How to separate after 15 years of marriage. How to survive a divorce after many years of marriage - advice from psychologists. Congratulations on your crystal wedding

Currently, family psychology and relationship psychology draw our attention to the presence of crises in the lives of people who love each other.

It is no secret that every couple has periods when it seems that everything is smooth and good, but if you look closely at the edges of what is happening, then something will not work out or even fall apart.

You suddenly begin to notice all your partner’s shortcomings: loud stomping around the apartment, arms and legs spread wide on the bed while sleeping, a crumpled wet towel on a chair in the room, a long time getting ready for a walk, etc. - everything that didn’t bother you and amused you before seems unbearable today.

You start calling your friends, complaining about your own irritability, mentioning the power of habit in relationships, getting confused in your words, not knowing what you want; then you slowly wander home, every now and then, asking yourself the question: “What to do next?”

STOP! STOP TORTUREING YOURSELF, YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR SECOND HALF WITH YOUR OWN IRRITABILITY AND COLD LOOK.

Firstly, you should know that all couples, without exception, experience such crises in relationships. Even your mom and dad, who have been together for 25 years and love each other, have also encountered this more than once.

For reference: it is important to remember that a crisis always gives rise to contradictions (from a revaluation of one’s own values ​​to a radical new look at the way of life), experiencing one’s own crisis (for example, middle age) is not easy, and even if two people are in this state, then maintaining and strengthening relationships will require a lot of time, effort, patience, mutual respect, love and help to each other.

In addition, during periods of crisis, many new interesting views on your relationship are born. This is similar to the saying: “Truth is born in dispute.”

Everything that you take away from a difficult crisis period allows you to get to know and understand each other better, you begin to treat your partner more carefully.

And one more thing... Everything has its beginning and its end (this also applies to crises) - therefore, if you remember this simple truth, then difficulties are endured much easier.

So, we highlight several of the most serious crisis periods in the life of each couple. Let's look at them:

• first year crisis- as a rule, begins after 6 months of the couple’s existence. This period is especially aggravated if the couple begins to live together and makes their first attempts at arranging a common life.

Features of manifestation: it begins to seem to you that romance is being replaced by ordinary everyday life, the “everyday life” prevails over the “rose-colored glasses”. You observe some behavioral features and habits of your other half that you could not even imagine (for example, he never washes the dishes after himself or , in fact, he sleeps with a pillow on his head and chatters his teeth in his sleep). During the first year of marriage, couples have to find a lot of compromises. If you are ready for a calm discussion of exciting issues and contradictions, then your relationship will develop its own norms.

Interesting: During the first year of life, 90% of couples break up.

Conclusion: be among the 10% :)

Having learned this simple truth, it will become easier to endure any difficulties. Understanding that a crisis is an objective thing helps to change the focus of vision: you are not bad or he is bad, this is a period and all couples, without exception, experience it.

It is crises that show the “margin of strength” of relationships. A crisis reveals all your weak points (what you fight about) and all your strengths (what helps you solve problems).

I hope you were able to understand the conventional classification of crisis periods in relationships. Now I suggest you familiarize yourself with a number of useful tips that will help you cope with difficult stages in your life together:

• self-esteem— instead of looking for negativity in your partner’s behavior or in what has become of your relationship; pay attention to yourself.

Great sex strengthens relationships, allows you to look at your loved one from a special, very intimate side, brings you closer and helps solve, and possibly eliminate, most of the problems (excessive grumpiness, distance from each other, dissatisfaction with untidy socks, irritation from an empty refrigerator and etc.).

All rights reserved. Any use of site materials is carried out only with the permission of the author.

Source:
How to survive a relationship crisis
Currently, family psychology and relationship psychology draw our attention to the presence of crises in the lives of people who love each other. It's no secret that every couple has periods
http://www.love-smart.ru/657/

How to overcome crises in family life: 3, 5, 7, 14 and 25 years of marriage

Both the psychology of an individual and the psychology of marriage are characterized by crisis states. Are crises in family life natural stages in the development of relationships or a sign of imbalanced relationships?

“Before, we lived soul to soul all our lives, but didn’t know grief,” some conservative readers will say. They will say it, and they will not be mistaken. Indeed, family relationships just a few generations ago were enormously different from today. It is the archaic idea of ​​family that can become the first barrier preventing one from overcoming the crisis.

Why were marriages so strong before? The answer lies directly in the world around us, and specifically in society. Primitive man needed a warm hearth and care. A little later, the position of a woman as the keeper of the home nest strengthened: men were primarily engaged in physical labor and war. But there are no living memories of this period in the mass consciousness. Many people still draw their idea of ​​a happy family life from the 18th-19th centuries. This happens, first of all, due to the living example of our grandparents (great-grandparents) and, oddly enough, the school course in classical literature. This is where the idea of ​​large and friendly families comes from, where everyone plays “their” roles.

Since the 50s of the twentieth century, human civilization has changed dramatically. Family relationships also underwent metamorphosis. The rapid development of the economy (both in the West and in the USSR) provoked a demand for female labor: now the woman became financially independent. The emerging consumer society looked at the union of a man and a woman in a completely different way: cohabitation without marriage, premarital sexual relations and divorce became normal. Despite easy and cheap access to material goods, people have become more susceptible to stress and depression. Recessions in family relationships have also become more tense, because it is no longer customary to hide one’s emotions and desires.

Crisis of 1 year of family life or crisis of the birth of marriage

The first problems begin for the young unit of society after a year of living together. Emotionally, newlyweds are still very attached to their parents; the child-parent behavior pattern is still active in their thinking system. In their behavior, young people still subconsciously copy the manner of their parents.

For example, Olya’s mother was the leader in the family. Her husband Oleg is the father. Naturally, the young wife views Oleg’s attempts to lead as suppression of her personality. Oleg, in turn, perceives the independence of his other half as disrespect for himself and Olya’s unwillingness to live in marriage.

The crisis of the first year of family life can be easily resolved with a high level of mutual awareness of the couple. Young people, starting a family, are confident that now their differences will definitely come to an end. Of course this is not true. No matter how similar the temperaments of our heroes are, a certain “grinding in” is always necessary.

An effective way to “prevent” the consequences of the first years living together is ordinary cohabitation. Today's social norms allow the future bride and groom to “taste” life together.

The next imbalance in family relationships is due to the fact that the husband and wife have finally gotten used to each other. The three-year crisis is also known in pedagogy. The baby makes his first conscious actions, always repeating to his parents: “I myself!” The child changes his role from unconscious infancy, moving to a new, conscious stage.

A new stage, a new social role is opening up for the young family. Most often, the birth of a child occurs during this period. Thus, yesterday's newlyweds turn into parents. And parenthood is a completely new and unexplored area for an inexperienced cell of society.

In addition to the birth of a child, spouses are forced to solve financial problems. It is by the third year of marriage that a man can turn into an ardent workaholic. In addition to the need to resolve housing and financial issues, he may feel unnecessary in his own home, in his own family. A newborn baby can even make the new dad feel jealous. And there is every reason for this: all attention is now paid exclusively to the child. The wife, once attractive and sweet, suddenly turns into a jaded, nervous parody of herself.

Expecting help and support from her husband, the young mother is met only with isolation, indifference and irritation. Love and passion eventually develop into marital friendship, or even just mutual responsibility for the child. Men usually see one way out of this situation - to appear at home less often. Escape from the kingdom of diapers, constant crying, and advice from your mother-in-law.

Depending on his temperament, a man can “run” to two places: either to friends or to a woman. It is during the “three-year” crisis that the largest number of divorces occurs.

First, a new dad needs to get used to the fact that he is a father. Mom needs to get used to the same idea. Often it is mothers who discourage a young man from feeling responsible for his child. Do not be afraid to leave your child under the supervision of your husband. A young mother has the right to personal time and self-care. Spending time together more often is an excellent way to combat the “third year crisis.”

When a woman goes back to work after maternity leave, it usually doesn’t make it any easier for her man. Now housework, previously unnoticed by the always busy father of the family, has to be divided between two. The mother of the family practically loses interest in “female” activities: after all, from the “diaper” world she can again return to her favorite job, to her hobbies and the usual pace of life. A representative of the stronger half of humanity may experience apathy and even depression. It is especially dangerous during this period for the family breadwinner to lose his job.

Family responsibilities need to be shared. This is an unshakable rule of family life. How can a man, even an unemployed man who can take care of his family, lose faith in himself?

Crisis 7 years of family life: seven years, got used to it, got tired

The most controversial is the definition of the seven-year crisis. Psychologists characterize it as banal fatigue from routine. By the seventh year of marriage, the career has been practically built, the housing issue has been resolved, and the course of life becomes monotonous and slightly boring. The child has already grown up, most likely goes to kindergarten, and later to school. Everything is going as usual. The couple studied each other “as if they were peeling.”

Such a routine is unacceptable for creative and active people. As a rule, there is no romantic love left in such a marriage: only strong friendship. After 7-9 years of marriage, spouses may have truly “real” lovers, and not fleeting hobbies. A family can collapse in the blink of an eye.

Especially often at this stage of married life, it is women who initiate divorce: often particularly eccentric ladies are not embarrassed by the prospect of leaving a father with a child in his arms, the prospect of a new life with a lover is so tempting. Another reason for the initiative to end a marriage may be the husband’s infidelity. But at this stage, men leave the family much less often.

The controversial definition of the seventh year crisis lies in the fact that many couples define this stage of their married life as a truly happy period of their lives. The fact is that with a grown-up child, loving parents are always interested. This is the first fishing trip in a boy’s life, the first sewn dress for a doll in a girl’s life, helping mom and dad. It is from this age that their children are introduced to such an important thing as traditional family values.

Don't let your family dry out! Go on a tour with the whole family to exotic countries, travel around your native land, find a hobby that engages the whole family. Remember: your child is already at a sufficiently conscious age that he has formed an idea about the family, the role of children, and parents. Ideas formed at the age of 5-8, by the way, will remain with a person for life.

The active life of the family also plays an important role in the formation of gender (sex) behavior patterns.

Crisis of 14 years of marriage: shock upon shock

The 14-15 year mark of living together may be the most problematic psychologically. During this period, the whole family begins a “transitional age.” Parents begin to experience a midlife crisis, and just yesterday, mischievous and smiling children turn into gloomy, angular teenagers. This is the time that is most dangerous for the integrity of the family. “Heavy” thoughts begin to overcome: “What have I achieved?” "why so few?" "Who am i?". The man gradually turns from an energetic father of a family into an “armchair philosopher.”

At this age, the understanding comes: now or never. A person, regardless of gender, has the desire to do something “like that.” Men can get involved in politics, subcultures, and extreme sports. Mothers of families - into religion, excessive charity, questionable health practices. With all their appearance, 40-year-olds show the world: “hey, look, I’m still young! I'm not an old man! Their child, on the contrary, demonstrates to the world his “adulthood” and toughness.

Unfortunately, it is thoughts like these that often push spouses to cheat. Unlike the previous period, the initiator of betrayal is usually a man.

“You can understand a 14-year-old boy skating on roller skates and chasing girls. But what about a grown man, the head of a family!” the grandmothers gossip at the entrance.

In fact, people who have crossed the line of middle age resemble teenagers more than it seems at first glance. A midlife crisis turns previously loving, adequate spouses into irritable, tired and slightly eccentric people.

In order to overcome this crisis, it is enough to share each other’s hobbies. Or take an example from your own children. Bring into the relationship the same naivety and romance that a couple of 14-year-old teenagers in love walking hand in hand in the park in the spring is capable of. Have the date of your dreams, skydive, climb Elbrus or Mont Blanc! The world is still in your hands!

An empty house and a pension: how not to get a divorce after 25 years of marriage?

After the stormy days, calm times come: the children have become almost independent (although they still need help), financial problems are no longer a concern. “We have already achieved everything that could be achieved,” you can hear from married couples who have lived together for more than 20 years. It would seem that a marriage that has lasted a quarter of a century simply cannot break up. But this is in theory. In practice, unfortunately, there are more than enough opposite examples. Sometimes it turns out that all this time the children were the concrete holding the family together. And now this concrete has crumbled. The social unit is disintegrating.

It is highly doubtful that all these years only children “kept” the union close. It is clear that over the years the spouses have changed personally. It’s worth taking a closer look: perhaps in front of you is a new, interesting person. If you have survived so many crises, you will survive this one.

Absolutely any crisis in family life can be overcome. The main thing is to be honest with yourself and your life partner.

Source:
How to overcome crises in family life: 3, 5, 7, 14 and 25 years of marriage
How to overcome crises in family life and save a marriage: causes of disharmony in relationships, features of crises 1.3, 5.7
http://ladyideas.ru/krizisy-semejnoj-zhizni/

Crisis of family life 5-7 years of marriage

Crisis of family life 5-7 years of marriage. "Return Crisis"

From a woman's point of view At this time, she returns to an active professional and social life after the birth of a child: she establishes new connections, acquires a large circle of new acquaintances, and begins to fulfill her professional tasks with new zeal. The woman understands that she can no longer keep up with many things. She faces an almost impossible task: to maintain comfort in the house, pay attention to her child and husband, fulfill her work responsibilities and look the way she wants. A new life after forced seclusion may be accompanied by a woman’s acute need for fresh emotional experiences. This situation can lead to the wife’s infidelity just in the fifth year of married life.

According to statistics, at this time, women are also often the initiators of divorce. The fact is that everything is already set up in the family: everyday life, communication, work. The husband and wife are already fed up with each other's company. During this time, two or even three children may be born in a family. Everyone already has clearly assigned responsibilities, and each day is similar to the previous one. Housekeeping, cooking, washing, cleaning and raising children.

The husband has financial responsibility, he builds a career and... becomes more and more attractive to other women. If a woman has already crossed this line, she can be convinced of the correctness of the opinion that many men with age acquire more and more attractive properties - charm, sexuality, charm, light gray hair, indicating wisdom. Married relationships are experiencing a developmental crisis.

From a man's point of view During this period, men often complain that their wives no longer share their hobbies and ignore romantic impulses. They want to feel the thrill of passion, sex, they want to feel like hunters again, to understand that they can still do a lot in the intimate sphere. During this period, men often start relationships on the side. At the same time, the “traitors” do not yet think about parting with their wife and, with a serious threat of exposure, easily part with their mistress. A man cannot so easily destroy his home, family, and familiar way of life. He values ​​his efforts to create all this too much and is too afraid of change. It’s not without reason that men say: “Unlike a woman who can give up everything, a man never goes anywhere.”

It seems that you have created everything you need for your family, what to do next? What else should your family have so that this doesn’t feel like the beginning of the end? Everything seems to be fine, but it seems that the love is gone, there is no passion of interest as in the first years of marriage.

It is now in a woman’s power to support her husband in everything - to try to understand his problems at work, the crisis, etc. If his wife begins to criticize him, this can only push the man further away; he will think that he is not understood at home and will look for understanding elsewhere. And, as you know, you don’t have to look for this for a long time, if only you had the desire, and the situation would present itself.

A woman now definitely needs an emotional shake-up - you can go to work if you are not already working, take up a new business, and implement interesting ideas. If there is a desire and opportunity, the birth of a new child can be a way out of such stagnation. It is possible that this event will return you to the vibrant relationships of the 3rd year.

Don't rush to conclusions. Understand that your love has simply moved to a new stage and acquired new sensations. Psychologists advise to take a break from each other more often during this period, go to a fitness club, meet with friends, and let your husband go to football. You can take up a new hobby, change your image, thereby introducing a touch of novelty into your life. You will see that you will probably have new topics to discuss with your husband.

It just so happens that now this topic is more than relevant to me. Those who have read me before know that my husband is everything to me, he is my air and I cannot live even a week without him. It was like that... No, now it's still perfect. I just got too drunk. He's perfect, and I'm a fool =))) As you'd expect =)))

The fifteenth wedding anniversary is traditionally called the crystal wedding anniversary. This beautiful anniversary of mutual love deserves to be celebrated truly festively and solemnly. How to do this correctly, how to congratulate the heroes of the occasion, what to give as a gift, what meaning crystal carries for spouses - you will learn from our article.

About the symbols of celebration

It is believed that on the fifteenth anniversary the relationship between the couple has achieved the beauty and transparency that noble crystal has. At the same time, the name of the wedding “crystal” reminds us that mutual understanding between loving people is a very fragile thing. It, like an expensive crystal product, can be easily broken even by one rash act. However, the very fact that the spouses are celebrating the fifteenth anniversary of a happy life together is proof that each of them has learned over the years to highly value their soulmate and strives to find a compromise in the most difficult life situations. Crystal has long been associated with something fabulous and unusual.. It is not without reason that magical attributes made from this material are often mentioned in Russian fairy tales. If you look through a layer of crystal at surrounding objects, they take on unusual shapes and edges. Likewise, warm mutual feelings allow you to smooth out the rough edges of life, bringing an element of fairy tale and romance into the everyday bustle. In numerology, the number fifteen is considered lucky. It attracts wealth and luck. For “newlyweds”, the fifteenth anniversary of family life is a great chance to refresh their relationship, forgive each other’s mistakes and together strive towards new happy opportunities. In the following video you will learn a lot of new and interesting things about crystal: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sw5s10KpOHc

Rituals and traditions

The main and obligatory tradition of any wedding, especially a crystal wedding, is the breaking of dishes “for good luck.”

It is worth preparing for this important ritual in advance - choosing old glass objects that have already cracked. When breaking dishes, you should mentally let go of all your problems. Such an ancient ritual symbolically indicates a new stage in the relationship between spouses who have lived together for quite a long time, helps cleanse their home of negative energy and bad memories, and attracts material well-being. Guests, in turn, should present the heroes of the occasion with new crystal souvenirs, which will bring an element of luxury and elegance to the home interior, and also emphasize the individual qualities of the owners of the house.

How to decorate a holiday table

Traditionally at a crystal wedding the table should be served with crystal and glassware - dishes, vases, salad bowls. It is necessary to place expensive wine glasses for guests, which they will raise while expressing wishes to the spouses. And the “newlyweds” should have crystal wedding glasses, preferably preserved from the day of their wedding. Drinks on the table should include traditional champagne, and white wines are also recommended. As a snack, in addition to other dishes, guests should be offered cheeses and fruits. It is allowed to organize a light buffet for the fifteenth wedding anniversary.

Who to invite to the party

It is customary to celebrate anniversary weddings on a grand scale. Among the invited friends should be those who were present at the time of the marriage, as well as everyone with whom the married couple managed to establish friendly relations during the fifteen years of marriage. When preparing to celebrate this special date, you need to decide on the list of guests:

• Parents;
• Children;
• Witnesses at the wedding;
• Family friends and relatives.

The main guests at the fifteenth wedding anniversary should be the parents of the spouses and children. The presence of older family members is evidence of respect for age and continuity of generations, and the participation of children in the holiday serves as a symbol of the continuation of the family line.

Where and how to celebrate

If the heroes of the occasion are planning to celebrate this event noisily and cheerfully, then it is best rent a separate room in a cafe for these purposes so that the owners themselves have the opportunity to relax during the holiday. As in the case of a regular wedding, you can invite the toastmaster or prepare your own script for a festive evening. The decision to celebrate a wedding anniversary in a small company is also correct in its own way, especially since Astrologers recommend celebrating a crystal wedding in a small circle. The fact is that the planet Saturn is responsible for the fifteen-year date, which does not welcome outside interference in family affairs.

Congratulations in verse and prose

As at any wedding, at this celebration you can't do without toast. It is better to prepare in advance several original or funny congratulations that would not bore those sitting at the table. Small poems or witty wishes in prose are suitable for this purpose. Here are examples of some of them.

The crystal clink of glasses,

Cheerful loud laughter.

Happy wedding to you Crystal!

You couple are the most beautiful!

Take care of each other

Never quarrel

Keep your love

For many years!

Congratulations on your wedding anniversary

Happy common anniversary - the crystal wedding!

I wish you long love, clear as crystal,

And may your union be as strong as steel!

Fifteen crystal stars

Heaven gave you

And your union of two crystal souls

Pride and beauty for everyone!

Let it burn brightly above you

High night sky!

And the happy stars will not subside

Crystal clear chime!

We wish you to live in complete harmony for many more fifteen years! Continue to share family joys and worries between two. I wish you happiness, health and good luck! Bitterly! *** Dear “crystal” spouses! We cordially congratulate you on your fifteenth family anniversary! Protect each other and the purity of your relationship like an expensive crystal vase! May you live happily ever after!

What to gift

It is not always possible to purchase something very original for an anniversary wedding, but you can try to turn an ordinary gift into an unusual present.

Let's say you bought a beautiful dish as a gift. In order to present it in an original way, you can use this present as an auxiliary thing, for example, for playing forfeits. For this purpose, you should put candy wrappers with comic tasks on the dish, and entertain the “young” and guests in such a simple way. And at the end of the game, present it as a prize to the best players - the heroes of the occasion. An ordinary ashtray can be presented with a miniature bouquet of flowers, thus reformatting it into a vase and accompanying it with some joke, for example: “the souvenir should not serve the husband for smoking, but his wife for prosperity.” A gift option with figurines will look original. You can purchase two elegant figurines and assign them the names of the spouses. When presenting a gift, remember interesting and important events from the life of the “newlyweds”. It will be funny and touching. At any holiday, unusual gifts are always at a premium. As such unexpected gifts for your fifteenth wedding anniversary, you can try the following options:

• The painting is framed in an exquisite crystal frame;
• A crystal samovar symbolizing family unity;
• Any souvenir made of optical glass, decorated with an inscription or design;
• Aquarium with decorative fish;
• Crystal candlesticks are a kind of intimate gift; they are suitable for a romantic evening and symbolize the honeymoon.

Depending on the tastes of the “newlyweds” You can also give more practical gifts, but again having at least an indirect relation to glass or crystal. For example, a certificate for installing new double-glazed windows, tickets to visit an aquarium with exotic inhabitants or performances at a dolphinarium. Such gifts will look bold and original. If you want to make an exclusive gift, you can pay in advance in the workshop for the production of a custom-made crystal souvenir.

Gifts to each other

The spouses themselves should come up with gifts for each other. After all, guests will come to their house only in the evening, while the holiday begins in the morning. Therefore, it doesn’t hurt to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity and make nice gifts for each other. For this, gentle words and material offerings, chosen in accordance with the taste of their partner, which each spouse is already well aware of, are best suited.

You can give your wife the following crystal gifts:

• Vase;
• Casket;
• Fine jewelry;
• Souvenir - a shoe or a heart;
• Illuminated crystal;
• Artificial flower;
• Table lamp;
• Keychain, pendant.

The wife should also prepare an original gift for her husband. The following options may be suitable as a festive crystal gift:

• Statuette;
• Beer mug;
• Transparent tabletop figures - a cube, a pyramid or a ball on a stand;
• Laser hologram in crystal.
• Framed table clock;
• Pen holder and business card holder;
• Flash drive;
• Souvenir version of the board game.

The crystal wedding follows the steel, nickel and agate wedding. This means that it is not entirely correct to explain its name only by the purity and fragility of human relationships. Perhaps a more correct interpretation of this celebration would be the harmony of form and content achieved over a fifteen-year period. After all, the technological process of producing crystal includes melting, blowing, heat treatment, engraving and, finally, thorough polishing.

Likewise, the relationship between spouses goes through a lot of tests over fifteen years before it acquires a beautiful, perfect form, comparable to an exquisite crystal piece.

The husband understands that his wife in the morning is not the same beauty as in the afternoon. The wife has already seen her husband not only on a “horse,” but sometimes also “on the horns.” After 2-3 years of marriage or after the birth of a child. Although now the birth of the first child can occur either immediately after Mendelssohn’s march or after more years. Sleepless nights at the baby's bedside, his first teeth and last breastfeeding. The wife is more like a mother hen than an object of sexual desire. Her husband is in the back of her mind, somewhere there... at a second job, in pursuit of hypoallergenic food, or just in the next room, but... as if beyond the horizon. After 7-9 years of marriage. Everything seemed to have settled down, gotten used to it - sex and children, friends and work. But it has settled down and gotten used to it to such an extent that you already want something new - both at home and in your career. However, I’m still afraid to change anything. After 14-16 years of marriage.

Reasons for divorce after 20 years of happy marriage

Public opinion is also on the side of the husband and condemns the wife for missing out on such a good man. Therefore, all young wives should know that insults inflicted on a spouse in the first decade of marriage are not only not forgotten, but turn out to be disastrous for the marriage.

For your porcelain marriage to take place, from the first year of marriage you need to build your marital relationship on love, mutual understanding and compliance with each other. Let me remind you that women are 2 times more likely to file for divorce than men, and 3 times less likely to start a second family than men.

A story about the relationship between spouses after 20 years of marriage

Attention

Twenty years is another critical age for marriage. After 20 years of marriage, the spouses get used to each other so much that they almost become relatives.

The romance leaves the relationship (or has long since left), the desire has faded, and a habit has appeared. But if the spouses are still relatively young, then their personal desires have not gone away.

Info

It’s just that, as a rule, there is no mutual attraction anymore. In addition, by the age of 40 - 50, a man begins to feel the first signs of the decline of certain functions, which causes panic, and often leads to a desire to make sure that in fact everything is still the same, just his wife, not the woman who causes desire. And a man can go to great lengths, more often with younger women, trying to prove to himself that he is still great.

Crisis in family relationships - 20-25 years of marriage. why do men leave their families?

One of the spouses or both suddenly becomes scared - everything has been achieved, nothing new and exciting will happen in life anymore. And the play begins called “Gray hair in the beard, demon in the rib.” Husband: “And all these long-legged girls will never be mine?” Wife: “Am I going to wake up in bed with this beer belly for the rest of my life?” In 20-25 years. The children grew up, fledged and flew out of the nest. Life is smooth, there is enough money, but you don’t want to enjoy life together. Building a family boat can be more interesting than the process of living together. Just like in childhood, while you are building a “house”, the game is very exciting.
As soon as the “house” is built, the game itself fades away. Why? Of course, there are many reasons why a family crisis occurs. To paraphrase the classic phrase taken for the title of this article - each family has its own: 1. Material problems.

What is the main cause of family problems after 20 years of marriage?

For, people’s character deepens with age and therefore character traits that they did not like or were bad become causes of quarrels. But all these disagreements will disappear if they again remember about love and begin to love each other the same way, or respect each other more, or give in... The main reason is love! Habit, as well as the desire to regain your former youth. The 20th anniversary of a family union most often falls when people are 40-50 years old. It is during these years that they feel the approach of old age and the desire to regain youth back. Therefore, you can notice how a woman and a man transform their appearance in order to attract the attention of other people... Plus, the monotony of life and a thorough knowledge of their partner is added to this. I want something new and unknown, which also pushes people to meet others.

Family life

Where would we be without them? Even in a wealthy family there can be endless disputes about what and how to spend money. 2. Cheating on one of the partners. The problem is as old as the hills, but that makes it no less acute and painful.

3. Absence of children, or vice versa, their appearance. For some, the whole meaning of life is in children. And someone dreams of a comfortable life and full of pleasures for themselves personally. The appearance of children changes the usual way of life and thoughts.

Their absence becomes a problem of self-realization for many and a reason for silent pity on the part of others. 4. Cooling of feelings. The husband still loves and wants, but the wife cuts off all hints of sex.

The opposite situation also happens, despite the assurances of sexologists that a man wants it always and everywhere. 5. Boredom, habit, monotony. Every day is like Groundhog Day. The same gestures, conversations, words, deeds. When will anything happen? 6. One of the partners’ own internal crisis.

Married relationships after 15 - 20 years of marriage???

Solid experience - 20 years of marriage. Unfortunately, not every marriage survives to this date. After 20 years of married life, the couple celebrates a porcelain wedding.

This is very symbolic, because porcelain is a beautiful, but rather fragile material and requires careful handling. And living twenty years in marriage is a great merit of both spouses.

But we must remember that marriage during this period of life together is fragile, like porcelain, and requires careful treatment. What happens in the life of spouses who have been legally married for 20 years? If in the first years of family life everything did not work out in favor of the young husband, because the wife had a lot of leverage over him, then after twenty years the situation changes radically. The husband has now matured and become handsome like a man. Even his gray hair makes him look good. The wife has not gotten any younger, and her beauty has diminished. Her gray hair has to be painted over.

Why do people get divorced after 20-30 years of marriage?

Lack of love. The main reason that can lead to a crisis in family life and the preservation of which without love often makes no sense. What to do? Sometimes the only sure way out of a family crisis is divorce.

When you no longer have the strength to endure, you don’t want to make efforts, the spouses have nothing left in common, only mutual claims and reproaches. Many people prefer this option if they have somewhere to go other than emptiness and the unknown. In a situation where nothing in the family can be changed only for the reason that “the hunchbacked grave will correct” and it is impossible to leave, all that remains is to reconcile and endure. But if both spouses have a desire to glue the family boat together, living together can still be a source of happiness. And this requires banal things - patience and work. 1. Don't be silent. Talk, express your complaints and desires to each other, excluding rude words and insults.

Family psychology

Nervous life, stress, childbirth - all this did not have the best effect on a woman’s figure. Physical inactivity, smoking, and alcohol leave indelible marks on a woman’s face. It turns out that with age, the husband has matured, and she has aged.

And fewer and fewer admiring male eyes are directed towards the former young beauty. The spouse's income (as a rule) has now increased significantly, and he has climbed the career ladder. This circumstance increases his value not only in the eyes of his wife, but also of her rivals. In case of divorce, he is now an advantageous groom. He can afford to leave gracefully, leaving everything to his ex-wife. He has the means to purchase his own home. His husband is no longer the timid boy he was in the first years of marriage.

He learned how to beautifully look after a woman, and became skilled in the art of seduction. He has money to take a lady to an expensive restaurant, give flowers and gifts.

Sometimes both husband and wife unexpectedly realize that they have become strangers to each other. And, if the meaning of the couple’s existence was only in children, most likely the marriage will break up. Emotional instability At this age, various complaints about well-being appear. Women are usually worried about the impending menopause, men are scared of “sores” that have fallen out of nowhere. All this is annoying, interfering with calm communication. It is even possible that the irritation accumulated over the years of married life (restrained for the sake of the well-being of the children) will burst out and cover the marriage with an avalanche of divorce. Reassessment of values ​​Why do men leave the family? As mentioned above, men and women take stock of their lives. But men are experiencing this crisis more acutely. Did they make it all? And old age is already on the horizon.

Relationships after 20 years of marriage

But initially they met, fell in love with each other and got married not for the sake of children. Children are just one stage of family life. They come into your life and leave it into their own. And you stay. And the marriage remains. But I can console you - there will definitely be no more crises, and in general - many people dream of freedom all their lives, but when they receive it, they do not know what to do with it. Think about what you dreamed about, what you wanted to do? You now have your whole life ahead of you. This crisis is less deep than the previous one, and with a favorable outcome it can last 1 year, sometimes several years. Crisis in family relationships - 20-25 years of marriage. Why do men leave their families? Children have grown up By this time, children usually already grow up and live their own lives or leave the family altogether. Spouses often experience a related feeling of loneliness.

Family crises do not bypass any family. The main thing is to correctly perceive crises in your family life. Family - there is so much in this word... But not for everyone and not always the concept of family and the values ​​associated with it are important.

When does the moment come when the family becomes not a reliable support, but a burden, or simply does not bring joy? Why don’t you want to: return home from work, talk with your loved one, look forward to the night for passionate solitude? And there’s a lot more you don’t want... When? A crisis in the family can arise at any time - on the honeymoon or after twenty-five years of marriage. But psychologists who know everything conventionally identify several difficult stages in the life of a family. After a year of marriage. The period of falling in love passes, the romantic veil falls from the eyes, the rose-colored glasses fade. Partners finally see each other in their true light, in everyday life and every day.

Men:

1. Most men are not very worried about divorce, because they so dreamed of becoming free again and relieving themselves of responsibility for their family and children. In addition, they wanted to meet a better, younger woman who would not get bored as quickly as their wife, and these men would realize their fantasies and dreams with her. They believe that family life interfered with the fulfillment of fantasies. Two years of “freedom” lead them to the idea that things are better in the family, so during the first two years these men marry again (some, however, to their ex-wives), but over these years they begin to understand that the first wife was better than the second, although they do not regret the divorce.

2. What does divorce after a long marriage lead to for another, smaller category of men? They enjoy freedom, change partners, do not get married for a long time, while, without realizing it, they lose the best years of their lives, and by the age of 50, a craving for family life suddenly awakens in them, and the choice of partners is already small, and they themselves have lost their “marketability.” view". This category of men, if they have material wealth, find themselves a young wife to the envy of their friends and ex-wife. But this “diamond of youth, beauty and freshness requires a good cut, that is, large financial expenses, there is no time for a strong family, to create the appearance of it for friends and acquaintances, plus the eternal fear of betrayal. And those men who do not have material wealth are content with whatever comes to hand, because sexual activity is wasted on casual partners who require greater (compared to their wife) emotional, physical, psychological and sexual costs; hopes for a “free life” did not come true, and in a difficult life situation there was no support, for a man this is a disaster, so this man understands that the first marriage was better than the second.

3. There is also a third category of men for whom divorce leads to severe depression, its accompanying factors being alcoholism, a strong feeling of loneliness, confusion, loss of interest in work and in life in general. Responsibility for the previous family, which they abandoned, has grown into responsibility for themselves, and not every man can cope with this. In this situation, you cannot do without a psychotherapist. For this category of men, family life again becomes that happy island where he would like to return, but it is often too late, which is why inexorable statistics determine the average age of men to be 58 years old (although there are, of course, many different reasons for early death, but one of them is definitely a scam).

Women:

1. Divorce for the vast majority of women is a tragedy that is accompanied by deep depression. Thoughts about “why live now”, “who should I live for now”, very often lead a woman to the decision to end this meaningless life, so many of them end up in a hospital bed, this is at best, after which they understand that life goes on, we need to raise children or start building a new family.

2. After a divorce, a woman will almost never be serenely happy and calm, even if she has a second marriage, because there remains the fear of losing this husband or fear for the stepfather’s relationship with her child from her first marriage. Unfortunately, a woman’s second marriage is not always better than her first, although there are exceptions.