My pregnant daughter. My schoolgirl daughter is pregnant: personal experience. Pregnancy is contagious

2018-04-03 2018-04-03 Masha Burtseva My daughter is pregnant at 16

My daughter is pregnant at 16

Of course, modern youth are not at all surprised by this, but what should a mother do who was counting on her daughter going to college and further successful continuation of her adult life? Now everything has gone wrong.

Nowadays, teenage pregnancy is becoming more common. Even back when I was at school, everyone was scared of one student who showed up to class with a belly. After this there were several more similar cases, but no one was surprised, although they condemned, of course. Either such early pregnancy occurs due to the lack of sex education for adolescents, or due to disharmony in parent-child relationships. Or it all depends on the girl herself and her mind. Our heroine Irina Valentinovna has already turned to her daughter’s class teacher, her sister, and her friend, but the women’s opinions differed. Some are in favor of abortion, while others say, under no circumstances, the girl is very young and you never know what the consequences will be. Now the frustrated mother is looking to Femme for support.

“Girls, I’m in prostration... My daughter, she’s 16 years old, pregnant. Like in a fog... It’s like it’s not with me and in a dream, I couldn’t even believe what was happening at first. She has a boy, they’re dating. They were just walking, he visited us on holidays. But now it’s clear that I shouldn’t have trusted them.

A week ago she came and showed me two stripes... “Mom, don’t the tests lie?” I say they rarely lie, let’s double check. Everything was confirmed. She's in tears! She wanted to have an abortion, which scared me too, and now she’s about to give birth, but she’s constantly crying and thinking about how hard it will be. This boy suddenly disappeared somewhere. I’m in a terrible state myself, it’s unbearably difficult to make a decision! What to do with the child, I mean with the daughter? 16 years old... Very early, what a birth. On the other hand, what will the first abortion lead to? Many (though not all) gynecologists are intimidating.

What should I do? Talk to his parents? I will mentally prepare myself to give birth and raise myself, but what about my daughter? She doesn't understand anything yet. And how will things work out with your studies? My God, there are just a lot of thoughts. Little children are little troubles, and big children are already serious troubles. For some reason, my husband has withdrawn into himself and remains silent, probably ashamed, painful, worried. And he doesn’t know what to do either.”

Dear women, in whose families has this happened? What decision did you make in the end and how did everything turn out in the life of the young mother and child, if he was saved?

PS The heroine's name has been changed

Ekaterina Zhitomirskaya, one of the presenters of the first Russian-language online course for doulas, a mother of four children and an experienced grandmother, spoke about her fourth pregnancy and her first experience as a grandmother

Photo source: doula.ru

I was over forty when I suddenly realized that I was pregnant again

The reaction of family and friends was mixed. This is to put it mildly. Somehow everyone turned out to be mentally unprepared. Even ourselves. For the fourth time.

The children were morally ready. They went to a Jewish school, and there it was believed that having a baby in the family was quite normal.

Photo source: amorez.com

Is pregnancy contagious?

The eldest daughter, who had just graduated from school, responded most interestingly. She turned out to be pregnant herself. Moreover, with a period of two months longer than mine.

Photo source: static1.gophotoweb.com

This somehow calmed the public about me.

And me too. I no longer cared about my health. I monitored my daughter’s diet (and she, unlike me, had terrible toxicosis), took her to courses, persuaded her to buy “that cute dress” and took her to the pool, and also made an appointment for her to see a doctor, for an ultrasound, for tests. and made sure she went everywhere.

The days flew by, and our bellies grew. X time was approaching

And one day, returning from work and dragging two younger children in tow, I met an ambulance at home. Excuse me, but there are still two weeks before the birth!

Full disclosure, we are now transporting her to the maternity hospital,” the paramedic told me.

Photo source: pyatochkin.ru

Mom, will you come with me?

Mom, will you come with me?

I couldn’t answer “no” to this child who suddenly appeared in my modern ironic daughter, this childish “mother”.

And to all the doctors’ objections about the lack of space in the car, I sternly said:

The girl is a minor and needs a legal representative.

The doctor waved his hand: “Let's go!”

Photo source: fedpress.ru

Circus, and nothing more!

What followed was a free (much to my regret) performance for the residents of our five-story building.

On the platform near our apartment, two younger ones are staring in fear. The eldest is lying on a stretcher, and two orderlies are briskly carrying her from the fifth to the first floor, dashingly intercepting the stretcher at turns.

And then, clutching the hastily collected bags to my stomach, I waddle. And thinking:

Just don't drop it!

Photo source: blackquote.ru

The neighbors' heads stick out at every door, and the grandmothers on the benches are all listening. And they don't take their eyes off us.

Photo source: st1.diets.ru

Are you an aunt? - No, I'm a mother!

Ten minutes after arriving at the maternity hospital, a girl is born. I became a grandmother!

The midwife doesn't understand this, and neither do I. So our dialogue goes like this:

-Are you an aunt?

- No, I'm a mother!

Only later did I realize that decent grandmothers do not walk around maternity hospitals with their bellies, and I was mistaken for the older sister of the woman in labor. Well, that’s flattering.

Photo source: img1.liveinternet.ru

New life side by side

My daughter immediately joined her new life. She deftly changed diapers (no wonder she trained for a long time on my younger children), bathed the baby in herbs and breastfed without any problems.

I was a little envious - her life was full of changes every second, and mine was so lazy and calm. She is also envious - there are too many changes per unit of time, but with me everything is constant and stable...

Photo source: mamusja.ru

And we remember you!

But nothing can last forever, including pregnancy. Two days short of February 29, our boy was born. In the same maternity hospital and almost as quickly as his niece.

My daughter comes to visit me, and the same midwife recognizes her:

- You visited us recently!

— Yes, I gave birth here in December.

- And now?

- And now I’m visiting my mother...

Completely different, they grow together

Nastya and Naum. He is black, big-nosed and still senseless. She is fair, snub-nosed, smiling. They are the same size. In a month he will distill it.

They grow together. They are completely different. He is shrill, she is bassy. He is impetuous, she is neat. He is absent-minded, she is clever. He is scandalous, she is stubborn.

Photo source: img.bibo.kz

She has the neatest handwriting, his handwriting is chicken-footed. She reads the obligatory page a day, piecemeal and without any interest, at this time he is absorbed in “Legends of King Arthur”, next to him lies a list where he clumsily writes down the names of the heroes: “Genoveva is his wife.” So as not to get confused.

Photo source: c1.staticflickr.com

I thought this couldn't happen

Now I regularly hear:

Oh, and my daughter and granddaughter are the same age! Now one group is graduating from college!

We had people like that in our class! She told him: I am your aunt, you must listen to me! - And he told her: I won’t, I’m older than you!

Photo source: balance-tv.ru

At the development camps, where we have been going since we were three years old, no one understands our family ties anymore, so we are listed there simply as “these twins.”

Photo source: balance-tv.ru

Of course, in most cases, parents panic, start screaming mindlessly or lose consciousness. This is a completely wrong, one might even say disgusting, reaction. What has already happened has happened and shouting is not the solution, but a solution to the current situation must be sought.

The best place to start is to take a deep breath or take a sedative and try to talk to your daughter. It is necessary to find out whether she is sure of this, how it happened and who the father of the child is. It is important to do everything to ensure that the child makes contact, then it will be much easier to make the right decision.

If pregnancy is confirmed

If the child is really in a position, it is necessary to help her make a choice, but only help her, and not make it on her own. The daughter has the right:

• have an abortion;
• give birth to a child and raise him;
• give birth and send it to an orphanage.

Parents cannot insist on any of the options, because this is first and foremost the life of their child. But in order for a teenager to be able to determine what to do next, you need to talk to her about all the pros and cons. If such an opportunity allows, it is worth finding the child’s father and talking to him, without threats or arbitrariness, but as with an adult.

If your teenage daughter wants to give birth

Of course, most modern parents, according to statistics, suggest their daughter have an abortion. It cannot be said that their decision is right or wrong, but it is the case. But if a daughter wants to give birth, under no circumstances should she be forced to have an abortion. In the future, such a situation can only alienate the parents and the child, as well as ruin the girl’s life.

If a teenager decides to leave the child, the parents can only come to terms with it and help. To do this, you need to send your child to the register as soon as possible, where he will be looked after by medical personnel. And also be sure to visit a psychologist and undergo a course of psychological therapy.

In order for a teenager, and in the future a young mother, to achieve success and truly raise her child, she needs to be constantly supported. Sometimes parents who are faced with such a difficult situation simply cannot do this due to an excess of emotions, so a psychologist can become the best healer and mentor.

If your teenage daughter wants an abortion

If the girl is determined that she wants to have an abortion, it is imperative to consult with a gynecologist, who will give testimony and tell you whether the woman will be able to have children in the future. In addition, it is necessary to explain to the child what abortion is, what sins it entails, and what consequences may result.

If a teenager feels that he is not morally ready to raise someone and devote his life to someone, and the doctor confirms that abortion is not contraindicated, you should not make a decision for your child. Sometimes abortion is truly an option that needs to be accepted and helped to cope with.

Whatever the decision, it is important that parents do not begin to blame themselves and do not begin to think that they did not raise their child correctly. Each person has his own destiny and no one knows why this happened, it is useless to blame someone for this. The main thing is to remember that everything ends, the main thing is not to stop loving your child, no matter what happens, and then everything will be as decided from above.

Useful video

A student daughter reports an illegitimate pregnancy, and her boyfriend not only refuses to marry, but also to recognize the child as his own. Parents often think that anyone but their daughter could find themselves in such a situation. Life shows that this happens in families of completely different cultural levels, incomes and religions. Gone are the days when pregnancy before marriage and without a father was an unusual case.

We met in the gynecology department, where both, pregnant, were being preserved. Natasha already had a decent-sized belly and was carrying a boy. This was her second child. A caring father stayed with his eldest schoolgirl daughter. Non-native.

But a few years ago there was no dad, no apartment, no hope for family happiness. Natasha comes from a small village located three hours away from Nizhny Novgorod. In the capital of the Volga region, the girl studied in her last year of a pedagogical university. Natasha's parents are people with very modest incomes, living in a private house. The only thing that set them apart was that they kept pigs and chickens on the farm. Mom is a graduate of the Agricultural Institute, dad is a teacher by training, in whose footsteps Natalya wanted to follow through life.

The parents' plans for their daughter to become a teacher at school next year were ruined by the news: Natasha is pregnant, the child's father is not going to get married, and has generally broken off relations with her. The very fact that the girl turned to her parents indicates a high degree of trust. Nowadays, many young girls are afraid to go to their mom and dad for advice with their pain, preferring to “solve problems” on their own.

When Natalya told how her parents reacted to the news of her pregnancy, my mind expressed surprise, and something cozy and kind warmed up in my heart:

- What are you talking about, Natasha, we have a farm! Give birth and don’t think about anything. Let's grow! And we don’t need such a dad. We are still strong. Maybe you will have time to defend your diploma this year. We'll also get a goat.

It was not possible to quickly defend the diploma; the baby did not wait for only a few days. During the year of academic leave, Natasha met Lenochka in her parents' private house, where there was no running water, stove heating, a cold toilet and a sauna instead of a bath. And also pigs, chickens, a vegetable garden that requires tending, and a promised goat for my granddaughter.

Did Natalya somehow try to inspire the child’s father to have a relationship with his daughter? Undoubtedly. She even called his mother, to which she received an eloquent answer, which made it clear: the grandmother does not care how many girls her son has children (this is on the topic of raising boys). After unsuccessful attempts at dating, Natasha stopped awakening fatherly feelings in her former boyfriend.

She never had to become a teacher. As very often happens these days, the young mother used her communication and literacy skills in the communication salon of a well-known cellular operator. There, the Lord gave Natasha an acquaintance with a wonderful man, Alexei. He, too, was taught by life, acquiring legibility from this. Alexey was able to see in Natasha the one he had been looking for for a long time - not naive, but in such need of a man’s shoulder, protection; having gone through pain, but not embittered. Natalya and Alexey got married. After a while, they had a wonderful son, a student at an Orthodox gymnasium in the present. Six years later, another daughter. Now Natasha has a wonderful large family with her own cozy corner and frequent trips to her small homeland, to her beloved grandparents.

How would Natasha’s life have turned out if her parents had reacted differently in those days to the news of pregnancy:

“If they had reacted somehow differently, I don’t even know what would have happened.” I definitely wouldn't have an abortion. It is difficult to even imagine a situation where parents insist on killing their granddaughter. If I had been left without their support... No, I can’t imagine.

You see, it’s not that there were no reproaches from them. There was not even a hint of reproach. On the contrary, they were somehow happy. It was immediately said that we would give birth. I’m so glad now that no one forced Lenochka’s failed dad to marry me.

Natasha’s parents will always remain an example for me of how to react to their daughter’s pregnancy. It seems to me that it was the love, support and prayers of the parents that helped the close-knit family of Alexei and Natalya come together.

I know people who were never able to have children after having an abortion in their youth at the insistence of their own parents. One of my friends remained disabled forever.

Yes, a girl must maintain honor until marriage, this is clear to the Orthodox. Just not everyone. Some girls have a strange understanding of Orthodox upbringing: in their parents’ home they behave as appropriate; Studying away from home sometimes makes you want to learn more about “real life.” And the point here, probably, is not even in the defects of parental upbringing, but in the deep gap between Christian worldly life and secular life.

I believe that Orthodox upbringing is not a guarantee that the daughter will not “bring in the hem.” How we all need to be prepared for this! And how wonderful it will be if the first people a pregnant daughter turns to are her parents. After all, it may be completely different: knowing about the strict moral principles of their parents, a child who has fallen into sin may simply be afraid to ask them for support. And this can lead to dire consequences.

In such a situation, throwing sparks from the eyes and moralizing are useless. Conversations can be postponed to a later time, when the daughter is confident in the love, understanding, and support of her parents. Raging pregnancy hormones, possible toxicosis, resentment towards a man who promised so much... It’s scary to imagine what could happen to a girl if this whirlwind of emotions is met with the negativity of her parents.

There is a tradition in the Orthodox Church: when a woman becomes pregnant, then for the period while she is carrying the child, the circumstances that led to the pregnancy, no matter how sinful they may be, are considered as non-existent.

In Natalya's story, the parents did not lose faith in their daughter. In their actions, one can see with the naked eye the love that helped them come to terms with, forgive, not show it when it was hard for themselves, and sincerely rejoice at the birth of their little granddaughter.

Ekaterina Solovyova

Sorry, but I’m leaving the topic for five days - tomorrow I’m leaving on a business trip.