How to survive a divorce after many years of marriage - advice from psychologists. How to survive a divorce after many years of marriage - advice from psychologists After 30 years of marriage, my husband is annoying
A person who has never been divorced in his life is very rare,” says family consultant Vyacheslav Moskvichev.
It’s true: I, Vyacheslav himself, and Kirill Khlomov, my second interlocutor, all have this experience. But it is generally accepted that marriage is always good, and divorce is always bad, and the first question that psychologists are asked on this topic is: why do people get divorced? It is clear that each couple will find their own reason or write the trivial “they don’t get along.” And yet, what exactly needs to be lost in order to, after living a common life for many years, admit: it’s all over?
By and large, there are only three reasons for which family relationships are maintained, says Kirill Khlomov. - The first is if people can enjoy it together. It doesn’t matter what: from sex, from power, from travel or joint meditation. The second reason is joint development. When one partner develops the other. Ideally, both each other. It’s bad when this development is imposed. For example, one person develops the other “into power, into publicity,” but the partner does not want this. If we consider the president’s divorce as an example, it is possible that Lyudmila Putina did not want such a “development.” And the third reason, the most common, is raising children together. But when the children grow up, the spouses have no common field of activity. And this really feels like the completion of a project: goals have been achieved, but new meanings have not been found.
Family psychologists, of course, do not advise divorce at every opportunity and even, on the contrary, call for saving the family, looking for compromises and finding common themes and values that will help develop relationships. But if it becomes clear that there are no internal resources to save the family, divorce turns out to be the best solution. Including for children.
Divorce is a civilized designation for changes in relationships, says Khlomov. - And marriage is not a way to own a person. But in our country, despite the divorce statistics, people do not know how to separate. Firstly, it is scary, and secondly, it is condemned by society. In the eyes of society, a stable marriage is a sign of a person’s decency and trustworthiness. Especially if this person occupies a high position. Thus, the reasons that keep spouses together are not internal, but external. Which sometimes creates unbearable tension in the family. And if it comes to divorce, it turns out bloody.
Crises of family life have long been described, although they are just as conventional as a midlife crisis: the first year - possible disappointment in a partner, three years - they could not establish relationships, seven years - the question of whether there are children and, if so, how they are to be decided raise, ten years - fatigue from each other has accumulated. After 20 years of marriage - the children have grown up, old age is approaching - the question is increasingly heard in my head: “Why am I really living, what am I spending my years on, of which there are not many left anymore?!” And the thought of divorce as the beginning of a new life, a new youth seems to be a solution to the problem and gives a feeling of immortality: everything can start over again. You don't have to grow old.
Vyacheslav Moskvichev names three risk factors for marriage “over 30 years”: children leaving home, financial well-being and meeting “the real one, the one I’ve been looking for all my life” - an often younger person who gives hope: life can be lived anew. That is again.
Moreover, money plays a very important role here,” Moskvichev emphasizes. - God forbid, strong material stability, and even worse - wealth, and a person thinks that he is omnipotent, can fix everything and arrange it by providing financially for his ex-wife and children. After all, in our country, marriage is also a form of survival. Especially when spouses reach retirement age and a joint pension makes it possible not to be extremely destitute in old age.
In general, “love until the grave” is a very complicated thing. There are two extreme and harmful stereotypes associated with it: fate decides everything, you need to choose “your person.” And if a marriage falls apart after 30 years, it means there was no real love. They were mistaken, therefore. Or on the contrary: any relationship can be built if you do it right. As always, the truth is in the middle: you need to build correctly and with someone with whom you can actually do it. But people change throughout their lives. And - which is actually the main reason for “age-related” divorce - they change at different speeds.
In Russia, despite all the feminist fads, it’s the man who makes a career, says Moskvichev. “But the whole family is working to implement it.” He begins to perceive himself differently, his environment, the degree of publicity, self-esteem, and self-image changes. Harshness and intolerance often appear. But the wife did not marry the boss, she knows another person. Women often show a different direction. They are looking for spirituality: yoga, church, psychology courses, personal growth. As a result, they live parallel lives, have different values and a lot of loneliness. In order to somehow correlate these changes, energy and desire are needed.
A family cannot be built on one project, says Moskvichev. - A family is more like a team with many projects and the constant creation of new ones. If after 30 years of marriage a divorce occurs, most likely this is only a fixation of what has already happened before. That is, people gradually became strangers and, most likely, lost contact a long time ago.
However, even if divorce is civil and brings the desired release for both, it is always traumatic. And it is experienced as a loss.
A spouse is not just someone who lives nearby, he is a witness of life in the smallest detail, explains Kirill Khlomov. - A person himself may not remember everything about his life as well as his companion. It all happened in reality, and the partner’s memory is like a document, like evidence. To lose it is to lose a part of yourself, even if the breakup itself will bring relief. But it is impossible to get rid of something unnecessary without losing something important. Everything has its price.
Divorce should not lead to the devaluation of the entire long experience, adds Moskvichev. - I always ask divorcing spouses: “What would you take with you?”
The problem is that high-ranking wives are unlikely to turn to a family psychologist: personal information is too closed, unless it is a foreign psychologist.
What do you think the president's divorce means for the country - in a psychological sense? - I ask Khlomov.
On the one hand, officials who maintain relationships for the sake of status may decide to divorce. On the other hand, it is possible that stupid subordinates will begin to act like monkeys and “honest actions of real men” who “consummate their marriages” with old wives will rain down like from a cornucopia.
Divorce after 30, when you are still young, is one thing, but a breakup after so many years of marriage is another, and today we will discuss this in the women’s club “Those over 30.” It would seem that thirty years of life together is quite an impressive baggage, but very often marriages break up. And in most cases, everyone feels sorry for the woman.
But, if we recall the famous quote by Faina Ranevskaya, it is clear to everyone what is hidden under even the most beautiful tail, and sometimes ex-wives do not perceive the breakup as painfully as the malicious environment would like. On the contrary, they are flourishing.
Of course, usually a woman who has lived with her husband for quite a long time thinks with fear about what will happen if they divorce. This is the rule.
And divorce after 30 years, when it seems that you have yet to meet “the right” person, is a kind of attempt for a woman to correct her mistake in time and try her luck with someone else.
It's sad that some women who are already over 50 look at life after divorce as a death sentence... Now let's talk about the reasons.
Divorce after 30 years of marriage: reasons
Let’s not even consider the banal “they didn’t get along.” Let's try to dig deeper. And by the way, this explanation is more suitable for those who have been married for much less than thirty years.
Of course, there is also such a common reason: “gray hair, …” - everyone knows the rest well. Yes, this happens too.
It seems to a man, especially if he has money, even if it’s small, that he’s like expensive cognac, only getting better with age. And he gets himself a girlfriend who is half his age. Only he doesn’t understand that she is not able to appreciate his entire “bouquet”, but only looks at the “price tag”.
If this was moonshine bottled in 1964, it is unlikely that she would have coveted such a “drink.” And we must pay tribute - many men eventually realize that living with a young woman will not be as they imagined in their dreams. If the wife does not rush into a divorce, perhaps he will return to the family. And even after the separation, when the ex-wife lives happily without him, she will begin to bite her elbows.
But here’s another question: do you need it?
Sometimes divorce after 30 years of marriage is brewing at the beginning of life together, which is impossible to break up. Parents think that they will feel better and calmer this way. They live together “for the sake of the children” - and this is the main tragedy of such families. Tension and mutual dislike are so thick in the air that it seems you can take a knife and cut this atmosphere into pieces. But now the children grow up - “the project is completed.” And people break up.
(function(w, d, n, s, t) ( w[n] = w[n] || ; w[n].push(function() ( Ya.Context.AdvManager.render(( blockId: "R-A -141708-2", renderTo: "yandex_rtb_R-A-141708-2", async: true )); )); t = d.getElementsByTagName("script"); s = d.createElement("script"); s .type = "text/javascript"; s.src = "//an.yandex.ru/system/context.js"; s.async = true; , this.document, "yandexContextAsyncCallbacks");
Quantity vs. Quality
There are people who proudly say: “My parents have been married for 30 years.” One can only be sincerely glad if they lived, as they say, in perfect harmony. And if you lived, how did you serve your time, like in prison? Then, after the end of this “period,” divorce after 30 years of such ordeals and torment becomes like release from prison. At least get a tattoo as a keepsake and have a great feast!
And all because the number of years lived does not guarantee that they have been lived well. And now we are not talking about the fact that quality means no quarrels. Correct quarrels, on the contrary, only allow you to better understand each other, and this is not a reason to give up on living together.
Something else is worse.
The spouses no longer receive, and it is possible that they never received, joint pleasure. And it's not just about regular sex. It is a myth that men are looking for him and only him on the side. Mistresses are sometimes taken in order to share some joys that the spouse considers uninteresting. By the way, the opposite situation also happens: women take lovers.
In order to save the family and prevent a breakup after 30 years together, it is necessary to lay the “foundation” at the beginning of married life. Enjoy travel, family accomplishments, or even yoga together. Just don’t force this pleasure on each other. Try to look for common ground - those pleasant things that will bring you closer together, and not provoke a wave of discontent on anyone’s part.
It also happens that in the process of family life one of the spouses “relaxes”, settles down and becomes uninteresting not only for his partner, but also for himself. It doesn't develop. And the other, on the contrary, becomes a multifaceted personality.
A conflict of worldviews and views on how everything should happen in general arises. And then divorce after 30 years of marriage seems like the right solution. But there is also a downside - perhaps the wife (or the husband helped) contributed to such development, being a reliable rear.
Of course, even today it is generally accepted that divorce is some kind of tragedy. And often what keeps people together is public opinion. Nobody wants to be judged, and although in fact an internal break has occurred, externally the family still seems to exist. And the sad thing is that a pivotal moment nevertheless comes - a “bloody” point in the relationship, “sawing” of property, scandals and tears. It’s rare that someone manages to cope with a divorce after 30 on a calm note.
For those over 30 – a club for women over 30.
yandex_partner_id = 141708; yandex_site_bg_color = "FFFFFF"; yandex_ad_format = "direct"; yandex_font_size = 1; yandex_direct_type = "vertical"; yandex_direct_limit = 2; yandex_direct_title_font_size = 3; yandex_direct_links_underline = true; yandex_direct_title_color = "990000"; yandex_direct_url_color = "333333"; yandex_direct_text_color = "000000"; yandex_direct_hover_color = "CC0000"; yandex_direct_sitelinks_color = "990000"; yandex_direct_favicon = true; yandex_no_sitelinks = false; document.write(" ");
Most often, when it comes to family life, everyone talks about crises of one, three, five and seven years. Only there are others. It’s just that, in general, not such a large percentage of families survive to them. They fall apart on previous crisis “steps” or between them. You can get a divorce after two, four, six and eight years. And generally always (((
I think it’s very sad, but no one is immune from divorce. No matter how wonderful the spouses live and no matter how long they live. I have two clear examples where a marriage collapsed after a very long life together.
Of course, there are many more examples around me. Only I undertake to talk about those where I know a lot of details: this is the family of my grandparents, and the parents of my friend.
Case one
My grandparents got married very early. He was 21, and she was 18. She barely waited until she came of age to marry him. The love was crazy, although life was not always good.
There were quarrels, scandals, joyful trips together, financial problems, moments of family unity and standing by each other like a mountain. There was insane jealousy and sweet reconciliation. In short, there was everything, but it was not boring)))
Just jokes, but it all ended 23 years later in divorce. My mother took this situation very hard, even though she was already an adult. I lived with them, but could not unite them.
Of course, when people get divorced, after having lived together for many years, there are usually several reasons for this. But there is still one, the most important one.
In the case of my grandparents, everything was simple to the point of banality and at the same time terrible. The physical passion has passed. Everything else went with her. Since they were not old people yet, the grandfather quickly found himself another woman. Grandma, in revenge, also, although not so soon, got married.
Both marriages later fell apart. But it was unrealistic to return the first family. They died alone(((And they were sad. Both. Mom saw it. The passion passed, but you still can’t throw so many years of life into the trash can!
Case two
I recently found out about my friend’s parents’ divorce. This amazed me so much! The family is intelligent. Together for more than 30 years! And then there’s the divorce.
Everything is also outrageously simple. A classmate of mine got married a year and a half ago and moved out of his parents’ house. And although he was no longer a boy, they still, to the extent of his permission, looked after him.
He left, their lives were empty. There were all sorts of things before too. I was privy to the story with the mistresses, because then it was hard for my friend to go through all this calmly, he shared it with me.
I think his mother saved the family for the sake of her only son. Although, perhaps, she loved her husband too much and forgave him.
For a year they lived as neighbors. Now they are divorced. To be honest, this really upset me. And I feel sorry for my friend, and in general for these people who, in their old age, turned out to be of no use to each other.
And thoughts creep in that if now in my personal family everything is generally good, then this is not a guarantee of anything. And one more thought: it is still impossible for spouses to be connected only by children.
Girls, do you have examples of people getting divorced after so many years of marriage?
To receive the best articles, subscribe to Alimero's pages on
Having lived together in marriage for 30 years, the spouses have every reason to celebrate their wedding anniversary in a proper manner. After all, this date confirms that their life together for such a long time became possible thanks to the true love of two people for each other. But many do not know how to celebrate this event, and for 30 years what kind of wedding should be organized for the spouses.
Children and grandchildren, as well as the heroes of the occasion themselves, can celebrate this anniversary properly by organizing a grandiose themed holiday for the whole family. But to do this, you need to get acquainted with the peculiarities of the tradition of such events, so that the holiday itself and gifts for spouses become meaningful and memorable for a long time.
In a long series of wedding-themed holidays, the 30th wedding anniversary is usually called the pearl anniversary, occupying pride of place between the silver and golden anniversaries of married life together. Such a significant event is necessarily held in the circle of family and friends and requires adherence to certain established traditions.
The organizers of the holiday must take into account the wedding ritual, which should symbolize the further prosperity of the established marital union, which should live to see its golden wedding.
Ancient and modern traditions of pearl weddings
Natural pearls have always been highly valued. It forms over many years in the sink after a grain of sand gets into it. The longer a pearl sits in the shell, the larger and more expensive it becomes. The ancient tradition of many nations considers this stone a symbol of love and fidelity.
Likewise, 30 years of marriage between a man and a woman demonstrate the strengthening of love and fidelity with each year lived together. Such an anniversary of family life symbolizes the strengthening of love and harmony, the beauty and inviolability of the family union.
According to Russian traditional wedding rituals, on this day the spouses must come to the pond in the morning and throw a pearl there. According to this custom, how long the pearls lie at the bottom, the spouses will be together.
On this day, the husband and wife must confess their love to each other in front of the mirror, holding hands tightly. It is believed that this allows not only to strengthen the family union, but also gives new strength to each of the spouses.
During a wedding banquet, according to tradition, it is necessary to put one pearl in the glasses of the newlyweds, after which they must drink and kiss while the other participants in the feast count to 30. After this, they need to break the empty glasses for good luck.
Gifts for 30th wedding anniversary
On this significant day, the heroes of the occasion should be presented with gifts bearing the image of pearls. It doesn't have to be jewelry made from this stone. The gift does not have to be expensive; it must express the most sincere feelings and wishes for happiness. When looking at such a thing, the owner should have nostalgic memories of a wonderful holiday and joyful moments lived.
Gifts for such a wedding are presented by people with varying degrees of relationship, so their cost and the gifts themselves may differ from each other.
From children
A gift from a son and daughter must definitely stand out from other offerings and symbolize the deep gratitude and love of children to the parents who gave them life and brought them into the world. The theme of the gift must be related to family life and childhood. These could be joint hikes, holidays, or just funny incidents that it will be nice for everyone to remember together and laugh again.
Children can prepare a compilation of slides with common photographs, make an amateur film from old videos dedicated to significant family events, or make a thematic photo collage dedicated to 30 years of family life together.
Along with such gifts, you can present high-quality household appliances that will make the parents’ life more comfortable, a general trip abroad, or something else that parents have long dreamed of.
From wife to husband
On this day, the husband and wife must also congratulate each other and thank each other for their love, loyalty, patience and understanding throughout their entire life together. A wife can give her beloved man a spectacular men's accessory with pearl inserts. These could be cufflinks, a tie clip, a cigarette case or a respectable accessory for your office.
From husband to wife
Without fail, the husband must also please his beloved woman with a spectacular bouquet of flowers and jewelry with pearls. You can also compose poems with a declaration of love and read them during the wedding banquet. This will become a memorable and emotionally striking moment of the organized holiday. The beloved wife will be pleased to hear once again a declaration of love made in the presence of a large number of people.
From guests
Guests invited to the banquet must present an original themed gift. This can be a home interior item in the form of a painting, mirror, box or figurine. You can present a beautiful crockery set or vase, wall clock, candlesticks or pastel linen. Even a spectacular box of expensive chocolates will be appropriate if it has an image of pearls on it.
Congratulations to the spouses
People who have faithfully and tenderly loved each other for thirty years deserve the most sincere words coming from the heart. Close relatives, friends and acquaintances should prepare original congratulations for both spouses, taking into account the degree of their closeness and the nature of the people to whom the greetings are dedicated.
The more personalized and personal the congratulations are, the more pleasant it will be for the heroes of the occasion and everyone present at this holiday. Words of love and respect can be harmoniously combined with a kind joke and wishes for long and happy years in the future.
From children
For their parents, children can prepare congratulations related to their childhood memories and various occasions in family life when their parents did something special for them. By constructing a congratulation based on a common fun or personal memory from a common life, they will be able to better express their overwhelming feelings of love for their father and mother, and demonstrate their immense respect for them.
To my husband
To her dear husband, with whom she lived together for 30 years, a wife can publicly express her love and gratitude for the years they lived together, remembering some incident from the wedding or from the time when both of them were still very young. Her speech may be short, but it must necessarily reflect a deep feeling of love and devotion to this person.
Wife
For his wife, the husband can prepare a lyrical congratulation in verses that he composed himself or borrowed from great poets. A declaration of love in poetry is always pleasant for a woman, especially after so many years of marriage.
From guests
Guests can prepare personal congratulations depending on the degree of relationship and closeness with the spouses who have lived together for 30 years. Congratulations can be written in prose or verse, choosing the most suitable options on specialized resources. Here is one example of such congratulations from guests:
30 years of family life have flown by,
But today we are not sad about this,
I wish you love,
Health, success, good luck
We really want everything today.
Be as bright, cheerful and happy
don't worry about trifles,
Always remain loved,
And warm yourself with the warmth of your souls!
Those invited can also compose their own ceremonial speech, based on incidents from the lives of the heroes of the day and their personal qualities of character. The more original congratulatory toasts there are at such a banquet, the more pleasant it will be for the spouses themselves and everyone present.
How to decorate a holiday room?
To solemnly celebrate such an anniversary of living together, you should think about the design of the room. For this, you can use a marine theme, since a pearl is born in the depths of the sea.
It is necessary to allocate a special corner for newlyweds who have lived together for 30 years, placing there their photos of different periods of life and an album for wishes. You can use white, turquoise, blue, pink, blue, yellow, gray and even black as the main colors for decorating the hall.
In the room you can hang balls and arrange figurines made from them, place arches with hearts, hang large plastic beads under pearls as garlands, install vases with flowers of suitable shades, choose suitable colored drapery for walls and tables as decoration.
How to decorate a holiday table?
Table setting is carried out in accordance with the theme of the event. Napkins and tablecloths should be laid out on it, harmoniously combined with the overall design of the banquet hall.
Shell-shaped plates can be used as serving utensils. Small bouquets on the tables will give the banquet greater significance and solemnity. You should take care of the wedding cake, which should be decorated with pearls or images of the newlyweds with the numbers 30.
When organizing such an event, you should take into account the wishes of the heroes of the occasion. It is not necessary to spend a lot of money on such an anniversary; with the right approach to organizing the celebration of such a date, you can hold a family holiday at the highest level, even with a small budget.
anonymously
My husband and I lived together for 30 years. He is 54 years old, I am 57, our son will soon be 28 years old (he lives separately). We lived together. Loved each other. In mid-February, I began to notice that he was nervous and slept fitfully. I called him in for a conversation. He said that he doesn’t love me anymore and is thinking about leaving, but he has no one, I just don’t give him the warmth and sex that he needs now. I asked him to think, I said that everything can be fixed (in December and January I had health problems, I had constant headaches, I had sex once a week, but now I was prescribed a special course of medication, and everything has improved). He promised to think about it and left at the beginning of March on a business trip to Moscow. It so happened that 13 years ago my husband, who works in a foreign company, was sent on a business trip to the UK for 2 years, and they turned into 13 years. I left my job, although at that time I earned more than my husband, sold my apartment so that I had something to live on and educate my son, became a housewife (my husband always dreamed of this), did all the routine work so that my husband could work calmly and indulge in his hobbies (he likes drawing). On March 10, when my husband was in Moscow, I accidentally (?) received on my computer his correspondence via Skype with a female psychologist from Nizhny Novgorod. There were more than 300 pages of text. I read and died for days. It turned out that they met through a dating site in mid-January. And already at the beginning of February he began to ask her to marry (she has been married for 25 years, her son is 24 years old, she is 48). I saw from the correspondence how his attitude towards me was changing. If at first there were doubts, then she inspired him that fate had brought them together on purpose, that nothing depended on them, that they had outgrown their previous partners. At the end of February, my husband already told her that out of 30 years of marriage, he was happy for only 2 years. There is a lot of talk about sex in the correspondence. They had all their first dates planned out (1st - 3 hours and no sex, 2nd - meeting at a hotel and what they would do there). My husband planned to tell me everything in September (our son’s wedding is at the end of August) and leave. However, on the same day as me, this woman’s husband also read their correspondence, and events began to snowball. My husband called me and said that he was leaving me, staying in Moscow (he has an apartment where we are all registered) and wants an immediate divorce (this woman told him that she would not be his mistress, but only his wife). I wrote terrible letters to my son, in which I explained that he had grown emotionally cold towards me, that he no longer loved me, that he needed long, intense sex, which I did not give him. Since we have a house in the UK, I insisted that he still come home. After our conversation, when I told him that I had read their correspondence, drew his attention to some inconsistencies in her stories and showed her Odnoklassniki page, where about 160 photographs of her were posted (and she repeatedly told him that she did not like to be photographed), he decided divorce according to local laws (with the consent of the spouses, you need to wait 1 year, after dividing the property). I stayed at home for a week and started the process of dividing property. I constantly kept in touch with her via Skype. She texted him every 30 minutes. It seemed like he was sitting on these conversations, like on a pin, and didn’t want to understand at all that it was very painful for me to see all this. Arriving in Moscow, he immediately took her from Nizhny Novgorod (although they did not yet have normal sexual relations). Now he is starting his life again. He left me all the property that is located in the UK (which means that I will have to deal with all issues related to the sale of the house myself), and he no longer wants to come here. I have terrible depression, I have lost 8 kg, and I cry constantly. The situation is complicated by the fact that 19 years ago he already left me. He was gone for 4 months, he lived with his parents. Then he came and said that he loved me and would never leave me again if I could forgive him. I forgave and never reminded him of it. Everything was fine... until the beginning of this year. When I asked him what about his promise, he said that it was my own fault for returning because that woman turned out to be a fool. It's very difficult with my son. He doesn’t want to see his father at the wedding, although I try to explain that the son grew up in a family where the parents loved each other and everything he has in life is also the merit of his father. I can't understand anything. What should I do? On the one hand, everything that my husband did was betrayal (especially that he abandoned him in a foreign country), on the other hand, he is a dear person to me and I love him. When I saw him off, I said that he was still my husband (before the divorce) and could come back. I'm waiting for him and this makes it even harder for me. In a week I'm going to Moscow. I need to prepare some documents. We will have to meet with him. Dear Olga Sergeevna, please advise what I should do. All my friends consider me a strong woman, but now I have turned into a tearful old woman (although before that I always looked good, younger than my years). I want him to come back, but maybe these are just vain dreams. It seems to me that he is quite happy, and my hopes only eat away at my soul. But at the same time, 30 years of life together is no joke.
Hello. You write: “Please advise what I should do.” I understand your experiences and understand your desire to get advice on what to do, but, alas! I cannot decide what you should do in this very difficult situation, because only you are the owner of your life. You want him to come back - this is very humanly understandable, very natural, because you still love him. And as long as there is hope that he can return, you will cherish it and wait for him. The fact that you cry is not bad, because tears are helpers in experiencing loss and grief. You have lost the life that you had before these events, and this loss must be mourned. Perhaps now you feel disappointment in your husband, anger at him for his betrayal, fear for the future, despair from the inability to influence the situation and make him return - all these feelings have a right to exist and must be experienced. Whether he will return or not - no one knows, but the fact that you have forever lost the image of the relationship with your husband that you had before he left is obvious. Even if he returns, your relationship with him will be different. If you feel that it is very difficult for you to cope with all these feelings alone, visit an in-person consultation. It is unlikely that a psychologist will tell you what to do in this situation, because a professional psychologist avoids giving useless advice (and there is no recipe for avoiding suffering in this situation). A psychologist will help you not to go down the path of suppressing feelings (this is fraught with psychosomatic diseases), but along the path of finding the most effective way for your health to express them. I can assume that after reading your husband’s correspondence with this woman, you have a well-founded mistrust of psychologists, but in her place there could be a woman with a completely different specialty. I regret that a representative of my profession inflicted emotional wounds on you.
