and hardworking than the local population, because their starting positions are initially much lower.

At the same time, he believes Alperovich, Due to increasing intolerance towards foreigners, especially those who have a disadvantageous social status in terms of prestige and influence, the threat that everyday xenophobia may take on the features of public ideology is very great:

- However, xenophobia has such an effect that when interpersonal connections arise, all xenophobic prejudices fall aside. I know a lot of anti-Semites who make an exception for the Jews they personally know, who say, “You are normal, and all other Jews are bastards.” A person does not make an effort to overcome these xenophobic feelings.

According to Tajiks who grew up in a multicultural atmosphere, in most cases, marriages with foreigners have a positive rather than a negative aspect. Zarina Kiyamova, daughter of a famous theater director in Tajikistan Shamsi Kiyamova and editor of the Tajikfilm film studio Lyubov Kiyamova, from childhood she grew up in an atmosphere of respect and love for Russian and Tajik culture and traditions.

- Children born in such marriages are able to absorb both cultures; they are more democratic. For example, the Turks at one time brought men and women from all over the world to bring a fresh spirit to their culture and renew the blood. So they developed very well. Problems arise when religious principles collide, when there is misunderstanding and rejection of customs and traditions.

« Very often, children in such marriages know the mother’s language more than the father’s,- she says. – To prevent children from becoming alienated from their father and his ancestors and from being cut off from their homeland, men must teach their children their native language».

At the same time, Zarina Kiyamova I am sure that when deciding to marry a representative of another nation, it is necessary to understand that in order to create a favorable atmosphere in the home, spouses need to show respect for mutual culture, traditions, religion, language and other values.

Hiromon Bakozoda, Mumin Ahmadi, RFE/RL Tajik Service

About 800 thousand Tajik migrants live and work in Russia, but little is known about their personal lives. For the last 12 years, sociologist, RIAC expert, and head of the SHARK research center in Tajikistan, Saodat Olimova, has been studying the sexual behavior of Tajiks working in Russia and its connection with the outbreak of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the republic. She told how migrants buy cheap love in Russia, why newcomers commit sexual crimes, and what to do if you work in a logging camp for a year and a half, surrounded only by men.

Sexual infections transmitted in the absence of wives

"Lenta.ru" How diverse is the sexual life of Tajik migrants in Russia?

Olimova: About 90 percent of the migrants surveyed were married, but only 5 percent took their wife with them to Russia. Another 3 percent take their wife with them for some time.

When talking about their sex life, 38 percent of respondents reported that they had not engaged in outcall sex at all; another 22 percent had sex with casual partners; 11.5 percent - with regular partners (girlfriends); 10 percent - with sex workers; 8 percent - with his wife; 6.5 percent - with kept women.

Of those who had not had sex, about five percent reported masturbation as a solution to the problem. About one percent of respondents admitted to homosexual contacts. Perhaps not everyone answered this question frankly, but I think the level of homosexual relations is still no higher than the standard four to five percent.

Photo: Vasily Shaposhnikov / Kommersant

What did those who admitted to homosexual relationships say in interviews?

There may be several options for such connections. Firstly, these may be forced contacts - like in prison. For example, in logging crews, when there are no women for a long time. We were told about a case where 62 people worked at a logging site for a year and a half, and two of them became a couple. Another option is that in large Russian cities, young guys get involved with Russian homosexuals. There are cases when they are offered good living conditions, Russian citizenship, money.

Such stories are kept in the strictest confidence, since Tajiks have a very negative attitude towards homosexuality, and migrants often come to work in teams consisting of relatives and neighbors.

Why did you decide to address the topic of migrants’ sexual lives?

The fact is that previously in Tajikistan the problem of HIV and STDs was not acute. HIV circulated among a relatively small group of drug users and was transmitted primarily by injection. But since 2002, along with the rise of labor migration to Russia, the number of registered cases of sexually transmitted infection among migrants returning from abroad has sharply increased. Practitioners began to sound the alarm, contacted the IOM and the Global Fund to Fight HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria, and they decided to conduct a study to clarify the situation. In 2010 and 2014, we did the same work again to track the dynamics.

Is the current sexual behavior of Tajik men different from what it was 15-20 years ago?

The number of people who take their wives with them has decreased slightly - from seven to five percent. Secondly, over 12 years the number of people entering into casual relationships has almost doubled. At the same time, it is surprising that the number of those who use sex services does not change over time: they are always about ten percent.

The number of marriages and long-term relationships with Russian women has decreased. In 2002, there were quite a lot of them, because people, to some extent, continued to feel like citizens of the USSR. Now Tajik migrants find themselves at the bottom of the social ladder, so it is difficult for them to find a partner for a long-term relationship. Tajik is almost a social status.

Rape is considered casual relationships

What form of commercial sex do migrants prefer?

Different. Most often, they turn to the services of “call girls” whom they invite to their place: in 2010, 52 percent of migrants who used sex services reported this. 16.4 percent of people in this group are sent to the home of a sex worker; 9 percent visit brothels; 7 percent - massage rooms; 5 percent paid female employees for sex at their workplace. The rest named saunas, “special apartments,” and cars.

I saw two examples of how sex services were organized. In one case, this happened in the center of Moscow at a construction site. There was a small trailer there, where three or four women worked - one of them was for the local management.

Usually pimps negotiate with the foreman and bring several women to the sites. Apparently, this scheme is well organized and has been in use for a long time. They change girls often - they have a lot of clients, and the working conditions are very difficult.

The second time I observed how there was a minibus at a construction site, in which girls were serving the builders. Most likely, such services are inexpensive.

Migrants who work in the transport sector pick up "shoulders" on the highways - these are girls who provide sex services to truck drivers.

What then is meant by random connections?

They are very diverse. This can be sex in the workplace, most often with the same migrant workers - Moldovans, Ukrainians, Russians, that is, internal migrants, one-day girlfriends - sex for the night. These could be female workers hired for a day or two to perform certain work in the construction and finishing of a house. Casual relationships can also happen in workshops, for example, furniture production. Migrants spend the night right at work - both women and men. That's where everything happens.

For example, Tajiks renovate country houses and dachas, and local girls come to them. People may know each other for a day or two.

Casual relationships are more typical for workers in the transport sector. These are taxi drivers, truck drivers. Among them, the proportion of those who enter into casual relationships is much higher than in other areas.

Why has this become a common occurrence?

The flow of migrants has partly changed. After the 2008 crisis, the proportion of very young people - under 25 years old - increased noticeably. They do not always think through their actions and sometimes act impulsively. Although now the share of young people is declining along with a decrease in the number of labor migrants in Russia.

Are sexual crimes included in these casual relationships?

Most likely, of this 22 percent, some may be rape. But I don’t think this is a common occurrence. Such crimes are committed - including by Tajiks - for several reasons. Firstly, these are young men without wives. They have no opportunity to find a partner, as they are often isolated from society. This marginalizes them. In the army, for example, they used to give bromine. And then all this turns into aggression.

Secondly, there are cultural differences. What is normal for Russian women is read by Tajiks as a signal of availability or even as a call. In Tajikistan, girls do not wear revealing clothes, do not engage in conversation with men, and - most importantly - do not drink with them. It takes quite a lot of time, especially for young people, for them to understand what and how is customary in Russia.

There are cases when Russian women entered into sexual relations with migrants under the influence of alcohol, or it was spontaneous sex, and the next morning she accused him of sexual violence.

Mutually beneficial sexual relationships

You have also studied the phenomenon of migrant cohabitation. What does this relationship look like?

More than 11 percent of our respondents said that they live with a friend and have a common household with her. Such stories most often begin with a business relationship: first they work together, and then somehow it turns out naturally that people rent an apartment and start living together.

Usually several couples live in one apartment - it can be three or four couples in a two-room apartment.

That is, relationships with Russian women rarely happen?

They also happen with Russian girls, but most often the “friends” of Tajik migrants are migrant women working next to them from other countries - from Ukraine, Moldova or Kazakhstan, or Russian women who come from the regions. All of them are united by a joint migrant business - construction or trade.

Is their relationship like a family relationship?

Tajiks treat these women not as wives who need to be provided for, but as equal partners and companions. Therefore, they often share the budget and treat their partner with respect. At the same time, they are not responsible for this woman. Initially, cohabitation is temporary and does not provide for the birth of children.

Condom is a shame

How do migrants feel about contraception?

70 percent of all migrants who come into contact with irregular partners (casual relationships, sex workers) use contraception. Problems arise in relationships with regular partners, because when a migrant begins to live with a girlfriend, he gradually begins to perceive her as a wife and stops using condoms. However, these unions are temporary for both him and her: the situation changes, someone leaves, a new partner appears. In such short-term relationships, the likelihood of infection increases dramatically.
Also, I'm not sure that migrants who use condoms always do so.

It turns out that women are to blame?

The connection between HIV/AIDS and migration is a common problem for the whole world. Mobility always entails an expansion of sexual relationships and their short-term duration. At the same time, people do not understand that a condom is important and not at all shameful, they do not have safe sex skills, no one taught them this. Therefore, both partners are most likely to blame, as well as states that must inform their citizens.

The work of Natalya Zotova and Victor Agadzhanyan states that among representatives of Central Asia, Tajiks use protection more often than others and are less likely to develop sexually transmitted infections. This is true?

In principle, I agree with their conclusions. The fact is that among Tajik women, women over 35 years old - either widows or divorced - almost always go to work. These are grown women - they understand what they are doing.

Of course, they try to establish long-term relationships. 40-year-old women don’t do spontaneous stupid things. But they are not always able to force their partner to use a condom and agree to its terms.

It's better not to ask your wife anything.

Among your respondents were there men who had children in Russia?

Not often, but they do happen. In this case, a whole tangle of problems appears. The migrant needs to somehow legalize this child so that he bears his last name. For example, through marriage. As a result, difficulties begin with the wife in Tajikistan, divorces and at the same time attempts to save both families in different types of marriages - official and Sharia.

Photo: Dmitry Lebedev / Kommersant

They come home and simply present their wife with a fait accompli?

They may not say. But more often they inform parents about grandchildren who have appeared in Russia, and then the information will reach the wife. Nevertheless, wives often put up with the appearance of another family.

For a Tajik woman, her husband’s departure to work abroad is a real tragedy. He is not there all the time, it is impossible to have a lover, his mother-in-law, sister-in-law and other relatives are always nearby. Wives wait for their husbands for years. If only my husband would return, at least some kind, that would be good.

He will come with children and illnesses, but will he still be welcome?

Certainly. She works from morning to evening in the field, looks after the children, and takes care of his parents. But she knows that her husband went to another country to work long and hard to provide her and her children with everything they need.

Is there some kind of male solidarity among migrants when they return home? For example, does the wife hear rumors about her husband's sexual exploits?

As far as I know, they are all silent, like partisans. Men are in approximately the same position and do not talk too much about life in migration.

At the same time, in Russian migrant groups there is usually an older, authoritative migrant who is responsible for everyone. If someone gets into trouble, gets infected with HIV or an STI, then in Tajikistan they believe that the elder is to blame for not paying attention.

When a man returns to Tajikistan, does he still have some sexual habits established in Russia?

They bring home not only money, but also new experiences of sexual relations, new ideas about what is permitted and forbidden, but the majority of them - 78 percent - return to the sociocultural norms accepted in their homeland. What happened in Russia remains in Russia. The rest, upon their return, implement the behavior patterns that have developed in Russia.

How do mothers feel about the fact that their son might cheat on his wife?

Mothers send their sons on a very dangerous and difficult journey, so all is forgiven. Extramarital affairs are something that comes with making money in another country. The general opinion is this: returning alive and with money is already good. And it’s better not to ask anything else.

It turns out that over the past 15 years, the only thing that migrants in Russia have borrowed in the intimate sphere is sexually transmitted infections?

Our research shows how sexual practices change over the years - the “rules of the game” and ethical standards that legalize previously “unacceptable” (extramarital sexual relations, consumption of forbidden foods, violations of marital behavior).

At the same time, new stable models of sexual and marital behavior of migrants are being formed as part of adaptation to Russian reality. Gradually, implicit social recognition of second marriages outside the country and a neutral attitude towards cohabitation and temporary partnerships are being formed. Thus, the boundaries of what is permitted expand and become mobile, but the orientation toward the sociocultural norms in force in the homeland remains.

Nevertheless, under the influence of large-scale labor migration, there is an implicit expansion of the range of sexual practices and relationships in Tajik society as a whole. This process is viewed by society as the destruction of traditions and a decline in morality, which is why discussions arise about polygamy, abandoned wives and children, telephone divorces, and guest marriage. From my point of view, this reflects the process of changing sexual and family and marriage ethics. It should be recognized that the sexual practices of Tajik migrants in Russia are part of the mechanism of adaptation to the conditions of migration and to the host society.

Lenta.ru expresses gratitude to the Russian International Affairs Council for its assistance in preparing the interview