The main thing is not the gift, the main thing is attention! What to give if there is no money? Give a gift for free. The main thing is not a gift, the main thing is attention. Not a gift, but attention

The main thing is not the gift, the main thing is attention!

“The most ordinary trifle acquires amazing interest as soon as you begin to hide it from people”

Oscar Wilde

And how many times do we say to ourselves: “Well, next time I’ll definitely take care of gifts for the New Year/birthday/February 23rd, and so on and so forth...

The calendar is full of red dates, a reminder sounds on the phone, but we are so busy with pressing problems that we completely forget about holidays. And when we come to the hero of the occasion (it’s still good if he’s alone), blushing, we dull our eyes and mumble something unintelligible about being stuck at work, our poor memory, and that time flies so quickly that you don’t have time to notice how summer has ended and it’s already outside the window. autumn leaves are colorful...

And the most important thing is the age-old phrase that defuses the situation: “the main thing is not the gift, the main thing is attention!” And everything becomes fine - the person who did not receive the gift smiles stupidly and says something like: “Yes, of course! It’s good that you didn’t forget and congratulated him!”, and you answer him with relief: “Sorry for no gift, congratulations, I’m glad you’re not angry!”

But everything would be fine, but only last year a similar dialogue was heard. And you swore that this would not happen next time. But this happens all the time.

Every person at least once in his life justified himself with such words, and not only because he simply forgot about the holiday date and that it is customary to give gifts on such days.

And, if you can’t buy a gift, you can use your imagination and talents. And it’s best to do this collectively: songs, poems, dances - everything is at your disposal and in your power. You just need to try. And in this case, words about attention will sound more appropriate than ever. And you won’t be ashamed, and the person receiving the congratulations will be pleased, perhaps even more pleasant than from a simple gift that can be bought, wrapped, given... and that’s it, without a soul, it will be just a thing. It will lie and gather dust, or maybe they will use it, but they won’t even remember who gave it to them. And the “attentive presentation” will leave a memory and good impressions.

I have one such gift that still makes me remember myself. This story happened back in the 90s, when some people rose from their knees, opening their own business and making fortunes on the dollar in a few days, while others sank down, not knowing where to get money for tomorrow. So, it was New Year, and my mother didn’t know what to give me. After all, small children do not understand what it means when there is no money. They are looking forward to gifts under the tree and a mountain of sweets, and what was my mother to do?

The chimes struck 12, the President congratulated the Russians on the coming year, wished them all the blessings of life, and, perhaps, something else, but all this was no longer important. I was anticipating the rustling of gift paper and something unusual, something that is given only for the New Year, the only thing that was intended only for me. Under the tree there was no shiny box with a bow, no basket with delicious food, nothing... Only a black kitten turned around the corner, he was so adorable that I didn’t even have time to be upset.

His name is Dementiy (the whole family chose the name for a child according to a reference book), and he has been living with us for 14 years. He only eats fish without bones and whiskey, drinks from the tap, and insists on coming to bed under the covers. We got it for 2 kopecks, but we would not have sold it for any money. Still a member of the family!

A small miracle that each of us can create is what can truly be called a real gift. The most unusual is always before our eyes, we just don’t notice it, we’re used to not noticing it. To please a person you don’t have to be sophisticated and spend a lot of money. Gifts are an excellent custom, but it’s not for nothing that they say: “The main thing is not the gift, but the attention”!

Be attentive to people, and they will be attentive to you!

It is always very pleasant to receive gifts, but it is much more pleasant to give them! There are many psychological works, various theories and even teachings about the meaning of gifts and what they symbolize. Any relationship between people and nations has always been preceded by symbols of mutual affection and understanding. We, unfortunately, have lost this understanding due to the modern worldview, imbued with the spirit of profit and calculation. In all cultures, a gift carries a certain meaning, even flowers, which also convey a certain message and carry information about the giver. There are many superstitions associated with gifts, which we Muslims cannot believe in. For example, you cannot give a mirror - it means illness, a watch - it means an early death, handkerchiefs - it means sadness... naturally, these signs do not find any justification or confirmation in Islam. (Honestly, they gave me all this, alhamdulillah, I’m alive and well, and if handkerchiefs brought sadness, just imagine what would happen to all of us after receiving gifts at the end of the month of Ramadan).

An interesting study by the French cultural scientist Marcel Mauss, entitled “Essay on a Gift.” In his opinion, a gift is not the thing itself, but rather the person who gives it. That is, the gift contains a particle of the essence of the giver, his spiritual power. Therefore, we should remember that when choosing a gift, we seem to be giving a piece of ourselves, sharing our energy, the feelings that we experienced while choosing and presenting it.

To give the right gift, you need to think carefully about who you are going to give it to and for what purpose, that is, first of all, of course, you need to understand how correct our intention is. It all starts with intention, because it is this that determines whether giving will be good for us or whether it can turn out bad for us. You can very often hear the question in a store: “For yourself or for a gift?”; I used to naively believe that it was just a matter of whether the product needed to be put in packaging or whether a bag would be enough (since we were taking it home anyway), but no... So I once asked what the difference was, and found out that it was for a gift You can buy a cake that is not fresh, “it’s not for you to eat it,” but you can buy a thing, “What difference does it make to you, the box is beautiful, and then it’s not your problem.” It is completely incomprehensible how, having such intentions and being guided by corresponding thoughts, one can give something. In addition, the question arises “why?” It turns out that a person gives a gift selfishly, having some goals, for example, to “cajole”, bribe someone, get something in return, or, on the contrary, he is forced to give so that someone does not think or say bad things about him . Moreover, if a gift is given to some big “khakim”, then it needs to be more expensive and better, but for an ordinary person even nonsense is enough. By the way, when what we mean by an expensive gift is often wine or cognac (obviously, comments about the prohibition of alcohol are unnecessary), look at how one gift can pave the way for a person to hell.

The correct goals of a Muslim should be the following: to achieve the pleasure of the Almighty by pleasing his brother or sister in religion, to help someone in difficult times, to congratulate a person on a holiday, to relieve a person from a forgotten and unpaid debt (for the best thing for us when a debtor fails to pay a debt is donation him this money - thereby forgiveness of his debt). Gifts bring people together, they help to generate warmth and love in our hearts.

It is narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “ O Muslim women, let no neighbor neglect (anything to do good) to her neighbor, even if (we are only talking about) a sheep's hoof "(Sahih al-Bukhari, p. 615, "The Book on the Dignity of Giving and Encouraging it").

The very feeling of giving fills a person with love and kindness, it makes a person rich, while giving a gift with the hope of profit shows the limitations and inferiority of a person, and self-interest makes a person poor. And this point is very important, because Islam has always valued human generosity, true and not expecting anything in return. We are also commanded to do to our brothers what we ourselves would wish for ourselves; it is natural and right to give people pleasant gifts, which we ourselves would be happy about. You need to give something useful, pleasant, that will not offend the person, due to age, for example. Never forget to give gifts to the poor, just as you would have given to your parents. Children need to be given educational gifts (not vulgar dolls and machine guns), wives, sisters, mothers and other close women are happy even with a small candy or flower. But still, the best thing that can be given to both children and adults is knowledge about Islam, to teach the main pillars and correct reading of the Holy Quran, to give books about the biography of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), the Quran itself is an incredibly broad and beautiful gesture , even the time you spend on your loved ones is a very valuable gift.

Our people, having fallen in love with gifts and the ritual of giving, are ready to celebrate any holiday just to receive the long-awaited shiny box tied with a wonderful bow. Holidays such as Valentine's Day and many other holidays have nothing to do with Islam, moreover, their celebration is strictly prohibited. When asked “why do you need these holidays?” even men say, we want to please our wife, children, and relatives. It is not difficult to answer all these people, give gifts on Muslim holidays (Eid al-Adha and Eid al-Fitr), and also give gifts and sweets to your family every Friday, this is what the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings) teaches us, and the day of Ruzman is a weekly Muslim holiday that should be given more attention. And there is no need to look for any excuses; admit your laziness, because it is much more convenient to give a couple more gifts a year than to give something every week. This applies to both husbands and wives, because the wife may not buy something, but, for example, cook something especially tasty that the family loves; and the husband can, after Friday prayers and festive dinner, go for a walk with his family, this will unite the family and revive our great Sunnah.

Inshallah, the long-awaited month of Ramadan is approaching us, so the issue of gifts becomes especially relevant, one might say, topical. Celebrating the end of the last month of Ramadan ended for my family with a visit from relatives: saying goodbye to my uncles and presenting them with treasured handkerchiefs (which we customarily give as gifts), I learned that our now deceased, dear mentor Said Afandi (k.s.) did not approve similar gifts, that is, those that are given because it is customary, a kind of “obligation” (widespread in Dagestan). Agree, everyone knows the stories of towels, socks and handkerchiefs, which from year to year wander from one housewife to another, from one package to another. It is clear that these gifts are useless, otherwise they would not be given, so maybe we should refuse gifts that bring no joy or benefit to anyone? I really hope that you will celebrate the future holiday of Uraza Bayram without wasting the property of your husbands and fathers on ignorant adherence to adats. Give gifts, but only from the heart, without going into debt and without giving away your last savings on ill-fated towels.

The issues of gifts are all connected, as if by a thread, one reminds of the other, and here, along with the question of borrowing money, of course, the topic of gifts for matchmaking comes up. Oh, this is a sore subject, the month of March is just around the corner, everyone is running to the stores to buy gifts for newly-made brides. Recently, I have found myself in a large cosmetic store a couple of times, it’s just hysterical: women in groups of three or four people, with huge baskets in their hands, rush around the entire store, raking up everything that comes their way, accompanying all this with instructions for consultants like : “So, this will be a big deal for her, you might think we’ll take it from the castle, but we can’t do it too cheaply either, they’ll go and look at the price and say that they’re holding the money, why should I quarrel with my son later...”... What can I say, this is, at the very least, It’s very ugly, it’s disgusting to look at such a sick adherence to everything that was imposed by bourgeois society. In addition, this is also a lie, who is to be deceived, if a person does not want to give, then let him not give, and if there is no money, then there is no need to borrow (a debt that will then have to be repaid for a long time and painfully, subsisting from bread to water). After all, our grandmothers did not previously have expensive sets of linen and dishes, baskets with so many sweets that could feed many poor people. The best gift for matchmaking is the very fact of cementing the promise of marriage, since there is no greater joy for young people than entering into a legal marriage (they don’t get married for the sake of gifts).

To all of the above, it should be added that valuable gifts, that is, those that cannot be eaten, for example, jewelry, dishes, etc., are not advisable to be presented before the wedding. There is great wisdom in this, because if the engagement is suddenly terminated, then the meeting with the return of gifts is very painful for both parties. Unfortunately, there are many such cases when, for example, in addition to jewelry, the other gifts that cost people so much are not returned to the bride or groom’s side that they then cannot forget it and talk about it at every turn.

Since we are talking about engagement, a reminder about the wedding would not be out of place. Upon marriage, the bride is paid “mahr”, a wedding gift, the price of which it is advisable not to overpay or underpay (from 34 to 1700 grams of silver). “It should be noted that the identification of mahr with kalym, which is a bride price paid to her family, is erroneous. Due to its external resemblance to mahr, bridewealth, which is a relic of ancient customs, was preserved among many peoples even after the adoption of Islam. Mahr belongs only to the wife, and its payment is a mandatory condition for the husband” (book “Gift for the Newlyweds”, p. 28, Chapter 5 “Mahr”). That is, firstly, one should not be confused with one another, and, secondly, one should not overpay when buying kilogram gold chains studded with countless stones. I’m not sure about the correctness of using the word “show-off” in the context of the question of Islam, but still, it’s time for us to get rid of this shameful phenomenon that makes people laugh. We must try to revive the wonderful adats of respect for elders and modesty, and not such mutated relics.

We all know the expression: “It’s not a gift that’s precious, it’s attention that’s precious,” let’s not forget about this, let’s try to make our thoughts pure, then any gift, even the smallest one, will bring, inshallah, great joy and barakat.

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