Maternal love therapy by Boris Drapkin. Mom therapy, how to treat a child with love and words. Is treatment with words and love Drapkina effective?

I came across this article when my daughter was pregnant, I asked her to pronounce these words when addressing the unborn child (changing them slightly). Anyutka, however, resisted a little: how am I going to talk to my stomach, I won’t give you a peek)))) But our baby was born easily and absolutely healthy, our temperature only rose at 2 years old, when fangs started appearing. Now, at 2 years old, Kiryusha has curly hair that is already up to her paws. at one year old, she easily lifted my 0.5 kg weights and held them on her shoulders; when she was only 10 days old, I put her on her tummy, she raised her head and held it, never nodding, I was even scared - suddenly she will damage something... I think that Drapkin’s mood also contributed to this

Below is an article from the magazine, which outlines the basic program of mother therapy using the Boris Drapkin method.

Treatment with love

A unique method, based on the traditions of domestic psychotherapy, pedagogy and the experience of traditional medicine, helps mothers cope with most childhood illnesses

Little Ilyusha had a delay in speech development. It sounds so innocent - a delay. But in fact, the boy simply did not speak until he was four years old. At all! Rita didn’t take him to any number of doctors – all to no avail. Nothing serious was found in the baby, but each specialist considered it his duty to prescribe medication. At the age of five, Ilyusha finally spoke, but then a new problem came - he began to stutter. And again – doctors’ offices, a speech therapy kindergarten, a speech development center. The specialists just shrugged their shoulders and prescribed new drugs. Further - worse. When the child stuttered, convulsions occurred. Mom was simply in despair!
Nadya grew up as an active, cheerful and precocious girl. And everything would be fine if not for the traditional “sore” for modern urban children - atopic dermatitis (or neurodermatitis). What kind of specialists did parents find! We got acquainted with all known methods - from traditional antihistamines to the blood type diet. Needless to say, how much money was spent on treatment during Nadyusha’s six years! However, the improvements were so minor...

What's safe?
We can only sadly state that every year the number of children with neuroses, vegetative-vascular dystonia, stuttering, enuresis, functional diseases of internal organs, which are based on nervous factors (pathologies of the cardiovascular, digestive and respiratory systems), is growing. Unfortunately, practicing psychologists are not always able to help such children, since the treatment of many psychosomatic diseases necessarily requires medical knowledge and experience. Many preschoolers need to consult a psychiatrist, but this usually frightens parents! However, the longer a visit to a specialist is delayed, the more difficult it is to cope with the problems later. The difficulty of treating very young children also lies in the fact that they may have completely unpredictable, paradoxical reactions to medications and psychological interventions that differ from adults. So, after drinking a sedative, the baby, instead of relaxing, may suddenly become suddenly aroused. Hypnosis and extrasensory perception, which are so popular now, are also dangerous for children. What remains? If we talk about psychotherapeutic methods, then these are family and play therapy (but they are not effective in all, but only in certain situations).
And we can definitely say that his mother is absolutely safe for the child. After all, it is known that mother and baby are, up to a certain point, one whole; they have a single psycho-emotional field. And maternal intuition sometimes works wonders. A loving mother, even being very far from her child, can feel that something has happened to the baby. All this is from the realm of subtle matters, and such a community begins even before conception. How do families prepare for the birth of a child? Is he desired? Nevertheless, the mother’s attitude during pregnancy is important: what is in her blood – the chemistry of joy or depression? What happens at the time of birth? How does a mother care for her baby? The baby constantly feels the degree of community with his mother and reacts to her slightest changes. And often - precisely by illness, as if calling: pay attention to me as soon as possible, correct the mistakes! And how important it is at this moment to meet with a competent specialist!

Miracle method
Psychotherapy professor Boris Zinovievich Drapkin has been treating children for this type of illness for many years. He created a unique method based on the traditions of domestic psychotherapy and pedagogy, as well as on the experience of traditional medicine. The method takes into account the deep psycho-emotional community between mother and baby, uses the resources of maternal love and the enormous opportunities that arise during communication with the baby. “We all love children,” says Boris Zinovievich. “But, sadly, we don’t do it exactly the way the child needs.” Imagine that your baby has a reservoir inside that should always be filled with maternal love. If there is not enough, the reservoir dries up, the baby gets sick - with his body he seems to scream about his problems.”
There are several ways to replenish this “reservoir”.

Stroke the baby more often, hug, pat, fuss with him, fight - but in moderation. An attentive parent will see when the baby has enough of such physical contacts.
Look into your child’s eyes as often as possible, with love and tenderness, despite any of his antics.
But there is another way, one of the most effective - to activate the verbal, conversational method of communication. A mother’s voice is a wonderful and much-needed medicine for a baby! “We strive for the mother’s voice to become the baby’s inner voice,” emphasizes Boris Zinovievich. – The mother gives her child certain positive attitudes, influencing the baby’s entire body. This is consolidated on a conscious level and affects all the baby’s organs.”
Rita, the mother of five-year-old Ilyusha, learned about Professor Drapkin’s method quite by accident and at first was quite skeptical about it. But she was ready to do anything, just not to see the baby suffer.
“I thought it was too simple to be true,” recalls Rita. “But when, after two weeks, during which I diligently followed the technique, my son’s seizures went away, I simply could not believe it. At first I thought - I dream about improvement so much that I’m ready to see even something that doesn’t exist! But the kindergarten speech therapist, whom I did not involve in our experiments, asked: what is happening? what kind of miracles? And then I believed in this magic. We continued with redoubled zeal. After three months, most of our problems were gone.” Katya, Nadyusha’s mother, admits that at first she also didn’t really hope for success, but she thought: even if I tell my daughter once again how much I love her, it will only be beneficial. A month later, the baby’s skin began to clear up, the sores bothered her less and less, and most importantly, Nadyusha stopped paying attention to them and felt different from other children.

Diary
Another important component of the “mother’s love treatment” method is keeping a diary.
Every day you should see something new in your baby, some sprout that was previously unnoticed, albeit small, but an improvement in his condition. The past does not exist! The main thing is to live according to the “here and now” principle. There is only today, and the keen eye of a mother will surely see what changes have occurred.
At first, all this will seem like some kind of nonsense to you - you probably haven’t written diaries since childhood. And very often it turns out that at the second or third meeting with his mother, Drapkin is forced to emphasize again and again the importance of these diary entries.
Rita recalls: “At first I didn’t even really understand what was required of me. But then I found special pleasure when I wrote: “I like that Ilyusha has become like this...”, “It’s so wonderful that close people notice the baby’s successes and rejoice with us.”
And Katya remembered with pleasure how in the first year of little Nadenka’s life she recorded any significant event - the baby smiled, learned to hold her head up, went on a spree, stood on her feet, took her first steps... And now, when the little girl, it would seem, is already quite big, It turns out that during the day there are so many important moments that you want to note and stop this moment.
Most mothers who have used this method say that the child calms down before their eyes and becomes less irritable.
Improvements in physical condition come faster for some, later for others, some get rid of the problem completely, some partially. But everyone, as one, talks about that amazing feeling of reunification with the baby, thanks to which the whole atmosphere in the family changes, relationships become warmer and more trusting.
“Now I continue to use this method, because I saw: the main thing is my inner attitude towards the child,” says Rita. – It has completely changed. Now I perceive my son as he is. I am no longer annoyed by his natural childish reactions and antics, I am much calmer about many things and I see how my child changes in response to this!“
In fact, there are no particular difficulties in this wonderful method. The most important thing is to set yourself up and use the resources that are within us. mothers, laid down by Nature itself. And you will succeed!

Magazine “Liza. My child“ No. 9 for 2002

Reviewers:

Corresponding member Russian Academy of Education, Doctor of Psychology. Sciences, Professor, Head. Department of Personality Psychology, Faculty of Psychology, Moscow State University. M. V. Lomonosova A. G. Asmolov

M.: DeLi print, 2004.

Head Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Psychotherapy and Medical Psychology of the Russian Medical Academy of Postgraduate Education, Dr. med. Sciences, Professor Yu. S. Shevchenko

Drapkin B. 3.

D72 Psychotherapy with maternal love. 232 pp. ISBN 5-94343-057-1

The book by the famous psychotherapist B. Z. Drapkin is a course of lectures given for psychotherapists and psychologists, which lays out the theoretical and methodological foundations of a new direction of psychotherapy - psychotherapy with maternal love, and also discusses the general problems of child psychotherapy, the problem of establishing a diagnosis and choosing the optimal therapy for a particular child. The author of this book, perhaps for the first time, showed not only the causes of developing mental disorders, but also gave real practical ways of their prevention and treatment. He showed that one of the most important causes of mental disorders, both in children and adults, is the deprivation of a little man, a child, of mother’s love.

Much attention is paid to the treatment of stuttering, which makes this book useful and interesting for speech therapists.

The lecture style of presentation will allow specialists to understand the deep content of B. 3. Drapkin’s method in order to practically use it both in working with children and when working with adult patients.

The book is accessible and useful also to mothers (fathers, grandparents) who are interested in the good upbringing and proper development of their children.

UDC 616.89 BBK 53.57

ISBN 5-94343-057-1


© Drapkin B. 3., 2004 © DeLi print, 2004

Preface

Before us is an excellent psychotherapeutic book dedicated to solving the problems of small patients with whom psychotherapists, teachers, school and medical psychologists often encounter. It is not uncommon for these problems to develop into mental disorders (diseases) - even psychotic 1.

Unresolved in childhood, these problems continue to arise in the later, adult lives of many people. For some, they lead to the fact that a person, generally mentally sound, only occasionally experiences insufficient resistance to the demands of life, for others - to more serious disadaptation 2 spiritually. volitional, existential and other motives.

In general, these problems fit into the group of deprivation injuries. It is known that deprivation of the opportunity to satisfy needs in general and basic needs in particular is a significant etiopathogenetic factor in mental health disorders. Numerous unfavorable phenomena are known in connection with the impact of deprivation complex 3 in concentration camps, among hostages, among victims of disaster, among victims of terrorist acts, etc. (Frankl, Kempinski, observations of recent years by Moscow and Stavropol psychotherapists, etc. ).

It seems that there is a certain integral volume of deprivation, an integral deprivation load that a person can cope with throughout his life.

If this “threshold” is exceeded, the psychoadaptation mechanisms are exhausted and the person “breaks down” into a state of mental disadaptation of one type or another (neurotic, affective, Ganser, etc.).

Within the framework of the biopsychosocial approach to mental health, much of this is understandable. Yes, this threshold is largely determined by biological constitutional factors. Yes, this threshold is equally (some will say - more, some - less) significantly determined by the experience that a person begins to acquire from birth (or earlier).

Many interesting works are devoted to one or another painful consequences of bad upbringing (“overprotection”, “Cinderella”, etc.). Unfortunately, many of these works are rather descriptive in nature and are not a sufficient basis for real medical, medical and psychological benefits.

The author of this book, perhaps for the first time, showed not only the causes of developing suffering, but also gave real practical ways of their prevention and treatment. He showed that one of the most important causes of mental disorders, both in children and adults, is the deprivation of a little man, a child, of mother's love. A deficiency of maternal love is the earliest and most destructive deprivation of a child in satisfying his basic need for love, security, support from, first of all, the mother-parent, who gave him life, but was unable, for one reason or another, to give him her love .

A mother passes on to her child not only the good things that her parents passed on to her, she, unfortunately, also passes on to him the negative experience of her own development, those bad psycho-emotional influences that she received from her sort of during their own postnatal development and maturation. Entire family stories are formed, which hang over new generations of the family like the sword of Damocles.

The author gives us effective mechanisms for the prevention and treatment of developing deprivation and post-deprivation disorders with the help of the method of psychotherapy with maternal love, which is successfully used by him and his many followers and students both in pediatric practice and in relation to more adult patients.

The time has come to say a few words about a wonderful doctor and person, about the author of the book.

Boris Zinovievich Drapkin is a well-known doctor, psychiatrist and psychotherapist in our country and abroad, and is one of the most respected authorities in the field of mental health of children and adolescents. He also made a great contribution to the theory and practice of stuttering treatment. For many years, he headed the child and adolescent psychotherapeutic service of the USSR and Russia, and created the Center for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

Currently, B. Z. Drapkin works at the 6th Moscow Children's Clinical Psychiatric Hospital, lectures at the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Psychotherapy and Medical Psychology (head of the department - Professor Yu. S. Shevchenko) of the Russian Medical Academy of Postgraduate Education Min. -healthy Russian Federation.

B. 3. Drapkin is an Honorary Professor of Psychotherapy and an Honorary Member of the Professional Medical Association of Psychotherapists, Psychologists and Social Workers, and actively shares his rich and multifaceted experience with young colleagues.

The proposed book is a generalized result of a course of lectures given by professor of psychotherapy B. Z. Drapkin for psychotherapists and psychologists in 2001-2002. Currently, he continues training professional youth in our Association within the framework of the children’s and adolescent section created and led by him.

It is no coincidence that the book was written as a collection of clinical lectures, in which, along with the presentation of the theoretical and methodological foundations of the new direction of psychotherapy, one can hear the “beat of thought,” a lively debate and discussion of the problems of both child psychotherapy in general and the problems of establishing a diagnosis and choosing the optimal therapy for a particular child. The author takes the reader through the logical “circles” of his method over and over again, repeating the outline of the method and each time introducing deeper theoretical and practical content into the presentation.

We hope that this style of presentation will allow specialists to understand the deep content of B. 3. Drapkin’s method in order to practically use it in working with children and when working with adult patients.

The adopted style of presentation makes the book accessible and useful also to mothers (I think, fathers and grandparents) who are interested in the good upbringing of their children.

In conclusion, we turn to both specialists and parents.

Maternal love is a necessary condition of existence not only for the child, but also for the mother herself. The mother’s love makes the child happy and balanced, allows him to grow and mature without getting “stuck” in childhood sorrows, to prevent and promptly remove from the child many emotional overloads and deficits that can lead to deeper changes - this is also prevention, and at the same time, the formation of a general positive attitude, stability, security, and confidence of a growing person in the upcoming adult life.

Childhood should proceed against the backdrop of reliability, security, confidence that your loved ones, and above all your mom and dad, will always come to your aid.

In the process of working according to the method of maternal love psychotherapy, the process of personal improvement and development also occurs in parents. A mother who initially cannot find in herself sufficient reserves of love and care for the child or does not know how to convey this love to him, discovers that this deficiency is associated with one or another of her own problems associated with her own personal development, growing up , becoming.

When starting to work using this method, the mother has to accept that this is not for a day or two - for a long time. Don’t give up when faced with difficulties, don’t tell yourself: “Well, everything is already good, now you can take a break.”

The mother’s triple reward for this difficult work will be her child’s growing love for her, his improving health, and the mother’s own growth and improvement.

We wish specialists who are starting to work using the method of B. Z. Drapkin to deeply understand and “feel” the systematic nature of the method. Working as a psychotherapist or medical psychologist does not mean just being “good and kind”, this is only a part - a very important one! - our profession, which must be practiced competently (diagnosis, dynamics of the condition, timely involvement of other professional work). With this approach, therapy according to B. 3. Drapkin also helps with deeper mental disorders; love will help a person feel better, which means it is better to succumb to other psychotherapeutic influences, to live and grow more effectively.

But psychotherapy with maternal love is not just another virtual psychological delight. The formation of positive verbal programs, which the mother will then pass on to her child, especially in their specific part, requires a specialist to have a deep knowledge of psychopathology and pathophysiology, precise knowledge of the nature and variety of those negative signs that a sick person presents or among which the sick person lives, patterns their development (pathogenesis) and prognosis. A feature of Drapkin’s method is also the inadmissibility of suggestive prohibitions that increase internal psycho-emotional tension. Verbal influences here do not “prohibit” this or that symptom, but offer the patient a positive alternative to perceptions and attitudes. Knowledge of this law will allow a psychotherapist or psychologist to help a mother formulate a corrective verbal program for her child, allowing him to develop a new positive sense of self.

And the last consideration: despite the fact that, by its very definition, the method should act on children and adolescents (“mother’s love”), its essence is quite applicable in working with adult patients, many of whom carry with them from childhood the burden of “dissatisfaction.” "

Chief psychotherapist of the city of Moscow Yu. P. Boyko

Chairman of the Interregional Professional Medical Association of Psychotherapists, Psychologists and Social Workers A. I. Appenyansky

^ In memory of my wife Natalia Evgenievna Polyakova,

an excellent child psychiatrist and teacher

Introduction

Psychotherapeutic, psychological and therapeutic-pedagogical influence is becoming increasingly widespread and developed in the treatment and correction of children. While in psychotherapy for adults new or well-known methods and techniques are constantly appearing or modified, and their number is very large, there are few methods in psychotherapy for children. In our country, the most used for children are family, play and some variants of suggestive therapy. Psychodynamic methods, behavioral and other types of psychotherapy, widespread abroad, are not widely used in our country.

The younger the child, the more careful one should approach treatment and influence on him with psychotherapeutic, psychological and extrasensory techniques. It is necessary to take into account possible paradoxical responses associated with the physiological characteristics of childhood, the unique formation of the functional structures of the child’s brain - immature, rapidly developing and very sensitive.

Over the course of a number of years, I have developed and improved my method of effective, harmless and adequate therapeutic effects on children with neuropsychic, psychosomatic diseases, suffering from delays in physical, mental and speech development and having problems with health, learning and behavior. From my point of view, using the enormous capabilities of the mother in the process of her interaction with the child is the most promising in treating and helping children. This is due to the psycho-emotional community of mother and child, the fundamental importance of parental, and primarily maternal, love and the guiding role of the mother’s voice and speech in the health, happiness, joy and success of the child in life.

How to teach parents to help their children themselves, to promote their health and happiness? How to love a child correctly? What can you do yourself if a child is sick, has developmental delays, speaks poorly, etc.? Are medications always necessary and useful in these cases? I tried to answer these and many other questions in lectures given at the Moscow Professional Association of Psychotherapists, Medical Psychologists and Social Workers in 2001-2002.

For parents who, after reading this book, become interested in our method and want to help themselves and their children, we strongly recommend working in contact with specialists who are proficient in this technique.

I express my gratitude for the kind criticism and assistance in creating and implementing the method into practice by prof. Yu. S. Shevchenko, associate professor Yu. P. Boyko.

I express my deep gratitude to the Chairman of the Moscow City Society of Psychotherapists, Psychologists and Social Workers, Associate Professor A.I. Appenyansky, for his assistance in organizing a series of lectures and active participation in their conduct as my interlocutor and opponent in discussions. A number of statements by Alexander Ivanovich are used in the text.

I express special gratitude to Prof. E. V. Belova for the extremely hard work in editing the manuscript.

Many provisions of the method were formed in the process of joint work with clinical psychologist N.V. Gusarova.

I thank my listeners for their work in transcribing audio recordings of lectures. The work would not have happened without the help of my friends:

T. I. Panfilova and L. V. Khoptiy, who helped me in resolving many technical issues and computer processing of materials.
Lecture 1

^ METHOD OF PSYCHOTHERAPY WITH MOTHER'S LOVE AS A PART OF CHILD PSYCHOTHERAPY.

ITS FUNDAMENTALS, PRINCIPLES AND CAPABILITIES

I will introduce you to a technique that has been developed in recent years, which complements the arsenal of effective methods of child psychotherapy and is available to practical psychotherapists, doctors, psychologists and speech therapists who use psychotherapy in their work. The basis for the development of the proposed method was the following points.

First. Psychiatrists and neurologists very often feel quite helpless in the process of communicating with sick children and their parents. What was in our arsenal before? Good advice on how to improve the family situation, advice on how to communicate with your children, from the point of view of doctors, then a gentlemanly set of medications and very limited psychotherapeutic options. Why do I say this? The methods of psychoanalysis, and psychodynamic analytical therapy created on its basis, are complex, cumbersome, and one must master them very well. In addition, the final result is sometimes achieved very slowly. If we start working from childhood, the result can be obtained in adolescence or even in adulthood. It's my opinion. I am not saying that this is the ultimate truth, but over the course of almost forty years of work experience I have formed this impression.

Second. Regarding hypnotherapy, I would like to say that hypnosis in early childhood, from my point of view, should be used with caution. The child’s brain is unusually plastic, paradoxical in its reactions, and when we, having the ability to have a deep impact on a person, enter the consciousness and subconscious of a small child, it is unknown what we do there. Unfortunately, the end result is often unpredictable. In addition, children often experience fear of strangers and their actions. Therefore, hypnosis can bring completely unpredictable results. You are well aware that drug therapy often produces the same paradoxical reactions. Those who work with children know that a child sometimes responds to a sedative with even stronger agitation. And vice versa, when we give stimulants to an inhibited child, we sometimes get even deeper inhibition. Again, in these cases, the child’s brain responds unpredictably. This is why, from my point of view, drug therapy, as well as hypnosis for the treatment of children, should be treated with great caution.

Third. Play psychotherapy. Yes, undoubtedly, this is childhood psychotherapy, but its capabilities and range of influence are limited. Why? It is mainly used for neuroses, phobias 4 and mildly expressed behavioral reactions. For example, how we free a child from the fear of dogs during group exercises. First, all the children in the group draw dogs together. Then the game begins, in which some of the children pretend to be dogs, the rest - children. Groups change often: play, movement, squealing, laughter. In the process of this game, desensitization of fear occurs. And if someone else brings a live puppy, things go faster and better.

In a broad sense, the psychotherapeutic effect on

Game psychotherapy has a supportive, but not decisive effect on a variety of conditions. It is ineffective and can be used as an auxiliary method for those diseases where drug therapy is leading or other methods of psychotherapy and therapeutic pedagogy are most effective.

Fourth. Family psychotherapy. Yes, just like play, this is really childhood psychotherapy. But again, although our understanding of family psychotherapy has now expanded in connection with the work of E. Eidemiller and his group, at the same time we still do not know much. Currently, domestic family therapy mainly comes down to the fact that we find out the presence of conflict within the family and errors in upbringing, but we still do not know how to exert a deep family impact. Still, this method is good.

Fifth. There is another method that really has a great effect on young children - this is the so-called trans-objective indirect suggestion. This method is used by “grandmothers” who are very good at “charming” diseases. The placebo effect 5 is based on it, which was successfully used by Grunya Efimovna Sukhareva, the founder of child psychiatry in our country. How she prescribed medications! Parents and their children turn to her. She says: “Yes, in order to help your child, a new foreign medicine has appeared that works great, and we, of course, will provide your child with this medicine. But today we don't have it. We have already tested the first portion and received brilliant results. Please call and wait until we receive it again." A period begins when mom besieges Grunya Efimovna: whether the medicine has arrived or not. Thus, a state of expectation is built up: now a “miracle medicine” will arrive that will help us. And finally, one fine day, Grunya Efimovna says: “I must make you happy...” (I saw with my own eyes how brilliantly this works. Grunya Efimovna’s authority was completely unattainable.) “Come, the medicine has appeared!” And then the whole family comes with the child. Grunya Efimovna receives in her office. She opens the safe. There, locked under seven locks in a beautiful package, is a wonderful medicine. She carefully counts out the pills. Giving out each tablet, she says how the medicine will work: on the tenth tablet there will be this, on the twentieth - this, etc. And indeed, the results were such that one could only envy: why can’t I do this? and she can do it?! But in reality, what was it? What kind of “miracle” drug did she give? It was a vitamin in a beautiful package or some completely neutral remedy. You can give a lot of such examples. This method is adequate and works well for children and their parents.

In my practical work, I also often experienced a certain helplessness. I didn't know what to say or do. And that’s why he did what most of you do: gave general advice, wrote prescriptions, prescribed medications. Better or worse. It takes a lot of courage and authority to tell parents: “Sorry, your child does not need this or that type of treatment.” And in the process of work, I developed a need to create something that could help us. Gradually, individual moments were found that formed the basis of the technique, which I called “mother’s love therapy.” Why did he call it that? Yes, because fundamental in the development of a child - and this is not a surprise for you either - is maternal love. Without it, children cannot grow up healthy and happy.

I was once the chief children's psychotherapist of the Union and Russia. During that period, I organized a survey of orphanages. With the commission I looked at two orphanages in Moscow. The worst is at the beginning. Bad orphanage. Everything is bad: the children are dirty, unkempt. A large commission looked: there were pediatricians, ophthalmologists, psychiatrists, and speech pathologists. 94% of children turned out to be handicapped and sick. Six percent are considered relatively healthy. Then we went to a good, the best orphanage. Children are clean, beautiful, fed, and loved. Everything is fine. “Well,” we think, “everything will be fine here.” However, here too, 92% of children turned out to be handicapped. True, the level of severe conditions was lower. But still, 92% of the children were sick. This means that the social environment at this age did not play a decisive role. What was common in both groups? There were no mothers. Read English-language literature, the latest works. It says that if during the first year of life there is no mother with the child, then the mother will need at least a year and a half to make up for lost time. And if the mother has been gone for two years, then it will take more than two or three years. And if there was no mother for three years, then no matter what she did then, most likely the child would be a sociopath and have a set of various pathological disorders.

It is extremely important that there is a common psycho-emotional field between mothers and children. Now it is clear that it exists. Another thing is that while we still cannot touch it, we cannot define and measure it. Let's take everyday examples. The child is capricious, it’s not clear what’s wrong, but it turns out that the mother is sick or nervous. Everything is fine, but suddenly the mother begins to feel an incomprehensible anxiety and discomfort. What's the matter? Look for something wrong with the child.

This is an axiom: the psycho-emotional state of the mother is entirely reflected in the state of the child. Hence the slogan: dads and men, take care of moms and take care of women! And during pregnancy, do so that they feel good and calm. The slogan is wonderful, but, unfortunately, it is very difficult to implement; many dads do not understand this, they do not always want and can do it. At the last congress, St. Petersburg psychotherapists presented a very good article about the fact that not only the period of pregnancy and even not only the moment of conception, but also the mood with which mom and dad approach this issue is of great importance in the development of a child. If the child is desired, if he is expected, that’s one thing. And if the child is unexpected, unwanted or accidental, then the conception itself occurs with some damage.

Well, then everything is clear. Doctors say: pathology of pregnancy. Right. Mother is sick. From the beginning of pregnancy, mother and child live in mother’s heart. The fetus lives on mother's liver, mother's kidneys, mother's blood. And everything that the mother has, the child also has. Then, when I talk about the methodology, I will talk about this in detail. It is known that the fetus can hear. There are discrepancies: at four months he begins to hear or at five months. But the fruit hears. And his condition, his development, to some extent depend on what exactly he hears. He listens to music well. This is recommended. Sometimes it is recommended that dad talk to “mom’s belly.” It has a very good effect on the fetus, if dad, of course, speaks well. What does he hear most often? And most often he hears his mother’s voice. Right? Mom's voice is always with him. Mom is always here. What is a voice? The voice reflects the psycho-emotional state of the mother. Mom is on the rise, mom is in a good mood, everything is fine with mom, mom is smiling and her voice is joyful... What else? And she has “the chemistry of joy” in her blood. After all, behind any emotion there is also chemistry hidden. Our body is a chemical factory.

And vice versa. Mom is depressed, anxious, her voice is extinguished, and so on. What's in the blood? And in the blood there is the chemistry of anxiety and depression. This means that the fetus is anxious and depressed, just like the mother. We have not yet found how the fetus is protected from this chemistry. Mom is in a state of aggression, constantly irritated, conflicts with dad, and so on. And what does she have? And she has “aggressors”, excuse the vulgar word, aggressors are in her blood. And how is a child born? Well, at best, a neuropath. And at worst - with a powerful complex of innate aggression.

The most important moment in a child's life is childbirth. Modern life turns everything upside down. On the one hand, we all say that it is necessary or desirable to relieve pain during childbirth. On the other hand, it is common for men to say: “Give birth and suffer, but it is from God that you give birth in pain.” But the fact is that at the moment of childbirth, at the height of a special painful state, at the height of this suffering, sweet, in most cases, suffering (well, except, of course, for cases when the child is unwanted), a powerful closure of the emotional connection between the mother occurs and a child. Psychotherapeutic pain relief does not interfere with this; childbirth under anesthesia may interfere.

Then the child grows, the mother’s voice continues to sound. He hears it all the time. Then, when the child was in the womb, we talked about the chemistry of states and their exchange with the mother. And this chemistry is closely related to the emotional coloring of the voice. And when the child already exists independently, the mother’s voice still continues to influence his emotional state. Now he has his own chemical “factory” producing the same chemistry that was used during pregnancy. He's already getting ready to produce. This means that if the mother is irritated, then in addition to the direct psychogenic exogenous effect on the child’s consciousness there is also an endogenous one: the child responds with its chemistry to the mother’s state. Well, then even more seriously. The child develops, the word acquires its true meaning. He begins to understand the word, and a new stage of communication between mother and child begins: when you need to not only ensure that you correctly convey the emotional state, but also think about what you are saying. You need to think about what you are achieving in communicating with a child, whether you are making pedagogical mistakes, etc. The word is a comprehensive factor. Physically, it is a weak irritant; psychologically, it has completely unlimited possibilities for influencing consciousness, subconsciousness, and through them, the entire human body.

Thus, there are three points: psycho-emotional community, love and mother’s voice. Based on the use of these moments, I began to create my own method many years ago. The method seems simple and yet very complex. It is the whole of psychotherapy, and it produces results for everyone and in all conditions. Remember how Pushkin once exclaimed: “Oh yes Pushkin, oh yes son of a bitch!” So, one day the moment came when the same state came over me, and I said: “Oh, Drapkin, oh, son of a bitch!” This happened after one incident.

The office door opens. Mom pushes something incomprehensible: squealing, screaming, kicking. And this screaming, screaming, kicking thing flies into the office. And in my office there is a table, interesting, antique. You know that children really like to sit in houses and huts. Therefore, in a good children's psychotherapeutic office, you should always have a corner where they can crawl and hide. And this “something” flies into the office, crawls under the table and begins to make incredible sounds. This seven-year-old child was diagnosed with schizophrenia, a defective condition, at the academic center of psychiatry on Kashirka. Clinical symptoms: aggression, fears, obsession; disorder of vegetosomatic functions: does not sleep, encopresis 6, enuresis. Makes suicide attempts. But not only that, he is also trying to cause damage to those around him. Well, is there anything else in child psychiatry that this child doesn’t have? Mom is unhappy, a very good woman, very intelligent, very loving. We started working. We started in July, and already in September this boy went to public school. The positive factor was that he had good intelligence. Now he is in third grade and has no symptoms at all! All child psychiatry was, as it were, crossed out. Then I realized that, obviously, I was not living in vain. And he was finally convinced of the truth of his method.

What do you think I'm doing now? I am imposing my opinion on you. I'm doing a suggestion now. You understand perfectly well that I am now trying to baptize you into my faith. I want to inspire you so that you believe in what I say, love my method and begin to practice it with love. I do this for a reason. My experience shows that the method has very great potential. This is naturally not a panacea, but it can be successfully used for many types of borderline mental pathology, including psychosomatics and developmental delays. In the future, this will also be the prevention of drug addiction. Because this method is penetration into the subconscious, a direct path on which a child can be given a lifelong orientation. It is part of psychological defense.

Don’t think that we take a difficult child and will definitely make him healthy. But we can help everyone! Let's take the problem of oligophrenia 7 . Oligophrenia is a combined group of defective conditions, different in etiology. Some species are associated with crude organic matter or are genetically determined. But there are oligophrenias, where there is no such clear dependence. At their core lies something, at first glance, unnoticeable: the pathology of pregnancy, asphyxia, etc. Maybe some kind of disease in the first year of life. And, as a consequence, there is a delay in intellectual development. These conditions are interpreted as oligophrenia, because there is an “oligophrenic” complex. It's not bankrupt. This is still a poor man, growing gradually. So, if a mother takes on such a child, she will be able to, to a certain extent, ensure his normal development.

Many years of experience have shown that the method does not help only in one case: if we do not find a common language with the mother or the mother does not want to work. There are such cases. The main thing is that I tell my colleagues - child psychiatrists: when a child comes to you with his mother, you do not immediately prescribe him antipsychotics or tranquilizers. According to indications: dehydration, restorative - a must. But there is no need to give specific substances that have no known effect on the child’s brain. Actually, I can tell you for sure - and I hope there are some of you too - I have tried many drugs on myself. Honestly speaking, the condition - God forbid. And I would never give my child fifty percent of what we gave to other people's children. We do not know the deep changes that occur in the brain, and therefore children must be protected from this. And, for example, treating children with antibiotics must be done very carefully. They destroy intestinal flora. The smaller the child, the faster she dies. This leads to autointoxication and a whole range of neurotic, somatic and other disorders. Now many doctors are striving to use constantly emerging new, often expensive, drugs. Of course, in many cases this is necessary, for example, pneumonia with complications, but what I am saying primarily concerns psychoneurology, here it is advisable to adhere to the principle: the minimum required dose of medication and the shortest possible time for its use. After all, there are many common and a lot of folk remedies. You must learn to communicate and adjust your mother accordingly. This depends on our culture, on our experience, on our knowledge. This was a little introduction.

First, we give and master the basic version of the method - it is non-specific. It works on almost any child and helps him. Well, what's wrong with it if a mother finds a way to explain to her child that she loves him?! And then, based on what we know and on the basis of the basic program, a specific program is set for each child. In the basic program, the mother learns to work, and then she moves on to a specific individual program. The method works both individually and in small groups and in large audiences. In large classrooms, of course, work has its own characteristics.

A mother and child come to the reception. Doctors collect anamnesis, write down the status, conduct a primary diagnosis, prescribe some kind of examination, including psychological. So, you have a picture: there is a child, there are complaints and there is your idea of ​​the child. After listening to the complaints, you begin to communicate with your mother. In the process of your mother contacting you, you form a first impression about her: about her emotionality, about her attitude towards the child. All mothers are different, and their attitude towards children is different.

Psychiatrists have this, from my point of view, wrong habit - to take the child into the office separately, and then the mother separately, or vice versa. You have to take them together, then you see a lot. It is in the process of their communication at the reception that the overall impression is formed. One mother suffers in silence, her eyes are unhappy, but the child does whatever he wants. Another mother does not allow the child to lift a finger, she constantly reprimands him.

^ First stage. After the conversation, my mother and I agree:

“Mom, I must inform you that I will not treat your child with medications. But I offer you an appropriate system of work, which consists in the fact that from today or tomorrow you begin to independently work with your child according to the system that will be offered to you.” And then you outline the system: “In the process of your communication with a child, it is not so much his past that matters, but his present. Working in the present moment, we can go back for a while and immediately think about moving forward, but we must work “here and now.” There's a lot you can do. If you do not rely on me, then it is better to go to another specialist. I can only offer you joint work. We work together. You and I. Moreover, at first my role is quite authoritarian, but as you work, your importance and role will increase. And I am turning from a guiding and organizing force into your assistant and consultant, that is, I will help you, but you will do the main thing.”

In the process of getting to know your mother in detail, when you talk about maternal love, talk about the voice, talk about community, you must make sure that the mother understands everything and wants to work. And then say: “So, you and I have agreed. Let's get to work. What will the work involve? Today we are starting to work on the main basic program, which is absolutely harmless (if done correctly, it is really harmless) and will have a direct general non-specific healing guiding effect on the child. But the only thing that won’t work out for you, I can tell you in advance, I just won’t allow it, I have such opportunities...” - (remember all these phrases, you will encounter this) - “... is to make a child absolutely the way you want: obedient, as if zombied. You and I will make the child healthy, joyful, happy. But not obedient, not a performer, not a robot. Only healthy, only joyful, only capable of development.”

We must remember the general law of psychotherapy: we strive in every possible way to avoid phrases and suggestions with the particle “not”: “will not”, “should not” and so on. We try not to say this. We always talk about the positive, that good things will happen, and do not focus on the bad, that is, we set the mother up for the positive: for development, for joy and health.

Finally, you feel that mom is ready to work. Then you give mom the basic program. You say: “Mommy, now sit down, take the paper, I will dictate to you a basic program consisting of four blocks. It's like a night fairy tale. About 20-30 minutes after your child has fallen asleep. You sit down next to him and take the program. Until you learn it. You are reading it. Your hand should be next to your baby's arm or head. You can adjust to his breathing, or you can not adjust, because sometimes it’s just difficult: to follow the text and breathing. And then you read phrases according to the program - the program consists of phrases. After reading the phrase, you then mentally convey it to the child, as if putting your thought into his consciousness. Thoughts are material, you know that! Then repeat the same phrase out loud. And so you go through the entire program.”

“Our fairy tale consists of four blocks. Each phrase of the basic program has been tested and practiced on many children. And its formulation is already quite constant. It is advisable not to change the phrases of the basic program. This is a tough stereotype, please follow it.”

Working on the basic program is like a probationary period. Depending on how your mother will perceive it, how your mother will implement it, how your mother will work, you will understand whether it is worth continuing treatment. Approximately 15-20% of mothers cannot work using our method, but the rest work - and work well.

Book by famous psychotherapist B.3. Drapkina is a course of lectures given for psychotherapists and psychologists, which outlines the theoretical and methodological foundations of a new direction of psychotherapy - psychotherapy with maternal love, and also discusses the general problems of child psychotherapy, the problem of establishing a diagnosis and choosing the optimal therapy for a particular child.

The author of this book, perhaps for the first time, showed not only the causes of developing mental disorders, but also gave real practical ways of their prevention and treatment. He showed that one of the most important causes of mental disorders, both in children and adults, is the deprivation of a little man, a child, of mother's love.

Much attention is paid to the treatment of stuttering, which makes this book useful and interesting for speech therapists.

The lecture style of presentation will allow specialists to understand the in-depth content of method B.3. Drapkin in order to practically use it both when working with children and when working with adult patients.

About the author: Boris Zinovievich Drapkin is one of the most famous child psychiatrists and psychotherapists, awarded the title “Honorary Professor of Psychotherapy.” A native of Leningrad, he survived the siege, a veteran of the Great Patriotic War. B.Z. Drapkin created the country's first teenage psychiatric department. more…

The phrases that need to be pronounced are not random. Every word is thought out and tested; they cannot be changed. The basic part of suggestion, consisting of 4 blocks, is useful for any child, even the healthiest and happiest

The phrases that need to be pronounced are not random. Every word is thought out and tested; they cannot be changed. The basic part of suggestion, consisting of 4 blocks, is useful for any child, even the healthiest and happiest

The mother's voice becomes like the inner voice of the child. If the mother is always angry, irritated, and insists that the baby is not what she would like, the growing little man is given a program of failures and illnesses. And vice versa: if this voice constantly approves, supports, gives guidance for happiness and health, then all psycho-emotional processes return to normal.

1ST BLOCK

Vitamin of mother's love.

With these words, a mother pours out her love on her child:

"I love you so much. You are the dearest and dearest thing I have. You are my dear piece, my dear blood. I can not live without you. Me and daddy love you very much.”

2ND BLOCK

Installation on physical health.

For minor ailments, this “mother therapy” alone can cure without any medications:

“You are a strong, healthy, beautiful child, my boy (girl). You eat well and therefore grow and develop quickly. You have a strong, healthy heart, chest, and tummy. You move easily and beautifully. You are seasoned, you rarely get sick.”

3rd BLOCK

Focus on neuropsychic health, normal mental development.

“You are a calm boy (girl). You have good strong nerves. You are patient, you are kind, you are sociable. You are clever. Your head is developing well. You understand and remember everything well. You are always in a good mood and you like to smile. You sleep well. You fall asleep easily and quickly, you see only good dreams. You rest well when you sleep. Your speech develops well and quickly.”

4TH BLOCK - reflects folk wisdom.

Since ancient times, a mother would take a sick child, hold her close and, with her inner strength, cleanse him of illness:

“Give me your disease!”

“I take and throw away your illness and your difficulties. (Next, the mother names the child’s specific problems.)

I take and throw away your bad sleep (if the child sleeps poorly).

I take and throw away your nightmares.

I take your whininess and throw it away.

I take away and throw away your dislike for food.

(And the final phrase...) I love you very, very much.”

If the baby is seriously ill, the doctor must develop a special program for his treatment, and an individual treatment program will be added to the four basic blocks.

Say these words to your sweetly sleeping children - and they will definitely grow up healthy, smart and happy.

TIME AND PLACE

It is best to practice a new technique when the child is sleeping. He will remember very well what mom said at night.

So, 20 - 30 minutes after the baby has fallen asleep, sit down by his bed with the text in your hands and read each phrase three times: first mentally for yourself, then mentally - addressing the child, then out loud.

Do this every day: a month, two - depends on the child’s condition. Neither high fever nor other manifestations of the disease are contraindications.

But if the mother herself is not in shape - she is sick, she is nervous - it is better to cancel the session.

EXAMPLE OF A BASIC PROGRAM:

"I love you very much. You are the dearest and dearest thing I have. You are strong, healthy, beautiful. You eat well and develop well. You have a healthy heart, chest, and tummy. You move easily and beautifully. You don't catch a cold. You have strong, healthy nerves. Your intellect is developing well. You are always in a good mood, you smile often. You fall asleep easily and quickly, you see only good dreams. You have a great rest in your sleep. I love you so much!"

When starting treatment, it would be good, according to Boris Zinovievich, to get yourself a special notebook with two columns. On the right, describe all the manifestations of your child’s illness, and in the column on the left, regularly write down all the good things. For example, he began to eat better, smiles more often, made new friends...

That's all, actually.

It seems like nothing new. But the benefits are obvious. Many psychotherapists believe that adult problems (for example, a tendency to depression, neuroses) “grow” from childhood and are explained by lack of attention and love at that time. Mothers are advised to hold the baby in their arms as much as possible, touch him affectionately, and breastfeed as long as possible. Then the baby (and then the adult) will feel protected.

© Dr. Drapkin’s technique